


December, 1976

by BitterEndXII



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Asshole Gerard Way, Bottom Frank Iero, Depression, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Frerard, Hospital, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Mental Instability, OCD, Period-Typical Homophobia, Schizophrenia, Sectioning, frank's pov, psychopathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 09:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4782260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterEndXII/pseuds/BitterEndXII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank suffers from schizophrenia and winds up in a hospital. Gerard's been told he's a psychopath, a hopeless case and his future looks bleak. What'll happen when Gerard lets Frank in? (Also posted to my Mibba page)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I honestly don’t know that I belong here” Frank spoke in a surprisingly calm manner, flicking his remaining cigarette ash into the provided tray, before stubbing it out in a similarly casual manner.

“Isn’t there just some pills you could give me?” he dubbed on, glancing around the office where he sat; which was a distasteful combination of clinical white and 1960’s tosh, with the worst examples of each creating the ghastly amalgamation.

“No, Mr Iero. I feel it’s in your best interests that you stay with us for a while, chances are in a case like yours, you’d only be here for a matter of days, it couldn’t hurt you to try” the other spoke; a psychiatrist, by the name of Dr Williams, who had been assigned to Frank’s case. He was hardly charming.

“I suppose” Frank said, leaning forwards slightly, giving the offer a serious consideration, which he had failed to do to any real extent over the course of the pair’s two hour interview.

Frank had been seeing this particular doctor since he was nineteen years old, he now being twenty-three. Various childhood traumas had led to the young man’s demise, notably, the murder of his father by his mother, who in the aftermath had run off with Frank’s younger brother, and was still nowhere to be found.

Frank often now heard the voices of the two. Generally nothing too sinister. Oddly, he’d not been too badly affected by the proceedings, only the mildest of mild cases of schizophrenia that Dr Williams had ever seen.

But the doctor had gathered that this was perhaps the problem, as anybody else as young as Frank was at the time, being only fourteen, would have completely lost the plot, whereas Frank had not.

He assumed that there was some awful repression going on in Frank’s subconscious that he would need to discover and desperately so, as the voices Frank was hearing were getting increasingly frequent and distressing, to the point where the other simply shrugging it off was no longer an option.

“Are you sure I’m insane?” Frank piped up, sighing. The doctor couldn’t help but laugh lightly. “You hear the voices of your mother and brother, who you haven’t seen or heard from in nine years, they’ve been telling you recently to set fire to things. I’m quite sure” he quipped, causing Frank to giggle in a like manner, glancing down towards the floor briefly.

“I need you to sign this, Frank, your admission form” Dr Williams said, bringing out a flimsy document from behind the desk. Frank inclined forwards and picked it up lazily, glancing over it as if in an attempt to read the over bearing text, of which realistically there was too much.

“It basically states that you are in our care. You are our responsibility. That we are to treat to as we see fit and that you are to comply with the rules. Failure to do this will simply result in harsher rules, not being discharged” the doctor said flippantly, seeing the bemused look about Frank, who trailed his eyes up from the papers before placing them neatly on the desk.

“Don’t be an arse hole, then?” Frank confirmed. Dr Williams laughed. “Right” he stated. With that, Frank Iero picked up the blue fountain pen from beside his hand and without a second thought, sighed away his human rights.

He carefully put the pen back down, watching intently as the other snapped the papers from him, placing them in a desk drawer. “You won’t regret this, Frank. I want to see you get better, you know that” Dr Williams offered, with a warm smile. Frank nodded and laced his fingers together loosely.

“What happens now?” he enquired, shuffling his feet over the floor. “Well, we take you for a search, you’ll be assigned a uniform and then to your room, we’ll brief you on your course of therapy after you’ve settled in, tomorrow morning most likely” the doctor said, standing up.

“Wait, I have to wear a uniform? Like a prison?” Frank mouthed, standing up accordingly with the doctor. “Oh, no, Frank. It’s simple procedure, we only do it so we can be sure you’re not hiding drugs or sharp items in your clothing, we’ll have to do it with any personal possessions you wish to have. You’ll probably get them back by tomorrow” he replied, as he led Frank out of the room.

Frank followed silently, looking around the facility, which he had not seen before then. It was similar really to the office in its décor. White was the primary factor, it having been thrown up the walls and floors, but there was also used-to-be-fashionable worn furniture, as well as the occasional faded wall hanging, generally being either a motivational poster or an advertisement for a band or television series.

The crackly sound of Mama Cass Elliot filled the corridor, Frank assuming its origins were in the main ward, as it appeared to be coming from a distance away. He recognised the morbidly upbeat lyrics to be that of “Glad to be Unhappy”, a song he was sure he’d heard from his mother’s car in his early childhood.

“This way, Mr Iero” the doctor guided him to a blank seeming room, opening the door for him. “Nurse, could you ask them to change the track?” the doctor went on, leaning down and whispering to a blonde woman who had abruptly appeared beside him.

“I have, they’ll just put it back on again” she hummed back, shrugging. Dr Williams rolled his eyes and dismissed her. “Okay, Frank. Your uniform is there, please remove your clothing and put it on. Another doctor will be here shortly to pat you down” he spoke softly.

Frank nodded quietly as the door was pulled to, not completely closed; a safety measure, Frank assumed. He hastily changed his outfit, with the doctor peering in upon his completion and sending the aforementioned other into the room with him, who as quickly as Frank had dressed, cleared him of being in possession of contraband.

Frank shuffled out of the room, holding a towel and some bedding that had been shoved into his folded arms by Dr Williams. “Now Frank, I will need to have one word with you before you go to your room” he said, stopping them in their tracks.

“Um, okay” Frank said, looking about and frowning, exaggerating the fact that he thought the doctor’s voice had suggested that somehow Frank knew that this would happen, which was obviously unrealistic. Stupid, was what Frank had in mind.

“Your roommate’s name is Gerard Way. I must warm you about him, Frank. He’s not physically dangerous, not from what we’ve seen.

But he’s slippery; he’ll get under your skin if you’ll let him” the elder paused, finding his words. “We don’t have an exact diagnosis for him as of yet, but we do know he’s a psychopath, completely and utterly a psychopath…” he mumbled off, biting his lip somewhat.

“I don’t want to worry you Frank. You’re probably one of the most sane people on the ward, I know you can handle him, I just felt I should say something, in case he bothers you” Dr Williams finished, starting to walk again, Frank following.

“Uh, okay, thank you, doctor” Frank said as coolly as he could, not so much concerned by the other’s words, but really more curious.

They came to the door of the ward, the doctor pressing it open cautiously. Several heads flicked around as the pair walked in side by side, some smiled and waved nervously, some merely stared, others appeared to cower, mumbling amongst themselves. It appeared the same as the corridor they had just walked from.

“This is the day room, Frank. You’ll spend most of your free time in here. We have the TV in here, the radio, record player, games and such” he pointed in the vague direction of the sitting area as the wondered past.

“Here is the therapy area, the separate rooms are for individual sessions” Dr Williams continued as they walked, going through another white room with a series of doors. “Through there is the schooling areas, art rooms, music rooms…” he mouthed, pointing down another hall way he obviously didn’t intend upon showing Frank at that time.

“And this, is your room” he finished at the end of the hall, tapping lightly on the door before them. There was no response so the doctor tapped again, followed by a same response. Dr Williams gave Frank a quick look before opening the door.

Frank noted immediately, in an almost shocked manner, another man, laid across the bed, seeming only to be staring at the ceiling. His hair was matt black, his clothing was that provided by the hospital and his nails were painted.

“Gerard, this is your new roommate, Frank” the doctor said, urging Frank into the room as he uttered. Gerard continued to gaze for a time, before his glace shifted to the alarmed boy in the doorway.

“I see” he said simply, resuming his original stance. Frank looked over at the disconcerted doctor, who nudged him towards his bed. “Remember you gave group therapy at six, Gerard. Before dinner” Dr Williams offered, trying it would seem to break the silence, for Frank’s sake.

“I have been told” Gerard replied, in his previous monotonic fashion. “You’re to behave this time” the doctor cleared his throat. “And I shall, Dr Williams” Gerard flashed back instantly, his body nor his face changing in movement. The doctor looked as though he would pipe up again, but simply gave Frank a quick nod before leaving the room.

Frank sat down on what he assumed was his ascribed bed and stared over the wall before him, trying not to obviously look at Gerard, though secretly this was his aim. He still felt strangely calm, his mood hadn’t really changed much from his meeting earlier that day; he was still feeling very arrogant about the situation, sure that he would get out in no time at all.

Abruptly, almost making Frank jump, Gerard stood up and walked towards the door of the room, closing it with light fingers before returning to his bed. His movement, Frank observed, was stern yet calm, his posture was astounding yet it appeared to come to him naturally. His head was up, his chin high and his arms stayed almost elegantly by his sides. His facial expression still never changed.

After a while of awkward quiet, Frank stood up again. He took the sheet that was draped across his arms and carefully made his bed, placing the towel he had been given at the end of it. Frank sat down on the bed, letting out a long sigh.

“So…” he finally spoke, his voice perhaps more forward than he had planned. “I guess we’re roommates” he continued, drumming his fingers on his thigh. The room was quiet again, but before Frank could press anymore, Gerard decided to speak.

“Tell me, Frank, do you always speak so casually, or is this a put on to convince me, or yourself, that you’re actually a confident person? I bet in your own time you’re rather quiet to yourself, you think like a child.

You think that you’re lonely and tired and that’s why you need to act the opposite. You think that because someone died, didn’t they, Frank? Someone who you loved, they died, didn’t they? When you were young, thirteen or fourteen I’d suppose” he said, his expression not shifting. Gerard turned his head and looked dully over the boy who sat in disbelief beside him.

“I can tell it in your eyes mostly, Frank. They look so sad even though you were smiling. I bet it would take a staff member here a full week to deduce that, but I can see it. I can feel it in the way you sit” he quipped, sitting up suddenly.

“I’m going to the day room; they allow me to use the stereo at four o’clock, on the rota. I much can’t stand this popular music. Goodbye” At that, he stood as gracefully as he had previously and swiftly exited the room, leaving Frank in an odd fantasy sense, questioning what had just happened.

The man was a fucking genius, Frank thought, a damn odd one at that. Frank mopishly stood up and glanced out of the now open door, noting the various people who still inhabited the day room. He couldn’t see Gerard; he assumed that the boy was now tucked away in the corner where he had seen to stereo.

Cautiously, Frank stepped out of the safety of the dorm and gradually walked down the corridor. Reaching the designated area, he was met with more looks from the others, who had noticeably backed away from the strange new acquaintance of Frank.

Frank stared down at the floor as he took his seat in a sofa far away from the others. He found himself thinking, oddly of little, but concentrating none the less.

Every now and again, he’d glance up at who he now knew as Gerard, who was holding the radio on his lap and humming lightly to some variation of a classical music, his eyes slipped shut. Frank couldn’t help but shift his thoughts to the boy. He was curious, above all, Frank thought.


	2. Chapter 2

It was near enough six o’clock in the afternoon and the vast majority of the day room had migrated to a group therapy session. Only Frank, and a couple of others, remained, staring blankly at an attributed television programme.

Frank was still wondering about Gerard. He wondered how long the boy had been there, how old he was, what had made him so – odd.

He couldn’t help but humour that he was probably the only one there who was lucid enough to care more about the needs of another patient than himself.

Frank was majorly reconsidering his decision, and was alarmed by how quickly this revelation had come about. But he knew simply that there was no leaving until he could convince them that he was in remission.

He hoped deep down that there would be some sort of cure for him in his time at the facility, though in seeing the state of the other patients, he very much doubted his short stay would equate to very much help.

Frank tried to stay positive though, telling himself over and over that above all, it was a free few days of catering.

Frank’s trail of thought was suddenly disrupted by a light tapping on his back. He spun around and looked vigilantly over his shoulder.

Before him stood a blond boy, not much older than sixteen Frank assumed, wearing a simple sweat-pants and t-shirt combination, his hair was combed back neatly.

“Hi” the boy spoke apprehensively, not engaging with any eye contact with Frank. He carefully shuffled so that he was stood before Frank, shooting the other a confirming glance before sitting down on a coffee table.

“Hey” Frank said back, in his typically casual manner. “I haven’t seen you h-here be-fore” the boy shuddered. The boy appeared to have a nervous stammer, Frank assumed.

“No, I sighed up today” Frank replied with a smile. The boy nodded, finally looking at Frank in the face.

Frank couldn’t help but see now how thin the boy seemed to be, his face was inhumanly defined, it shocked Frank that he had any energy at all. Frank gathered instantly that it was likely the other was here due to some eating disorder, or he was protesting something.

“Oh, right… I’m S-Sam, by the way” the boy confirmed, holding out a bony hand. Frank took hold of it and shook it slowly, retracting and slouching himself into a more comfortable position.

“I’m Frank” he spoke. Sam nodded and looked down at the ground. After a short time he sighed, looking up. “Sorry f-for being so awkward, I w-was worried that y-you’d be, you know, more mental” he spoke gleefully, with a hint of a smirk.

Frank shrugged. “Well, the doctors are surprised I’m not more mental as well, that’s why I’m here” he quipped, inclining further.

“I p-probably wo-wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t f-for this fucking tick” Sam responded, presenting a small grin. “I’ve had it since I w-was young, but they won’t listen to m-m-me” he went on, bringing his feet up on to the table.

Frank shook his head. “That’s crazy… what did you uh… do to get here, in the first place, I mean?” he asked, scratching the back of his head. “I get anxious easily, if you couldn’t already s-see” the boy laughed. “B-but I’m n-not as bad as I used to be, I can function, they just d-don’t believe me” he sighed, shrugging.

“Why did you come here-e?” the boy concluded, looking deeply at Frank. “I have a vague schizophrenia-ish illness, my therapist wanted me here for a few nights to evaluate me properly, he tells me he’s worried, but I don’t know, I’m already fed up” Frank replied.

The boy laughed lightly, appearing to find Frank’s calmness soothing. “There’s a few here l-like that, n-not really too ill I mean” he spoke. Frank nodded sympathetically.

“You don’t seem to be insane at all, Sam” he said. Sam smiled. “I d-don’t think so either… I’m j-just stubborn, they think it’s an illness” he spoke.

“I saw yo-u looking at me earlier, my ribs, I’m n-not anorexic you know, -‘m on hunger strike-e, it annoys t-them, s-so I do it. It’s funny” Sam continued after a short silence.

Frank chocked a nervous laugh, which spread to the other boy. “You’re mental” Frank joked, leaning forwards and prodding the boys’ jolted collar bone. “Thank you” Sam said back with matched warmth.

“Are you sh-sharing with Travis-s? Your room?” he went on. Frank shook his head, unaware of who the other was referring to. “No, I’m with Gerard” he retorted casually. Sam froze up and Frank could swear he saw the boy’s face become paler. He looked to the ground.

“G-Gerard…” Sam breathed, frowning. “Everyone ‘round here is scared of h-him” he spoke sternly, the previously seen soft nature of the boy appeared to be wiped in the coldness of his words. Frank was taken aback by this.

“He’s weird… I’ll give him that. But I don’t know, I kind of want to get to know him. I’ve got to anyway, no point making it awkward if I have to share a room with him” Frank communicated, more so thinking out loud.

“I wouldn’t if I w-were you…” Sam responded. Quiet descended on the pair and Sam realised straight away that he’d caused ill-feeling.

“L-look, I don’t mean to l-like… be so abrupt, j-just be careful, he gets in p-peoples’ heads” Sam hastily added. Frank smiled. “Dr Williams told me the same, don’t worry, I’ll be fine” he confirmed. Sam nodded, a slight smiled about him.

Suddenly, what Frank could only described as the sound of an amplified alarmed clock pierced through the air. Frank’s head shot up and he stared over at where the sound was coming, a large speaker in the corner of the room.

The few others that surrounded them got up from their seats and slowly began to filter out of the room. “What was that?” Frank questioned as Sam too stood up.

“It’s time for food” Sam remarked, beckoning Frank forwards. “Any good?” Frank pressed further, grinning. “Y-you’ve got to be j-joking” Sam quipped back as they walked from the sofa and towards what Frank assumed would be a canteen.

The room was small, compared to the day room, with Frank realising now that there were only few patients on the ward. “Here” Sam spoke, sitting down at a table in the far corner, with Frank sitting beside him.

“They’ll b-bring it over” he spoke. Frank nodded. Soon enough, nurses flooded the area with various trays, of which two were dumped not-so-gracefully in front of Frank and Sam.

“Are you going to eat anything today, Sam?” the brunette nurse enquired, putting her hand on her hip. “Probably not” Sam said in a cocky tone, smiling up at the unamused woman.

“You really ought to, you’ll have to go back to confinement if you don’t put any more weight on and you know it” she snapped back, causing Sam’s grinning expression to fade somewhat.

“Yes, fine” Sam spoke flippantly as she walked away. He picked up his knife and fork and began to prod at the food, Frank observing him intently.

“Why don’t you just eat it?” Frank asked as he himself began to eat; it appeared to be some sort of potato based bake affair. “I’m t-thinking about it… I’m s-starving but there are no trips out until next week, it would be an interesting use of time if they tried to put me in confinement again…” Sam deliberated.

Frank could hardly believe what the other boy was saying, he was describing what the staff probably thought was an illness as a means of entertainment, he supposed though that over time he would end up doing similar things if the place really was that boring.

“Well, have fun” Frank joked, shovelling a fork full of food into his mouth, not aiming to savour it, as honestly it tasted of very little. “Sod it, I’ll leave it, I’m not t-too hungry” Sam established, pushing the food away from him.

Frank merely grinned again, finishing the measly portion he was given, having not eaten for the entire day.

The door to the area suddenly struck open with a loud whack on the wall, with several nurses and doctors trailing in, followed by a smug looking Gerard.

Everyone in the room was silent and still, some even flinched slightly. “Gerard, you will eat, now stop this” one of them spoke, who was stood directly behind the boy, almost shoving him into the room.

“I was hardly complaining, I simply suggested that I wasn’t hungry. It wasn’t a terrible thing of me to say, surely?” Gerard mouthed as he paced. “Sit” the one in front of him commanded, placing a hand on Gerard’s shoulder and pressing him into the seat nearest the door.

“Dr Harris, people often say please when they speak, don’t you find?” he said up to the man, who was now stood behind him.

Frank observed one of the doctors’ move across the room and obtain another patient, a chubby boy, who slowly followed him back to Gerard’s table.

“Gerard, I want you to apologise to Steven for earlier” the doctor said. Gerard watched as the nervous boy before him sat down, keeping his gaze to the ground.

“I seemed to be under the impression that everyone here was over the age of eighteen, it sounds like a rather childish request, wouldn’t you say, Doctor?” Gerard mumbled, keeping an eagle like eye on the boy before him, which was obviously making the other extremely uncomfortable.

“Gerard” the one behind him warned. “Fine” Gerard cleared his throat, placing his elbows on the table, not breaking his established eye contact with the other; he hardly appeared to blink.

“Your mother does love you, Steven, I promise. You’re hardly large either, not really, not as bad as you could be” he spoke. There was a long pause and a sigh of relief from the doctors, who had clearly anticipated Gerard to comment far worse. Gerard however, continued to speak.

“She’s dead though, you know, you killed her. Is it all Freudian? Did you wish to fuck your mother and so really the next best alternative was simply to kill her?

Did you think of eating her and that’s how come you appear to have a fetish for raw meat, Steven? Or is it because you’re dull and you want to attention seek, or is it, back to Freud, oral fixation?

Did she breast feed you, the woman you murdered?” he spoke clearly, with what Frank humoured was perfect diction. The boy before him started to cry, the doctors began to clamber to get him back out of the room.

“Gerard!” one of them yelled, shoving the boy in the middle of his back in an effort to get him to walk. “There, there, Steven. I meant you no ill-will, we’re good friends, you and I.

I’m merely curious and you don’t seem to speak to anyone else. It’s illogical, you need to speak” he continued as he left the room. The other boy, Steven, was escorted out shortly after him, who was now a trembling mess.

Frank looked back over at Sam, who, like everyone else in the room, was looking down into his lap. “T-that’s what he does, Frank, that’s how he is-s” Sam spoke up once the room began to make noise again.

“He likes to m-mess with people, he doesn’t g-get that he hurts them, he c-can’t. I don’t even know if I c-can say that he’s cruel, I don’t think he understands” he went on, shrugging, taking a slightly more relaxed stance to the other as he went through his thought process.

“He’s a one” Frank suggested, smiling. “Yes, h-he is” Sam agreed, looking around the room, noting that others were beginning to leave. “We can go back to the-e day r-room now, if you like, they’ll l-let us use the radio again” he said, standing up.

Frank simply nodded and stood up. As the two began to leave though, now being the last people out of the room, Sam was stopped by a nurse.

“You didn’t eat a thing” she mouthed. Sam looked towards her and let out an over exaggerated sigh. “I guess I d-didn’t” he jibed. “Right, you know what’s going to happen now” she retorted, another nurse joining her.

“You haven’t eaten properly for four days, you know the rules” the new one said, taking one of the arms of Sam, who passively began to walk with the pair.

“Looks like I’m off, see you l-later Frank” Sam smiled as he was led away. Frank stood like stone for a short time, watching his friend being carted off. He only seemed to struggle slightly and most likely for his own amusement, Frank thought.  



	3. Chapter 3

Frank walked back into the day room, to be greeted as per usual with stares of varying sorts. He almost laughed to himself when he realised that he’d only been in the facility for a matter of hours and already it was turning out to be rather eventful.

Frank decided in the back of his mind that he must have simply come on a bad day.

He paced behind the row of sofas that were pointed towards the television and contemplated for a moment as to whether or not he should join the group.

He figured though, after a long time, that it was indeed nearing the night and he’d had enough drama for one day, so he decided to retire to his room.

As he walked though, Frank realised, and laughed to himself, that actually, more drama was likely to await him once he got back to his room, in the form of Gerard.

Despite everything that he had seen, he still found the other as intriguing as when he had first heard of him. He was truly insane, Frank thought, to a fascinating degree. He longed to get friendly with the boy, wondering if it would make his experience of the place more interesting.

Once Frank reached his room, he noticed that the door was wide open. Frowning, he walked to it, peering in. Gerard was laid on his bed.

Only this time, both his hands and his feet were bound, his feet being securely tied to the metal frame of the bed. Frank paused to behold the scene before him, almost finding it funny. Gerard was using what little movement he had to hold a book to his face, scanning the pages attentively.

“Hey” Frank spoke quietly, walking into the room. “Be a dear and shut the door, won’t you? I can’t stand the sound of shuffling, faltering…” Gerard interjected, his eyes not moving from the page. Frank spun around on his heel.

“Oh, uh, right” he garbled, closing the door with an alarming amount of hast. “You’re hardly graceful are you, Frank?” Gerard stated, setting the book down on his lap. Frank just stared back at the other, at a loss for words.

“I uh, I guess not, no” Frank responded, moping towards his bed and sitting on it, facing towards Gerard. “I saw you in the dining hall. Did you like my little performance, Frank? I don’t think Steven did very much” Gerard said.

Frank remained quiet for a moment, unsure if Gerard really wanted him to reply. “I don’t think he did either” he said back hesitantly, trying to look at the other boy but oddly finding it difficult.

Gerard appeared to smile, turning his head sternly to look at the other. “You were with the thin boy, Sam. He’s a nuisance to the staff, they complain about him when they think no one's in ear shot.

They know he’s lying about his condition but they also know discharging a boy so dangerously underweight would be a disastrous press outing” his gaze was stern, aiming to keep an eye contact with Frank.

“Are you friends with him now? Good friends?” Gerard mocked. Frank shrugged. “I don’t know… he’s in confinement right now I think… I don’t know when I’ll see him again…” he mouthed as casually as possible, Gerard smirking at this vain effort. “He’s a silly boy. A naughty boy, really.

Well, Frank, I suppose you’re going to be stuck in here with me now, aren’t you? Why are you here? You seem boringly sane” Gerard pressed on. Frank found it hard to keep his eye line focused on Gerard, whose stare was quite frankly off putting.

“I uh, I’m just schizophrenic” Frank mouthed simply. “No” Gerard snapped, his face becoming instantly and alarmingly unamused.

“You’re not just schizophrenic. Not here, not in a place like this. Those who are just schizophrenic get pumped with pills, hand fulls of them, they go on, living usual lives, getting a job and fucking their wives, perhaps popping out a few defective children.

No, you must have had something happen. Not a cause, per say, but some element that makes it worse than it otherwise would be.

I was right, wasn’t I? That somebody you knew had died suddenly. Tell me Frank, I’m begging you” he said, concluding with his common monotonic smirk, emphasising the word ‘begging’ with a cruel tongue.

Frank let out a long sigh, nodding lightly to himself. “Yes, Gerard. My father died” he mumbled. Gerard grinned at the other, not for any reason pertaining to a morbid nature, but simply proud of his own skills of perception.

“Murdered, I bet. By a family member. A close one?” Gerard questioned on. Frank swallowed thickly and nodded, though his expression did not really dull; the sadness of the situation rarely hurt him anymore.

“Frank, you don’t speak enough, I don’t like it” Gerard interjected Frank’s thought process. “I’ve been in this institution since I was twelve years old.

Not here, of course, I’ve been told this ward is spared especially for the adults, but down the hall, seventh door down, there’s a smaller ward, one for so called disturbed youngsters, I was there, that’s where I lived” he began his speech.

Frank found himself being almost glued in his position, intrigued about what the other was going to say. It was all surprisingly sudden.

He couldn’t shake the strangeness of the others voice though, the fact that throughout their entire talk it had been nothing more than a complete chant. No emotion, no variation, not even a twinge in his facial expression.

To Frank it looked as though he was simply going through the motions of communication, simply using it as a means to convey a subject matter as opposed to present a form of character.

It almost seemed scripted, and Frank would have assumed that it was, hadn’t it been so articulate.

“But that was almost seven years ago now” he went on, bringing up his bound hands and lightly scratching his face. His eyes flickered momentarily away from Frank and down at his hands, traveling quickly to his feet.

“They wanted me to apologise for upsetting Steven. I told them I had and they threatened me with removal of my personal possessions, so I bit the nurse” he explained, smiling to himself.

“They seemed very shocked, though I had tried to harm them before when they’d been impolite to me. The nurses know that I’d never hurt a fellow patient so I can’t help but feel that all this is somewhat unnecessary, don’t you find?”

Frank couldn’t help but smile at the other boy’s bazar courtesy, almost laughing. Improbably, Gerard responded in a similar way, chuckling lightly at Frank’s amusement.

“As you can see, they took away most of my books, I only have my copy of ‘Selected Rimbaud’ left, which I have read a hundred times I assure. But that’s beside the point, I find” he went on.

“I’m nearing my nineteenth birthday and I know that they’ll never let me out so long as I don’t get better. I think they’ve forgotten at this point what 'better' really means though.

They’ve tried to inject that comatose shit into my veins and I outright refuse it. I’m not 'better' if I’m a drooling idiot; I’m just a drooling idiot. I’ve heard them use the word psychopath. Which leads me to think that they’ve given up on me, as that it itself is not a condition, not one that can be cured anyway.

It is simply a state of mind, like being a paedophile or a queer. I’m trying to humbly except that I’ll be here for many years to come, but it’s a damn hard thing to do, Frank” he mouthed, his blankness returning and his everlasting gaze focusing back in on Frank.

“They told me that I would be here for a few days, a couple of weeks at the most… I don’t really know what they intend to do, I’m honestly regretting this as it is” Frank replied. Gerard frowned.

“Regretting? You signed yourself up for this? Poor Frank. Innocent Frank.” he spoke, in an almost sing-song like fashion. “Yeah…” Frank answered, looking briefly on the ground.

“What do the voices say? Are they the voices of your father? Or the seemingly absent mother?” Gerard compelled on, surprising Frank with his assumption that his mother was indeed lacking.

“My mum, my brother too. She ran away with him, they still haven’t found her or him” Frank spoke. The honesty appeared to make Gerard freeze up for a moment, astonished by the revelation.

This was exactly Frank’s aim. He knew the only way he was ever going to bearably live with the man was if he seemed as interesting as possible, as that was what seemed to keep Gerard loyal.

“I see. Not a pleasant woman then, I take it?” he suggested. Frank sighed. “She was the one who killed my dad, so no, I guess not” he said. Gerard nodded absent mindedly to himself, probably impressed by the dramatic nature of what he was hearing.

“I’d be guessing not too” he spoke. The door before them opened with a creek, Gerard’s head slowly moving in to view the situation with Frank’s head jolting.

“Gerard” the male nurse who stood before them spoke sternly, walking into the room with another man. “You’ve been in your restrains now for an hour. Have you calmed down?” the second said, his voice slow and tired. Gerard smiled.

“I and Frank here have been talking, I’m calm. I’m calm, aren’t I, Frank?” Gerard said as the two approached him. One of them looked over at Frank, who was simply staring out.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. He’s good” he said hurriedly. The nurse turned back to Gerard. “See, Martin. I’m ‘good’” the raven haired boy quipped as the two withdrew their keys, imitating Frank’s accent.

“Right” the second moped, unlocking the buckle of the retrains that held Gerard’s hands in place, the other mimicking a similar motion to the boy’s ankles. Gerard immediately sat up, resuming his regular pristine posture, starling the nurses.

“We don’t want to hear another remark from you tonight, Gerard. Just stay in your room. Go to sleep” the first man demanded as the pair scuffled out of the room. The door was shut loudly as the two left. Gerard stood up and paced for a moment, working his legs and arms from the crooked position of the restrains.

“Much better” he spoke. He paused for a moment, looking over at Frank. He held out a hand. “I’m glad we can finally have a proper introduction, Frank” he said politely. Frank frowned for a moment, before standing up and shaking the boy’s hand warmly.

His skin was soft and his grip was firm, as if it conveyed a small amount of feeling. Gerard smiled and sat down on his bed, assuming the previous stance of Frank; who sat down accordingly.

Gerard now though did not speak, not in any sense of awkward, but more so that he had simply finished what he had to say, and that he had the gentility to not babble on.

Frank was highly impressed by the other. He was completely captivated by him. Everything about Gerard had completely amazed Frank, he was clearly completely out of his mind, but it was the calmness in this that was so intriguing.

He spoke with such perfect language and moved how Frank had always imagined someone like Oscar Wilde to walk, with a vague sense of arrogance paired with decent self-respect.

Frank wondered what specifically Gerard had done to get himself in a situation where he would need to be sectioned, but he didn’t much want to scare him off by asking him anything too personal. From the proud way Gerard spoke, Frank knew that sooner or later he would find out.

“I make that ten” Gerard said, looking over at a clock placed highly on the wall. “I’ll take my leave; I want a bath after being bundled up all that time.

As well, I fancy seeing the look on the warden’s face when I demand that I don’t wish to go to sleep yet, can you imagine?” He chuckled.

“I would invite you along, but it would be more of an insult, the nurses watch you whilst you wash, you see, it’s all rather ghastly. All to stop the odd boy with a razor from hurting themselves. Ah well, needs must.

I expect you’ll be in bed when I return, so goodnight Frank” he spoke, exiting the room with a towel before Frank even had time to react. Frank merely smiled, laying himself down on his bed. It had been an eventful day, he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

A good few days had passed by Frank almost in sort of haze. Things had gone on as usual where Gerard was concerned, with his almost ‘going through the motions’ speaking.

Though they had talked a lot and Frank was sure Gerard knew absolutely everything there was to know about him, Frank found that he still knew very little about the other, who tended to talk of himself in a theatrical manner, cleverly saying very little.

Frank assumed that he would have been the same way with his councillors and that was why he had been locked up for so long. Emotionally, the other was completely shut down, it wasn’t so much, in Frank’s opinion, that he didn’t care or that he didn’t feel anything, as Frank had seen obvious mood changes in the boy, granted that they were somewhat dull in there extremity.

It was that he simply didn’t want anyone in his world. Frank still hadn’t figured out why it would be. The other had supposedly, according to Gerard’s own statements anyway, been a so called psychopath since he was very young and had been medicated on various behaviour stabilisers from the age of six, that was until he was sectioned, where he stopped taking any medication.

That was, Frank thought, the medication they weren’t hiding in his food; as it was the 70’s after all. Gerard knew that this was always going to be a possibility, as he had told Frank, but he’d also said that he never wanted to be as irritating as he found Sam, so wasn’t going to go on a hunger strike for something so unimportant as some vague behaviour medications, that appeared to be having no effect what so ever.

Frank was sat in a one on one therapy session. He’d only had one since his arrival and he’d been told by various doctors that the reason for this was because of his adapting to the medication they had prescribed him.

Personally, it had pissed Frank off no end, as he had intended only to spend a few days there, but slowly and surely, as Gerard had told him, he wasn’t appearing to be going anywhere.

“Frank, are you okay?” he soft voice of another doctor, now assigned to Frank, Dr Isher, came, disrupting Frank’s thoughts. “Oh, er, yeah, sorry… I was just thinking” Frank replied, sighing. “What about?” the other enquired, crossing her legs and placing her clip board down on her lap.

Frank paused for a time, wondering if he should just bull shit about some sort of depression; but after a while, he figured that he had nothing to lose by complaining, so that was his plan.

“I want to fucking leave. Dr Harris told me I would be here for a few days; I’d pop some pills, moan about some things and then fuck off home. Done. Finished. But I’ve been here for eight days now and this is only my second therapy session.

What’s the point of me being here if I’m not getting any therapy? I was fine on the outside…” Frank snapped, trying to calm himself though shortly after his spark. The doctor paused for a moment.

“We do have other patients to see here Frank” she quipped, her voice remaining soft but somewhat belligerent. “I know that” Frank rolled his eyes. “But I was told this would be quick. There’s barely a thing wrong with me and you guys know it. Everyone else knows it” he went on.

“Have you heard anything from your mother or brother since you were here?” she interjected, smugly. Frank could almost feel himself glaring at her. She was right, he had, and he knew that she was going to use that as some sort of reasoning for his condemnation.

“Yes” he spoke quietly. She smiled at him, in her arrogant fashion and nodded. “Well, let’s start there then. What have they been saying?” Frank froze up. He thought for a long while, wondering whether or not to go on with his sarcasm or to actually take the session seriously, considering that after all it is what he had signed himself up for. He sighed.

“Mum’s been saying that I need to scratch my arms” Frank began, leaning back and letting his eyes shut. “I heard a mumbling last night when I was in bed. I laid there for a long time, trying to make sense of it.

After a bit it had died down, but then I heard her shouting. Made me shit myself; I’ll tell you that… And yeah, she said I didn’t have any matches; that she looking for matches.

She told me that I was bad for not having any matches, so I should hurt myself with my nails” Frank slowed down whilst he spoke, realising that perhaps his illness really was something that should be looked in to, which he assumed was the desired effect of the therapy.

“And did you?” the female asked. Frank shook his head. “No, I didn’t” he spoke. The woman tapped her pen on her leg a couple of times, looking up over Frank’s head and biting her lip. “Let me see your arms” she spoke up after a while. Frank frowned.

“Excuse me?” he enquired, fumbling nervously with the sleeves of his, still hospital ascribed, shirt. “You haven’t been on any sort of self-harm watch, which is foolish in my opinion, I want to see your arms” she went on, standing up.

Frank shot her a glance of repugnant discomfort, reluctantly rolling up his sleeves. The doctor looked over his wrists, before commenting “a little further”. Frank groaned and pushed the fabric up further, holding his arms up and outstretching his palms. “There” he quipped as she sat down, Frank then rolling his sleeves back down.

“Good” she spoke, picking her notes back up again. Frank rolled his eyes. “Now Frank, what else would you like to talk about? Have the voices been saying anything else?” she went on, looking dully at the boy.

“Actually, yes, I do have something I would like to talk about” he spoke cockily. The women went on with a beckoning cloudy nod, putting her pen between her teeth. “I want to know about Gerard” Frank asked. The other grimaced.

“We’re here to talk about you, Frank. What’s been bothering you, what’s on your mind, what’s going on in your life – Not his” she said absently. Frank smiled self-righteously.

“He is going on in my life” Frank leant forwards. “I wonder about him, it preoccupies my mind. You want to know what’s going on in my mind, right? Then help me make sense of it all. I feel like I need to get him, I practically live with him after all”

Dr Isher gritted her teeth, putting the clipboard she held on the desk that sat between her and Frank, before leaning back and rubbing her temple. “Fine” she spoke, in an oddly similar way to Frank’s previous response to her demands, which made Frank smile to himself.

“We don’t really know very much about him, as I imagine you don’t either. He’d been in the children’s ward from the age of twelve after he attempted to strangle his brother” she paused.

“When he was fourteen we let him out for a time, thinking that he was in some sort of remission. His sociopathic tendencies had reduced significantly and he appeared to show real guilt for what he had tried to do.

We thought it was the best thing for him, we had no intention of institutionalise him” she let out a long sigh, glancing up at Frank. “I really don’t see how this is important, Frank” she spoke. Frank shook his head.

“No, please, go on… I can’t stop thinking about what happened to him, it’s bothering me more than my own freaking condition” Frank let out a light laugh. The woman smiled back. “If you really think it’ll clear your mind then fine, but you’re not to confront him with any of this.

It’s not confidential information or anything, he’ll talk openly about when he pleases, but I wouldn’t recommend you bring it up, unless you want more hassle” she said. Frank nodded, encouraging her to continue.

He was amazed that she really thought her telling him about Gerard would aid his recovery in any way. It was all really for Frank’s own curiosity and it made him question the capabilities of his new doctor. Frank was sure she was breaking some rules; he figured that she must be newly qualified.

“Well, about a week after his release he was brought back to us. He’d originally gone to stay with a grandparent, as at the time his brother had been away on a school trip and his mother had had to go and pick him up early, he was in France you see.

So two days later they came to take him home. The next day though, they had to explain to him that in the meantime his father had left, he won’t tell us why. But whatever the reason or what happened because of it, he attempted to murder his brother again.

This time though he was far more violent, he stabbed him, fractured several of his bones also. His mother found the boy two days later, crumpled up in the bottom of Gerard’s wardrobe, who had desperately been trying to heal him.

He did survive, but was in hospital for several weeks. Gerard was sent straight back here after he confessed. He showed no remorse this time around and doesn’t appear to have just yet. We’ve since labelled him a psychopath” she spoke.

Frank could hardly believe what he was hearing. The other clearly wasn’t a particularly gentle soul, but the sheer cruelty in the other’s actions astounded him. He knew there were people sectioned in the place who were criminals, but it never even occurred to him that they would be so dangerous, nor that the dangerous ones would be sharing Frank’s ward.

“Oh…” was all he could respond with. “Does that answer any questions for you, Frank? What specifically was bothering you about him?” she asked.

“He just… he’s really detrimental, he’s nice enough to me, really nice in fact, but he’s so cruel to the others… I don’t know that he means to be. He upsets them and then wonders why they are upset” Frank let out a faint laugh.

“I was wondering mainly why he is so nice to me? He does recognise that he’s nice to me too” he enquired. The doctor looked down for a second, fumbling her mind to come up with an answer.

“His therapist, Dr Ward, said to me that it’s because the others can get better, he hates that in them, because he knows that he’ll never get better. It’s a sort of subconscious envy he has about them, that translates into his passive aggressive nature.

He represses any feelings he has you see, probably because a lot of them are very aggressive” she spoke, her voice growing ever calmer, her previously seen forceful nature fading, Frank assuming it was all part of her code of conduct.

“Then, why does he like me?” Frank pressed. She shrugged. “He probably doesn’t think you’re ill, I mean, you’re schizophrenic, but it’s entirely controllable once we get down to what exactly you have.

The others here, they’ll be in therapy for the rest of their lives, they might even be here for the rest of their lives. Their conditions aren’t curable by any medication we currently have and in a lot of cases their therapy is going nowhere… But there is hope for them, and that’s what Gerard hates.

We’ve tried to medicate Gerard but he won’t have it, and in my opinion, rightly so. The only meds we’ve ever given him have very little effect in terms of controlling his psychosis and always end up making him throw up” she went on. Frank nodded, processing all the information he was given, still humouring that she must have broken some rules.

“Well, that’s our hour, Frank. I’ll arrange for you to have an extra group therapy session with Dr Harris, there’s one coming up in a couple of days. He’s been keen for you to elaborate on the voices you’ve been hearing.

He didn’t want me to today, he says I don’t know enough about you as of yet. He merely wanted a Q&A for you today” she smiled, standing up. Frank stood up slowly, confused somewhat by her words, realising that the whole meeting had been planned to go the way it did. Frank didn’t much care for the others getting in his head as they had. “Thank you, doctor” he spoke as he was let out the room by the other, who responded in a same manner.


	5. Chapter 5

Frank walked out in to the corridor and began to wonder towards the ward. He noticed that the light was dull, figuring a few bulbs must have tripped.

He spotted Gerard in the corner on the day room, sketch book at hand, next to a quietly playing record player. He walked towards the other and slumped on the sofa before him, smiling widely.

Gerard looked up from his book and grinned at the other likewise, shutting off the music as courtesy.

“Hello, Frank” Gerard spoke, placing the drawings on the table beside him, along with the short, blunt pencil. “Hey” Frank replied, looking over at the book.

“You drew that?” Frank commented, surprised, pointing towards the outline of a figure, finely done, with much detail.

He decided as soon as he’d left the session that he was going to mention nothing about what he had been told, he was simply going to adjust what he said every now and again.

Not to press information, but simply to be more sensitive, having realised the error in some of the things he had said to Gerard that had made him recoil somewhat.

Explicit mentions of his father’s death had been a thing he had mentioned to Gerard, and it had often caused the other to shut down, of course, he knew exactly why now. Still, it made him no less curious about the reasoning for Gerard’s actions.

Oddly, Frank found himself unchanged in his views of the other, if anything, he actually felt closer to him, as a shield of mystery had been lifted, despite the atrocious nature of the boy’s situation.

Gerard nodded gleefully. “I did, do you like it, Frank?” he asked, shuffling up his seat towards the other. “I do, it’s really good. Seriously, why didn’t you tell me you could draw? It’s awesome” Frank replied, peering down further but not daring to touch it.

Gerard shook his head. “You see Frank; I’m not allowed to draw. They won’t allow me to have pens, or pencils. That’s why I’m tucked away over here” he sounded quietly, his glance shifting up momentarily to check for any looming staff, of which there were none; a strangely common instance, Frank thought.

“Why not?” Frank enquired, frowning. Gerard giggled quietly. “I fell out of my bed one night, damn pencil went right up my thigh, surprisingly deep” he spoke, causing Frank to visibly shudder at the idea.

“They don’t believe me though; they counted it as a suicide attempt. Really though, had that been my intention, I would have surely gone for my stomach, right?” Gerard asked rhetorically, Frank nodding in response.

“Shit, that must have caned” he mumbled, hushing his voice as Gerard had. “Astonishingly, not as much as you would think. You should have seen their faces though, when I hobbled into the corridor with a pencil in my leg at one in the morning” Gerard laughed.

Frank shook his head, smiling to himself, letting out a faint chuckle. Gerard took the note book and shoved it under the cushion of the sofa where he sat, as well as the pencil; Frank stared at him curiously.

“They check the rooms, Frank. If they find this they’ll take it off me. I’ve been hiding it under here for about nine months, really shows up how clean this place must be” he grinned.

Frank looked around briefly, perhaps looking onwards for dirt, but not really being sure of his intentions. After a time, he looked back at Gerard, who was taking the record from its player and gently placing it back into its sleeve.

“What is that?” Frank enquired, looking over but being unable to get a view of the cover. Gerard briefly looked at Frank before speaking.

“It’s T-Rex, the older stuff, I mean. It’s far less glam-rock, it means something deeper, I always felt” he said, his speech lacking its usual rehearsed style, Frank assuming that Gerard was probably asked about his interests very little.

“Can’t say I’ve listened to them” Frank confessed, shrugging.

“Are you serious, Frank? I would have thought you, with all your tattoos and such, would have been into something somewhat more alternative” Gerard responded flippantly, reaching dully into his pocket and retrieving a cigarette, lighting it between his parted lips. Frank giggled.

“Well, I like old rock music, Buddy Holly and stuff like that” he retorted, Gerard nodding his head in approval. “Aren’t you fashionable?” he joked, blowing out a breath of smoke as he smirked.

“I believe I am” Frank cocked his head back, snatching the fag from Gerard’s lips and taking a long inhale, before placing it back between Gerard’s maws.

Gerard laughed and flicked some of the ash to the ground, taking simply one more drag before stubbing the article out on the arm of the chair, as there appeared to be no ashtray available.

“You’re a bold one, Frank. Walk with me” Gerard quipped as he stood up, straightening his shirt. Frank nodded and began to walk by side him, following him without question to an outside door located in the corner of the ward.

Frank noticed once more that the boy appeared to be exhausting hospital clothing still, whereas Frank was now allowed to bear a small collection of his clothing, that day being dawned simply in a brown blazer and tight grey trousers combination; bland, but still more humanising than the clinical white Gerard was wearing.

“Gerard, why don’t you have your own clothes?” Frank asked carefully as they walked through the door into the cold winter air.

It hadn’t snowed, though frost had accumulated in thick quantity on the ground. Gerard’s shirt was only very thin and so Frank wondered how the other hadn’t shuddered in the coolness.

Gerard walked them to a sheltered bench area, merely a double, wooden seat under a harsh looking chicken-wire mesh. Gerard took the first seat, beckoning Frank to do the same.

“I came straight from jail to here, they make you wear a uniform there, too, Frank. Once they took the flattering orange off me I got landed with this white, and my mother never bothered to acquire me anything else.

Lord knows the doctors here would dread me to be anything human looking, so they won’t buy me anything either” Gerard spoke precisely. Frank paused for a moment, registering the words.

“You were in jail?” Frank pressed, remembering that this was not information that Gerard had previously presented to him, so he was not to know.

“Of course I was, but you knew that. You also know I was in there for being violent, don’t you?” Gerard spoke back, turning his head to face the other, who was staring out in shock towards the grounds before them.

“I can see it in your sad eyes, Frank. They always do that, to anyone who dares speak to me. They’ll tell you everything there is about me in hopes that it’ll bring you to your senses.

I’ve been told I impede peoples progress and because I’m not willing to be an antisocial little fuck, they try and stop people before I have a chance to, and I quote, ‘get in their heads’” he went on.

There was a distinct sadness in Gerard’s words, almost as if he was going to cry. It felt like more of cry of desperation, of being simply fed up of an endless problem than any real depression, Frank thought.

“I’m… uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude” he spoke softly. Gerard sighed and smiled over at the other. “You’ve got too kind a nature about you Frank. It’s entrancing” he grinned.

After a time the boy’s face fell, resuming its regular plain stance. “Did they tell you how I cut him?” he spoke quietly, looking at the ground. “Y-yeah” Frank gulped, biting his lip.

“They make it sound worse than it was. I tried to help him you see, Frank. They don’t like to tell you that part. I held him afterwards; I promised him it would be okay. And it was, he lived” Gerard responded defensively, his speech speeding up significantly. His words as cracked as they had before.

“Yeah” Frank spoke as warmly as he could, placing a reassuring hand on Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard looked over at the boy’s soft fingers as they rubbed over the thin cloth.

He smiled and leant against the boy, sighing contently, surprising Frank somewhat. “If I tell them anything like this in my therapy, they tell me I’m being erratic.

They’ve branded me a psychopath and so any feeling I exert is read as some sort of breakdown. They’ll try and pump me with sedatives and lock me away for several days. And they wonder why I don’t talk, Frank” he mumbled.

The two sat like that for a lengthy period of time, each other’s company being the only soothing they needed. Suddenly, a buzzing sounded, followed by a bunch of patients roaming the grounds.

“That’ll be exercise time…” Gerard ghosted, shifting into a sitting position. “Fancy going to the tennis courts and having a round with broken rackets over a ripped net?” he questioned with a jeery attitude.

“Not really” Frank replied, shaking his head with a broad grin. “Me neither. There’s a boy here who runs around collecting the balls whilst you play, just because they are yellow.

We told the nurses but if they try and get them off him he’ll piss on them. I don’t know why they won’t just let us play something else” Gerard retorted, standing the pair up to migrate from the area, lest they were forced to partake.

Frank burst out laughing at Gerard’s casual mentioning, considering the actual ferocity of that situation.

Just as they were about to leave, Gerard felt a tapping on his shoulder, causing him, and in turn Frank, to spin around. “Hello there, Alfie” Gerard spoke calmly, looking up and down the boy before him.

The boy was much older than the pair, perhaps thirty, Frank thought, with a shaggy brown pixie cut and primarily blue attire. His look was stern, and although he was thin, his jaw was square.

“Gerard” he began, taking a step closer to the pair. Frank was weary. “Did you really think it was necessary to speak to Steve the way you did the other day?” he spat, folding his arms.

Gerard grinned. “No one else will tell him. He’s obsessed with his mother, don’t you think it’s a little bit strange?” he spoke.

“Shut the fuck up. You know you were being a prick. Go and tell him you’re sorry, you little shit” the man replied. Frank flinched at the other’s words but Gerard remained sturdy as ever, his body language and face saying motionless and strong.

“But I’m not” Gerard quipped. With that, a broad fist collided with the side of Gerard’s face, sending him toppling over. “You fucking son of a bitch!” Alfie yelled down at the boys introverted form.

Frank jumped at the impact, frozen in his position as he watched Gerard try to pick himself up. “Your persuasion skills are excellent as always, Alfie” he spoke clearly as he got to his feet.

“Mother fucker!” the man drove another fist towards Gerard, narrowly missing the boy’s cheek. Before Gerard could speak any further, which Frank humoured would have been something along the lines of ‘no, that’s Steven’, Frank saw a nurse dashing towards them.

“Hey! You two! Stop it right now!” he hollered, several others joining him as he travelled. One of them grabbed Gerard from his hobbling state and walked him harshly back into the ward.

“Fucks sake, Gerard” the woman spoke. Frank followed them, looking back and seeing the other get a simple talking to before being lead back to the tennis courts. Frank rolled his eyes and headed through the door.

“We’ve had enough of this shit, Gerard. We’re revoking your grounds privileges until further notice” she hissed, literally dumping Gerard on one of the sofas.

The boy smirked at the comment, which the nurse noticed, her face screwing up into blind rage. “Right! Get to your room right now! You are to stay in there today. Frank, go outside!” she hollered, pushing Frank gruffly towards the door and shoving Gerard out of sight, towards the pair’s room.

Frank glanced around the corner of the corridor briefly, seeing that the two were no longer in sight. They hadn’t even stopped to look at Gerard’s bloody nose, Frank thought to himself.

He walked slowly towards the door, not feeling in any position to be defying a staff member. Suddenly, Frank felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around, to see Dr Harris stood before him. “Sorry, Frank, I didn’t mean to startle you. You have a visitor” he spoke softly.

Frank took a moment to compose himself, wearing down from the eventful nature of the day. He signed. “Okay, doctor” he mouthed, following the man out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6

Frank hadn’t been to the part of the hospital he was being directed to before.

Without detail, all there was in the upcoming building was a visitors’ centre, which was really very rarely used, as often visitors were trusted enough to simply see who ever it was on the wards. Or it was that the staff didn’t care.

Frank imagined though that he and the doctor were taking the scenic route, as the amount of locked doors they’d had to go through was rather alarming. Frank’s thoughts were confirmed.

“Sorry about the walk, Frank, I have to get some papers out of my office for you and your guest to sign” the doctor spoke, pausing at an office.

“Wait, who is it?” Frank enquired as the other began to unlock the door. Dr Harris paused for a moment, furrowing his brow.

“Well isn’t that something, I don’t think he gave a name” he laughed, his charming Irish accent that Frank assumed he was trying to conceal kicking in slightly.

Frank had wondered before why the other’s voice had seemed to strange, obviously now realising it was because of an inflection shift; why the change though, Frank couldn’t decipher. He assumed the other must have moved at some point.

Frank giggled to himself when he realised the extent of his wondering mind, he hadn’t even noticed the doctor enter the room, shutting the door behind him and leaving Frank to mill around in the corridor.

As Frank peered around the walls, it suddenly struck him; he was in the women’s ward. He wondered what kind of women’s ward though, was it the criminals? The ones of lower intelligence or the rebels whose parents were too upper class to deal with?

He looked up and down the walls, it was all very similar to the men’s; bar the pin up girls instead being replaced with boys. The clock on the wall read almost seven o’clock, which surprised the boy.

Frank noticed a small congregation of girls walking down the corridor towards him, giggling and chattering amongst themselves.

He shifted so he was against the wall, though still watching them intently, slightly concerned by what was to be expected. He longed for the doctor to come back.

Frank decided to look the other way, towards the outside door located a few feet away from the office.

“Hey” a female voice came from behind him. He let out a slight sigh, turning his head slowly to look at the others.

There was five of them stood there, the closest to him, the one speaking, was a short girl, with a mid-length bob in a bright ginger. She was a larger, bubblier girl than the rest, who all looked rather lanky.

“Um, hi” Frank spoke, tapping his foot, begging for the time to pass. “What’cha doing here?” she spoke in a singing fashion, swinging on her heel, making the girls around her cackle.

“I um, I’m here with Dr Harris, I’m going to the visitors' centre” he spoke. The girl turned around and whispered to the others for a moment, turning back with a wide grin.

“Jenny says that she fancies you, do you fancy Jenny?” she giggled, a tall, gaunt looking girl being pushed forwards by the other girls; who Frank assumed was Jenny.

“I don’t know” Frank couldn’t help but laugh slightly, loosening up. This girl was far too endearing to be annoyed at. She had the disposition of a child, despite probably being the same age as Frank.

“But look!” the girl squealed, bringing who was assumed to be Jenny forwards by a loose sleeve. “We did her hair today; I did the curling on the ends, isn’t it pretty? Aggie did the makeup on her eyes, see?” she went on.

Frank smiled. “Her hair is very pretty” he complimented. All of the girls, except Jenny, descended into little fits of giggling. “Thank you so much!” the ginger spoke.

With that, the girls turned around and left, hurrying like children would. This was again, with the exception of Jenny. “Sorry about that” the girl now before him spoke, scratching the back of her head.

“I’m in with all the retards, they told me my hair needed doing” she went on, harshness in her words; which Frank found ultimately repugnant.

“They’d get the nurses on me if I didn’t let them do what they want, they are so damn stupid” she laughed cruelly. “Mm” was all Frank could retort with, feeling very uncomfortable about the other. The girl grinned.

“You’re just nervous because I bet you haven’t seen a girl in ages” she hummed, stepping closer to Frank. Frank frowned. “I uh, I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks…” he replied, shifting away from her a touch.

The girl’s flirty nature dropped instantly. “You’re one of the self-admitted, aren’t you?” she snapped, a sharp finger prodding Frank in the chest. “Uh, yeah. Yes I am.” He said hesitantly.

“You’re not even fucking crazy!” she yelled in his face, her eyes welling up. “Hey!” a voice called from the other end of the hall; a nurse.

“Get your but back into the day room now! Step away from him!” the voice was distinctly cautious, Frank wondered if the one before him had a history of being dangerous.

“I wasn’t even gunna hurt him, Jesus Christ…” the girl mumbled, striding back down the corridor. The nurse gave Frank a reassuring smile as she walked the girl through a pair of double doors.

Frank was slightly dumbfounded by the gesture, thinking that the staff in this area of the hospital seemed a lot kinder than those in the men’s wards. He guessed that the amount of fights they had to break up probably meant a more robust staff type was required.

The door suddenly clicked behind him. “I’m so sorry about that Frank; I couldn’t find the damn file. I heard Jenny out here; I take it Val got her away from you?” the doctor questioned as he shut the door behind him, indicating Frank to shadow him down the corridor.

Frank gave a dull nod and followed the other silently down the corridor. He began to think about who the hell would want to visit him in a place like this.

Of course he gathered that it would be a friend, but he had an anxiety over whether it was one who would be inclined to understand his position.

But as he walked out into the courtyard which lead to the visitor’s area, he noticed a figured sat near the window of the building, and immediately recognised it to be Mark, a man Frank had been friends with since school.

Frank found himself smiling openly as they walked into the building. “Now Frank, I won’t give you a pat down here but once you’re done you’ll be asked to empty your pockets and such, in case you were passed anything you’re not allowed, you understand?” Dr Harris said, opening the door to the room where Frank knew Mark was sitting.

Frank nodded. “You’ve got thirty minutes” he concluded. “Yes” Frank said simply, walking into the room, the doctor shutting the door behind him.

“Frank!” Mark sounded excitedly as Frank walked into his view. He shot up, bringing Frank into a tight hug. “Fucking hell man, you don’t call me for a couple of months and you end up in here? You crazy son of a bitch!” he mumbled into Frank’s sleeve as Frank brought his arms up to squeeze the boy with equal warmth.

“It’s good to see you…” Frank mumbled back humbly, the two letting go of each other and sitting down at a table and chairs placed in the middle of the room.

“What the fuck did you do, man?” Mark jeered, leaning back in his chair. Frank shook his head, taking great refuge in the other’s jokey nature; which was something he’d really been missing.

“You know I hear shit, Mark. It got a little worse, that’s all. My roomie was worried about me. It’s no biggy, I won’t be in long” Frank replied coolly.

“Oh yes, your ‘roomie’, Shannon, isn’t it?” Mark smirked. “I am not sleeping with her Mark, oh my God! When are you going to let that go?” Frank rolled his eyes. Mark shrugged.

“Your face is priceless, Frank” he quipped. Mark bit his lip and looked down for a moment. “What’s up?” Frank asked, noting how the boy’s hyperactivity seemed to have vanished from him in an instant.

“I just, something happened, Frank” he sighed, leaning forwards and looking the boy before him in the eye; a sympathetic glance. Frank frowned. “Oh yeah, what?” Frank said, an unease returning to him.

“I’m sorry to be a downer, Frank. I really am glad to see you” he said as happily as he could, but knowing he had to move on to more pressing issues. “She’s back” he spoke sternly.

“Who?” Frank asked. Mark shuffled for a moment, putting his elbows on the desk. “Your mum, Logan too” Mark spoke compassionately; Logan being Frank’s brother.

Frank almost gasped, staring blankly at the other in a state of disbelief. He honestly felt like he could just break down and cry; but he never wanted to give his mother that sort of satisfaction.

“I’m so sorry, Frank” Mark spoke, taking hold of one of Frank’s shaking hands, rubbing the knuckle soothingly. Frank couldn’t speak at that point in time.

This woman had ruined his life, most likely his brother’s life too. She had robbed him of his childhood and damned him with a mental illness; he’d be happy if she was just gone forever.

“Where is she?” Frank rasped after a very long period of silence. Mark leant back again, letting go of Frank’s hand. “She’s at the old house” he spoke quietly.

“Why?” Frank snapped, almost standing up. “What the fuck it she doing at my fucking house!” Frank felt tears fall down his face. Mark sighed and walked around the table, kneeling down beside his friend, trying to gage an eye contact.

Frank slumped down, looking over at the boy. “She… she was acquitted… There was a private investigation” he said in an almost whisper.

“No!” Frank yelled, standing up. They could hear the footsteps of the doctor loom by the door, though he never did enter; Frank realised he would have to quiet himself to get any privacy.

He sat down. “No, no… why, what the fuck happened?” he whimpered pathetically. “She said… she said that he’d abused her… that she’d run off before he was killed. The jury ate it right up” Mark spoke, anger building up as it was in Frank.

“She’ll not be there long though, everyone around here knows she’s guilty, she’s had death threats. She’ll be gone soon” he concluded.

Frank let out a shaky sigh. “What about Logan? Where’s Logan?” he spoke with some panic. “With her, but the papers have said he’s been wanting to stay at your grandparents” Mark responded calmly.

“Good… good” Frank mumbled to himself. Abruptly, Dr Harris returned to the room, standing in the doorway. “Frank, that’s your session” he spoke. “I’ll be right back, both of you need to sign these” the doctor placed a clip board before Frank, along with a pen.

There was a red marker where the pair proceeded to sign; it would appear only to register that the event had occurred.

“Listen Frank; please don’t get too down about this. She’s around now. The police will be able to keep a tab on where she is, she won’t get away with this and everybody knows it” Mark offered as they stood up to take there leave.

“Don’t let her in your head, Frank. She doesn’t fucking deserve it. The greatest ‘fuck you’ that you can offer her is to continue not giving a shit. I’m begging you, Frank, carry on with your treatment, get better” he finished as Dr Harris re-entered the room.

“Thanks” Frank responded with composure. “I love you man, keep strong” Mark said sadly as he hugged the boy one last time before his departure.

Frank didn’t speak but Mark knew that he wished him the same. With a solitary wave, Mark left.

Frank was lead first to his obligatory pat down and then back to the day room, where it was dawning the evening and he was pretty much left to his own devices.

He decided that he was very much fed up of the day and merely wanted to sleep, thinking that by now the nurses would be happy if he joined Gerard in their room.

He walked passed whoever looked up at him in the day room with no regard, determined to obtain his sleep. He reached his room and opened the door without second thought.

Peculiarly, the room appeared empty; Frank assumed that the other must have gone for a bath. He paced in and sat on his bed, leaning down to peel his shoes from his weary feet.

A streak of light formed its way up Frank’s leg though, causing him to look up when he realised that the bathroom door, which only contained a single toilet and a sink, was opened a crack.

He imagined Gerard was in there. After a time with no sound, he got up and peered cautiously around the corner of the door. Gerard was indeed there.

But as opposed to what Frank had though, he was stood upright; his palm placed flat against the wall, with his other hand trailing around his waist, stroking himself vigorously.

Frank could swear that he almost gasped as he shot back from the door, it was only then that he noticed the sight moaning emerging from the other. He sat silently in shock for a moment, frozen.

Soon though, he decided he needed a desperate ice breaker. Frank quietly walked back towards the door of the room and opened it again, though this time closing it with higher force.

Gerard’s sounds stopped and the light flickered off. He stepped out of the bathroom. “Hello, Frank” he spoke in his typical confident tone, walking around the boy and sitting on his bed; he already dawning his nightwear.

“Hey” Frank hurried, trying his best to mask what he had just seen. Gerard looked at him for a short time, before smiling to himself.

“I’m going to sleep now, Frank. Goodnight” he said, leaning over and turning off the lamp beside his bed, Frank’s now being the only one on.

It was only nearly nine, Frank thought, but in such a boring a place as this, he couldn’t blame the other for wanting to sleep.

He couldn’t shake the thought that perhaps Gerard had seen him watching, though. It panicked him.

But, after getting undressed and getting into bed, Frank deliberated that the other couldn’t have, or he would have prepared a smart remark.


	7. Chapter 7

Frank was dragged out of bed early, being told that a group therapy session was bound to commence at some point soon.

Gerard had been awoken with equal pessimism and the two had groggily gotten ready for their day.

Several days had passed now since Frank’s meeting with Mark and he had begun to feel significantly better about the revelation that his mother was back in the picture.

Of course he found himself still seething that she dared try to get away with what she had done, and in essence, Frank knew that she had; for now.

Mark’s words about her still being distrusted was a huge relief, considering that at the time of her disappearance, a lot of those around Frank were preparing to give her a hero’s welcome, for finally leaving the man who had made her life a misery.

Frank wasn’t going to lie and say that the marriage was completely hunky dory and she’d completely lost it when she killed him.

They did have extensive marriage problems, mainly revolving around the fact that neither of them could control their money, Frank had always thought.

But there was no violence, not one ounce of it. Frank knew it and he knew everyone else did, his mother included. It was only really a matter of time before cracks would present themselves in her story, and he simply couldn’t wait.

Frank though, also knew that there would be issues surrounding double-jeopardy if she was ever going to go to retrial; he hoped the fact that she’d basically made up evidence would be enough to convince the courts.

But, Frank thought, what could he do in here besides wait? There was quite literally, without need to exaggeration, nothing he could do whilst he was sectioned.

Sure, he could write a letter or two and cross his fingers that the hospital would deliver them, but what was this compared to the magnitude of the situation? Frank began to think then about his brother and what he had been through.

Mark hadn’t really mentioned the state of Logan, only that he no longer wished to live with their mother. Frank was able to let out a sigh of relief, his main fear concerning the other being that he’d been completely brainwashed into a similar state of their mother, agreeing with her.

He knew though that there must have been some sort of complexity, otherwise why would the other have stayed with her as long as he did nor told the police where they were once he became brave enough?

Frank was sure he’d not been held captive by the other or surely this would have been the main thing told to him by Mark, as the papers would have eaten it up.

Frank at this point was putting on his shoes, a simple brown patent leather with a black sole; with Gerard having hurried off in his white trainers already.

Once the laces were tied Frank stood up, looking over himself briefly in a mirror. He desperately needed a shave, he thought, but he hated bringing attention to himself in the wash rooms, as, which Gerard had so blatantly told him, the staff did indeed watch him if he had access to a razor.

What Frank thought was odd though was that even when he was finished, and the razor had been returned and locked away, the staff still lingered around him, gawking at him even whilst he was in the shower.

It must have been some other safety measure, Frank figured, but it didn’t make him any less uncomfortable. He now understood why the majority of the men here were indeed not clean shaven, bar a few brave souls, Gerard included.

Frank knew that he’d have to let go of his pride soon though, he really was beginning to look like a tramp. He laughed.

Shrugging it off, Frank turned off the light of his room and left, shutting the room carefully behind him.

The corridors were completely empty, eerily so, Frank assumed everyone had already gone to their attributed therapy sessions.

As he walked, Frank’s mind suddenly flickered back to that night, a few days ago, where he’d seen Gerard in the bathroom. The other hadn’t mentioned a single thing about it and there days had gone on as usual.

Frank really was surprised that even if Gerard hadn’t seen him, that he hadn’t registered Frank’s awkwardness. Frank dismissed his query though, thinking that after all, Gerard was only human.

Soon, Frank found himself stood inelegantly in the corner of the group therapy room. There were groups of others stood around the area but Frank only recognised them by face.

There was six of them. It alarmed him how unfriendly some of the others there were. Not just to him, they were very similar with each other, at least around the newly admitted.

He knew the reasoning for their coldness didn’t relate to Gerard, as most of them appeared to fear him, so Frank gathered that if anything, they’d be being nicer to Frank out of wondering what Gerard would say to them otherwise.

But no, they seemed all rather distant. It wasn’t that Frank was offended or anything of the sort, it just made for a very boring time.

He looked around fleetingly, incongruously not seeing Gerard anywhere. One face did strike Frank though; it was Sam, leant drearily in the corner.

“Sam” Frank called as he walked towards him. The other boy’s head cocked up, he smiled. “Frank-k” he mouthed happily.

The boy stood before him was significantly heftier than he had been previously, still most likely underweight, but his ribs didn’t appear as serrated as they had done previously. He no longer looked on deaths door, Frank thought.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Frank asked the other now that he stood beside him. Sam grinned, shaking his head. “Ah, they had me in confinement for a-about three days. They wanted-d to move me to the h-higher risk ward…” he spoke cheerily, shrugging.

“But I didn’t g-get on with my nurse, they got fed up with me, so here I am” he laughed. Frank giggled back. “Sounds eventful” he quipped.

Suddenly, everyone around them took their seat, Frank and Sam doing to same instantaneously. Dr Harris entered to room, closely followed by Gerard and another patient, who Frank did not recognise, as well as another nurse.

“Sorry we’re late” the doctor said with a smile. Gerard glanced over at Frank and smiled, looking down at the empty seat beside him before walking over.

The boy Gerard was with appeared to mouth a goodbye, with Gerard doing the same, Frank assuming they were of similar condition, had they been in some sort of preliminary session.

Gerard took his seat next to Frank, with Sam sitting the other side. “Hey” Frank whispered over to Gerard, who broke his glance from the doctor for a moment, looking over at Frank.

“Good morning, Frank” he spoke softly. “Sorry for not sticking around this morning, that boy over there, Dennis, he arrived late last night and was feeling unrest; Dr Harris told me I’d be a good candidate to show him around.

Genuinely, I can’t think why. He’s a sweet boy, I suppose” Gerard giggled. Frank merely nodded as the session commenced, he couldn’t help but notice though Sam’s penetrating glance from the corner of his eye, focusing in on Gerard.

“Okay, last time we left off with John telling us about his wife” Dr Harris spoke up, causing all the minimal conversations around them to pause.

Dr Harris looked down at his notes. “We said last time that her cheating on you made you very angry, John” he went on. A man, who Frank assumed was John, shifted in his seat. “Yes” he mumbled, looking down.

“And you said that you hit her” the doctor pressed. “Yes” John mumbled again. “Okay, well, what does the group think about that? What would have been a better thing for John to do?” the doctor finished, glancing around the room.

The way he spoke was so juvenile, Frank thought, it was far different to the man he had spoken to one on one. He began to see why the majority of the patients couldn’t see eye to eye with the doctors and nurses; they really did treat them inhumanly.

A man across the room put his hand up. “Yes, Ryan” the nurse who was sat beside Dr Harris spoke.

“I think he should have talked to her instead” the man spoke gruffly; Frank couldn’t see his face clearly but was sure he’d be able to see his eyes rolling.

“Good. What would you have said? Frank?” the nurse went on, shifting her glance over to the boy, causing everyone else to look in Frank’s general direction. He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.

“I uh… I would have asked her why she did it. What she was missing” he mouthed. The nurse cocked up her eye brow. “What do you mean, what she was missing, Frank?” she asked, as if it was the most unexpected suggestion in the world.

That said, the look of the other patients, John included, would make it seem as though it was genuinely an unthought of question; which Frank thought was ridiculous.

“Well, yeah. Ask her what she felt she didn’t have to make her do that. She was obviously unhappy, she wouldn’t have done it purely to spite John” he murmured, watching carefully as John’s facial expression changed.

“I fucked her, I looked after her, I never beat her… I, I…” he cracked up, pulling at his dark matted hair. “It’s okay, John” Dr Harris piped up, standing up and wandering towards the disillusioned man.

Frank almost felt like some sort of villain, but then, delving on it, he knew he had done absolutely nothing wrong.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t be sensitive to the mental problems of those who surrounded him, the man here clearly had an anxiety problem of sorts, but what bugged Frank was that he didn’t really know what else there was to say.

If you can’t speak your mind in here, or offer anything constructive because it may cause upset, what was the point in doing this? It was hardly therapeutic.

Frank noticed the doctor escort the man from the room, causing the nurse to look down at her clip board once more, clearly looking for another thing to discuss.

“Okay, sorry about that everyone” she spoke. Don’t apologise for me, Frank thought bitterly. He decided he was fed up now. He was tired and hungry and the whole event was proving very pointless.

Aside from the fact that no one else in the room appeared to be gaining anything, Frank was sure that he was not. After all, he had a medicatable problem.

“Last time we also talked about Steven and Gerard’s arguing. Why don’t we pick that up?” the woman suggested. Frank frowned and looked over at Gerard, who was grinning widely. His glance then shifted to the boy he remembered vaguely to be Steven, who was looking very uncomfortable.

“Why don’t we not pick that up?” Frank spoke. The nurse before them almost gasped, her eyes widening. The boys around them looked very similar. That was all except for Gerard, who was plastered with a look of amusement.

“Excuse me, Mr Iero?” the woman garbled, checking her papers for the surname of the boy. “Steven doesn’t look very happy about talking about it. So why make him?” Frank knew he was being arrogant, but he just didn’t care anymore.

He was being completely unreasonable and he knew that there would be some backlash for his actions, but he was just too bored to care. He was stuck here, he figured, so he had nothing to lose.

“It helps to talk about things, Frank, that’s what we believe here” she said, just as Dr Harris re-entered the room. “I know, but, he doesn’t want to. See? He looks like he’s going to cry… and besides…” Frank begun, merely to be cut off by the woman.

So much for talking helps, Frank thought. “Please remove Frank from our meeting, Dr Harris, he is being very disruptive” she said sternly.

The doctor paused for a moment before indicating Frank to join him. Frank stood up in a huff, straightening his clothing.

He felt a hand cling to his as he stood and looked down, seeing that it was Gerard. “Bravo, Frank” the boy whispered with a wide smile, Frank beamed back. “See you in a bit” Frank sounded back quietly as he was lead out the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Frank only received a mild talking to by the doctor, who had told him honestly that he felt the nurses reaction was over the top, though Frank perhaps should in the future succumb to her whims, merely for an easier life.

Frank had also apologised to the character he now knew as John, who he had found reading in the corner of the dayroom by lunch time.

The other had appeared perfectly normal to Frank and had explained that the reason for this was an extreme bipolarity, and it was that the staff had simply caught him on a manic low during the meeting; he apologised likewise for his overreaction.

Frank found that he hadn’t seen Gerard for the majority of the day. He and the rest of the group had been stuck in their session until about eleven o’clock that morning, and between lunch and dinner, Gerard appeared to have been busy.

Frank assumed he had been in the art rooms, which was the only place where he was allowed to draw. Gerard had been complaining that he had wanted to paint, Frank remembered, so he settled on this being the most likely situation.

It was night time now and Frank had retreated back to his room to read. When he arrived, he found that all of Gerard’s things had been returned, his posters, books and the like.

Frank guessed that the reason for this was because of his recent grounds ban and the hospital was desperately trying to keep him occupied. Frank wondered if Gerard knew about it yet.

The door clicked at that moment and Gerard walking in. Frank smiled at the boy as he closed the door behind him, looking over his once again decorated walls with a massive sense of satisfaction. Frank giggled lightly when he realised the state of Gerard’s clothing, which were blotched with colour.

“Where were you? The art room?” Frank questioned as Gerard sat down on his bed, facing Frank. “Yes, I was. I did a very pleasing painting of the grounds, from the window.

They wouldn’t let me bring it back. I assume because I could use the wooden back of canvas as some sort of steak, but who knows. Maybe they just didn’t like it” he replied, smiling. Frank shook his head.

“Probably” he mouthed. After a time, Gerard piped up. “You made me laugh in therapy today. I think you’ve made Steven into your little fan boy” he smirked. Frank laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Sounds… charming” he jeered. “I think I’m going to go to sleep, Frank. It’s the first day in a while where they actually planned for us all to be busy.

As I’m sure you know, they normally leave us wondering around, doing fucking nothing” Gerard spoke, kicking off his shoes and lazily dressing into his night clothes, Frank reverting his eyes momentarily.

“Mm, me too. I’m knackered” Frank responded, mimicking Gerard’s movements. Soon enough, they were both tucked up in bed.

Frank faced the ceiling, but he was sure he could feel Gerard staring at him through the darkness. He didn’t know why the other would have been doing such a thing, but he didn’t really see the point in questioning anything Gerard did, as the other would always trump him with an ingenious reasoning.

Frank laid awake for the longest time, merely staring out into the darkness, able to pick up a few unrecognisable shapes from the room around him, notably his dresser, which presented a white outline as the moon reflected from the paint.

He almost felt unhappy, which would have been the first time since he arrived at the place. He’d been there far longer now than he had anticipated and it wasn’t something he was looking upon favourably.

A fear had set in about whether or not he would leave. Most likely brought on by the darkness.

Frank tried to shake the feelings as ridiculous, knowing that he wouldn’t be there forever of course, but the sight of the other patients, the ones that had been there since they were children, worried him. Half of them were completely sane.

Suddenly, almost making Frank jump, he felt his mattress sink beside him with a soft creak. He resisted the urge to look up, knowing full well that it would have to be Gerard.

A few times since his arrival, he had felt Gerard kneel there in the night in order to close the window that resided above Frank’s head.

But Frank knew it to be closed and the moment lingered somewhat. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep, curious of what the other boy was doing.

“Frank” a soft voice sighed from above him. Frank kept still. Thinking back to it, he really couldn’t think why he felt the need to be so dormant, he could have simply rolled over. But he’d chosen not to, Frank assumed it was in some sort of curiousness, or anticipation.

“Frank…” the voice murmured again. Frank let out a long breath, signifying that he was asleep. After a long pause, Frank felt the body slide down beside him, shuffling carefully under the duvet.

Frank gulped, finding it hard to not turn around and simply ask what the other was planning, but he was simply too inquisitive about Gerard, it was inexperience, really.

“Frank” Gerard said again, switching on the lamp beside them, his face close to the back of Frank’s head. Gerard’s arms carefully manoeuvred themselves around Frank’s waist, rubbing the fabric of Frank’s shirt lightly.

Frank’s eyes snapped open; he was astounded with the obliviousness he had displayed, having not gathered at all what Gerard was doing.

“G-Gerard” Frank chocked, though not moving his head to face the other. “Shh, Frank…” Gerard mumbled, gracing his thumbs slightly over Frank’s abdomen, pulling up his shirt slightly.

“Gee… stop” Frank gasped, trying to grasp on to Gerard’s hands, though weakly. “No, no Frank…” Gerard whispered, placing soft kisses down the back of Frank’s neck.

“It’s okay” he went on, nuzzling his face beside Frank’s. Frank simply stayed still. He was in a complete state of shock, but he couldn’t help but entertain a small notion in the back of his head telling him that he liked it, even just a little bit.

He let out a sigh, trying to relieve himself of any anxiety he felt. “I saw you, the other day. You watched me. You watched me so closely, Frank… For so long…” Gerard said softly, kissing the side of Frank’s face, his hands wondering slowly down to the waist band of Frank’s boxer shorts.

“Go on, Frank. Tell me to stop…” he went on, smiling to himself. Frank wanted to speak, but instead he felt his eye lids flutter shut, letting out another long breath.

“Good boy” Gerard’s hand ghosted tenderly into Frank’s shorts, Frank gasped slightly when Gerard’s warm hands touched his somewhat flustered cock.

“Mm…” Frank sighed, bringing his hands up to his mouth to silence himself. “My, my. Frankie…” Gerard faintly whispered to himself; Frank could almost feel himself smiling at Gerard’s calling him Frankie, which he ultimately found endearing.

Gerard placed one of his hands around Frank’s member, using his other hand to restrain the fabric of the boy’s pyjamas. He began to stroke it soothingly, listening closely to any whimper made from Frank.

“You like that, don’t you? You’ve longed to be touched…” Gerard said as he lazily sped up his movements, causing sweat to form on Frank’s skin. “Gerard…” he huffed, looking up at the other, his eyes begging the question: Why?

“I find you stunning, Frank. And I know I intrigue you. Just lose yourself Frankie… don’t even think about” he spoke pacifyingly, smiling warmly. Frank nodded.

Gerard’s lips came down and pressed themselves softly on Franks, the kiss lingering but not being particularly lustful. It was surprisingly emotional, Frank thought.

He realised that perhaps there was some over seen humanity in the other after all. Before Frank could engage in his thoughts too intensely, he felt a light push on his shoulder, causing him to lie on his back.

“You’ve not fucked in ages have you? I can tell. Even before this place. You’ve been gaging for it for months” Gerard whispered to the boy as he sat on top of him, grinding himself slowly over Frank’s erection.

He came down and kissed across Frank’s jaw line, nipping every now and again, each earning an approving gasp. Gerard brought his hand down again, pulling Frank fully from the confines of his clothing.

“Such a big boy, Frank” he mumbled, sitting up and back slightly, attentively beginning to stroke the boy at a steady rate. “Gerard…” Frank sighed, closing his eyes.

“You’ve never been with a man, have you? Only girls. Only sticky, confusing fumblings that couldn’t result in your satisfaction, no matter how much you tried, I bet?” he said coldly, squeezing down on the base of Frank’s cock, making him writhe somewhat.

“Don’t worry, Frank. I can make you scream” he continued his more vigorous movements, pulling Frank’s shirt up to his chest and rubbing his thumb over one of others nipples.

“Mm… Fuck” Frank sighed, placing his hand nervously on Gerard’s upper thigh. Gerard looked down for a moment at the hand and smirked, bringing his eye line back to Frank’s.

“I’m just as hard as you, you know” he giggled. Frank gulped and nodded his head, perhaps too enthusiastically, and warily placed his hand over Gerard’s groin, pressing lightly. Gerard groaned.

“Good boy” he sighed, moving his hand from Frank’s chest and pulling his thin trousers down slightly, his own erection popping out.

Frank placed his hand around Gerard fully, with wide eyes, and began to touch him in a similar manner to how the other was touching him; having not been with a man, as Gerard had so obviously proclaimed, Frank was largely unaware of how one would do this to another.

Gerard hummed, taking his hand from Frank for a moment to slip his shirt over his head. After a short time, he stopped Frank’s fumbling hand with soft fingers and helped Frank out of his own shirt, the pair’s trousers having naturally shifted from their bodies at this point.

Gerard unhooked his feet from underneath Frank’s legs and shifted himself so he was more so laying carefully over the other, as opposed to sitting on his hips.

It took Frank this long to realise that truly, they were now both completely naked. Gerard’s body was really something, Frank thought.

Though his frame and skinny and young, clearly the result of a slight case of malnourishment brought on by his incarceration, his muscles were still somewhat toned, giving him distinct features, most notable to Frank being his gorgeously pronounced collar bone.

“I didn’t realise that you had so many tattoos, Frank” Gerard hummed, pausing every word to kiss Frank’s neck, then his chest, getting lower and lower, shuffling his body down the frail mattress.

“I wish you had one here” he went on, kissing the boy’s hip bone, dangerously close to Frank’s cock. Frank was too far gone at that point to reply.

The situation was so surreal at that point Frank was barely able to keep a clear head. There was so much pleasure, so much softness, but it was paired with Gerard’s off brand of psychopathy, and the fact that pair had never previously discussed any attraction to each other, nor the possibility of attraction.

However, the way it was going now, was like they had spoken about it for hours and hours, perhaps even proclaimed love to each other.

It was awkward, but not because of any true discomfort or unwanting, it was more a sense of awkward one would feel if in their late teens and it was their first time, where any bad feeling is overridden by a deep yearning.

Gerard’s warm mouth carefully graced itself across the base of Frank’s cock, licking up the length of it to the tip. “Tell me, Frank, when was the last time you had a blow job?” he spoke with a leer. Frank gulped and finally brought his head to look down at the other.

Before Frank could speak, Gerard had pushed his way back up Frank’s body, carefully holding his shoulders.

“You look so glazed, so spaced out, like you’re in a dream” he spoke pensively, slowly trailing up his hand to Frank’s face, carefully thumbing the boys matt hair from his sweating forehead, kissing the area lightly, in an almost maternal feel.

Frank pressed his lips against Gerard’s trailing fingers lightly, his eye lids fluttering closed for a moment. Gerard shined, his lips a graceful smile, before shuffling back down the bed.

Frank looked down to fully observe Gerard, who wasted no time in taking Frank’s entire member in his mouth. “Shit” Frank cursed, pushing his head back into the pillows.

Gerard noticeably tittered at Frank’s response, the caused vibrations having a very desirable effect. Gerard’s head bobbed up and down at an almost skilled rate, surprising Frank with his lack of gagging. “Ah… ah” Frank wheezed, unable to say or do anything else.

Suddenly, Gerard shot up, leaving Frank paralyzed. The other got out of Frank’s bed and tossed the duvet over him, whispering a quick “shut your eyes” before returning to his own bed.

Frank did as he was told, still rasping, in a state of complete confusion. Gerard got in his bed and pretended to be asleep speedily.

Without any indication, the door clicked open in front of them, light flooding the room. “Checks” a nurse sounded, flashing a torch over the two supposedly sleeping forms before backing out of the room.

Frank was somewhat perplexed as to why he hadn’t noticed such activity before; he figured he must have been a heavy sleeper.

He rolled over as the door closed, to see Gerard on his side similarly, looking back at him with a content face.

“Goodnight, Frankie…” he breathed, his expression warningly calm. Frank merely gulped, turning around to face the other way. What the hell had just happened?


	9. Chapter 9

Frank had awoken as if he was still in a dream. The morning was a haze of sunlight, flooding in from a newly opened window. As the breeze drifted in through the gap, Frank became all too aware of his nakedness, remembering in an instant the previous night’s events.

It had been so bizarre, so unexpected, that Frank would have perhaps wondered if it was indeed a dream had he not woken up entirely naked.

Frank rolled over to see Gerard still sleeping soundly in his bed, huddled up in his duvet; he looked adorable, Frank thought.

Frank was undeniably queer; he had been as long as he could remember. But the social undesirability of the whole thing meant that he simply didn’t act upon it, ever.

He’d kissed plenty of crushes, but he’d never allow it to go any further than that, let alone a relationship. It had only been legal for ten years after all, Frank thought, so he was understanding of people’s distaste.

Mark knew, as did his mother, but aside from Frank these were the only people who he dared share it with; his mother only really being informed because she’d beaten it out of him. He’d never been unhappy about his position, it was simply due to the times, he knew.

Gerard shuffled slightly and let out a content sigh, Frank smiled. He looked so at ease, like he was completely without his disease, even if just for a moment.

Frank wondered how far it would have gone had the nurse not interrupted them. He knew he would be damned for thinking it, but he really did hope for so much more.

Gerard’s eyes suddenly flicked open, staring directly at Frank. Frank offered the boy a warm smile, but Gerard continued staring with a blank face. After a time, Frank’s face fell, when he realised that Gerard wasn’t saying, or doing, anything.

“Hey” Frank croaked, shifting. Gerard glanced up and down his body for a moment; Frank thought his eyes looked watery. “Good morning, Frank” he spoke.

Frank could feel a twist in his stomach, it was the horrific monotone that had returned, not the cheeky or charming voice that Gerard had grown into whilst warming to the other, but the dreary, disinterested one, that Frank had first been greeted with.

“You okay?” Frank mumbled, aiming to keep his smile to offer Gerard some sort of ease, though he soon realised that it didn’t appear to have any affect.

“Yes” Gerard spoke simply. The other got up, with Frank watching closely, he being already clothed. Gerard walked passed Frank's bed and sat in front of the mirror, silently combing his hair before the mirror, not even offering Frank a glance; his face was completely blank.

Frank was only able to stare out awkwardly as the boy got himself ready for the day. The disbelief had now set it. It was followed closely by complete devastation.

Frank thought to himself had he almost felted used, as if the other was perhaps similar with others who had shared his room and that Frank was part of some game.

Of course it was possible, Gerard was ill after all, and such an instance would be a perfect description of his disease, Frank pondered. He felt stupid though, like he had been taken for a ride.

Despite all the warnings from others, Frank had ignored them and now, in his mind, he had been manipulated perfectly by the other. He despaired that he had thought they had a connection.

Frank could feel his eyes well up and so he shuffled his face into his pillow, letting out a quiet sob as the heard the door close before him; Gerard having left the room.

Frank sat up abruptly, deciding he would give it is all to simply get over it, because the happier he seemed, the quicker he could leave – And never let Gerard manipulate him again.

Frank couldn’t knock the feeling though that he couldn’t have been entirely wrong about the other, as he’d seen in Gerard more than others appeared to have.

He knew, for an absolute fact, that there was more to the boy than his awful problems. But at that point Frank was too over stricken with annoyance that he couldn’t access the confirming information, his mind was simply flooded with angst.

He looked around the room for a moment, seeing that the clock indicated that it was only seven o’clock in the morning. He slumped back down and let out an exasperated sigh, shutting his eyes momentarily.

“Frank” a voice sounded from above him suddenly. Frank’s eyes shot open and he sat up with equal velocity. His mother stood at the foot of his bed, her clothing was tattered and her face looked worn; like she’d been running from something.

Frank stared out for a while, blinking a few times, amazed that the women had managed to find him. “Mum…” he said, his voice blank with an undertone of complete fury.

The woman smiled with an arrogant smirk, leaning too casually on the frame of the bed. After a short while, she relinquished her post, stepping closer to Frank, sitting down on the bed near Frank’s feat.

All Frank could do was watch. He was sure that if he confronted her now with everything that she had done, in his heightened emotional state, feeling vulnerable, that he would surely drive himself insane.

“Who let you in here?” he snapped, trying to bite his tongue from saying anything worse. “Dr Harris, of course” she spoke softly. Her voice was eerily sweet, it make Frank sick.

“How did my son get locked up in here then?” she went on, cooing. Frank resisted the urge to simply spit in her face. “I see things now. Because of you” he spoke. “Why did the Dr Harris let you in here? It’s early, and he knows how I feel about you” Frank looked up and down her body, her cruel and unforgiven form.

The woman before him just shook her head, her sickly smile remaining. “He had been keen for me to see you, Frank. He contacted me. He thinks it’ll…” she laughed, it came out more like a cackle.

“It’ll help to achieve ‘mental health’” she looked him directly in the face as she snickered. “But I bet you’re fucked up beyond help, Frankie… Are you still a little faggot?”

Frank gritted his teeth together, ignoring his previous verdict not to mention the past, he was simply too riled up. “How could you do it? You fucking killed him. You are a murderer…” he hissed, sitting up further to look into the others eyes, which were cold and blank.

“You went through the investigation to help yourself. His name is damaged and you walk around free, you should have died instead of him…” he let out a sigh, to stop himself from screaming.

The woman shuffled further towards Frank, leaning down to look into his eyes. “He is dead, isn’t he?” she giggled. “That’s four-hundred grand for us, Frankie…” Frank bit his lip.

“You fucking bitch!” he yelled, lurching forwards to hit her, though doing so reservedly as he was still naked under his sheets. She grabbed his wrists.

“I’ll call the doctor! Get the fuck off me” he mumbled, trying to push her away. “Yeah, yeah, call the doctor, get him in here. The psyched up mental patient versus the loving, warm mother” she cooed, grinning. Frank stopped struggling, knowing that she was right.

He paused for a moment, looking at the ground. “Where’s Logan?” Frank asked after a time, though his mother still held onto his wrists.

“He’s dead too, Frankie. He killed himself. That’s two-hundred grand each. Isn’t it great?” she spoke calmly, finally letting her bony grip of Frank flop. Frank tensed up, unable to breathe.

Without an inclination, Frank doubled over the side of the bed and threw up on the tiled floor, hollering out in the sudden pain.

“Fuck you!” he screamed as he collected himself again, sitting up and attempting to strike at his mother again, who was able once more to hold his arms in place.

“What the fuck did you do? What the fuck did you do!” he yelled, struggling against her. She let go of his hands and stood up, looking briefly down at the floor, before looking back at him.

“He didn’t make a sound, Frankie…” she mumbled with her smile. Frank got up, pulling the sheet with him, attempting the hit her one final time.

As he moved quickly to the end of the bed though, his mother shifted, causing him to fall full forced onto the ground at the foot of his bed, his head making a loud thud on the ground.

“Oh dear, poor Frankie” she said, leaning down and patting the head of her son, standing up once more and sitting herself on the chair in the corner of the room, merely taking in the scene. Frank stared at her through all his pain.

“You fucking ruined my life! Fuck you!” he yelled, though he wasn’t sure how loudly, as his head pounded something tragic.

“Frank!” a voice hollered from the other side of the room. It was Dr Harris, and another nurse, standing horrified in the doorway. “What’s going on?” he spoke as he quickly travelled to the side of the injured boy.

“Why did you let her in here! She should be in prison!” Frank screamed out, causing his mother to laugh from her position in the crook.

“What?” the doctor spoke. Frank could feel a pillow being slid under his head and the duvet over him being shifted as pyjama bottoms were put carefully on his body.

“Her!” Frank yelled, his head spinning still. “Why did you let her in here with me! You should have asked me... Fuck!” he mouthed, pointing towards the chair. His mother offered him a casual, smug wave.

The doctor looked over at the chair and then shot a worried expression back at the nurse. The doctor was clearly regretting his decision, Frank thought. Dr Harris looked down at Frank, his countenance tired.

“There’s no one there, Frank” he spoke quietly. Franks eyes widened, he looked over at the chair. The woman still sat there, as full and as beaming as she had been all the while.

“No, she’s… she’s right there!” Frank yelled, his eyes watering, pointing in the direction of the chair again. “You’re so stupid, Frank” his mother spoke harshly, disappearing from Frank’s view the moment he blinked.

“N-no…” Frank whispered to himself, his body resorting the shaking. “Linda, the haloperidol” the doctor above him spoke quietly to the nurse, almost inaudibly.

“No!” Frank screamed, trying to sit up, but being pinned down by the doctor that loomed above him. “Please!” Frank began to cry, shaking his head back and forth, tensing his arms. “It’s okay” the nurse whispered softly to the boy as she came forth with a syringe.

“No! Fuck off!” Frank went on, attempting to kick his legs, having not noticed that the doctor who restrained his arms was also sat across his knees. Before Frank could do anything, the plunger had gone and Frank found himself feeling alarmingly calmer, going floppy in the arms of the other.

The doctor clambered off him and preceded the walk him slowly out of the room, the nurse helping in supporting his somewhat paralysed body.

Frank didn’t register anything happening until he was dumped softly in the corner of the padded confinement room. “Now, Frank, we’re going to leave you in here for a couple of hours until the sedative has worn off, we’ll ask you what happened then, okay?” the nurse squatted down in front of him, talking kindly.

Frank held his head up loosely, trying to keep a focus on the woman but finding it difficult. He glanced over her head momentarily.

Gerard was stood a small distance back from the open door, a few other patients surrounded him but he was stood before them.

Frank longed for him to make some sort of wise crack or for him to pester the nurses as he so often did. But nothing ever came. The boy simply stared over him before walking away, the others who watched leaving closely behind.

Frank nodded dully when the nurse had finished speaking, indicating that he understood though honestly was too far gone to even hear her, and he suspected that she would have known that too.

The nurse got up and left, locking the door behind her. Frank looked around, evidently finding nothing to focus on. The only fixture in the room was a small glass window in the door.

He sighed and slumped fully across the wall behind him, landing with a soft thump. He hadn’t had such an episode for months, only fleeting ones with somewhat more sinister messages.

It had been so long since one had been so lucid he had almost forgotten about them, and it now made him realise just how desperately he would need to stay in the place if he was ever going to get better.


	10. Chapter 10

“What exactly did she say to you?” Dr Harris asked, fiddling with his pen.

Three hours after Frank’s episode he had been confidently let out of the padded cell, as he had completely returned back to his common state; which was so often the case of Frank’s, this being the reason for his ease in concealing the true nature of his illness for so long.

He was now sat with Dr Harris in the back of the day room, as the other patients were out on a trip and his office was being used for another meeting.

Frank was still pretty wound up and the doctor knew this, so his voice was soft. He knew that the main reason for Frank’s manner would simply be because he’d never been forcibly drugged before, so he was treading carefully.

Frank was aware of this and did appreciate it to an extent, though he did just want to doctor to get on with it so he could return to his day.

“She uh… she said that you’d called her. She said that I was messed up, that I wouldn’t get better, and that her killing my father had got her a lot of money. Out of the house I assume…” he mumbled.

“She also… she said Logan was… dead” he breathed out, trying to stop himself from crying, the notion alone enough to upset him to a massive extent.

“He’s… he’s not, is he?” Frank asked hurriedly. The doctor shook his head. “Oh no, Frank. He’s alive. We keep an eye on the news relating to your mother and no, he’s fine” he smiled, Frank nodded in response.

After a while, Frank spoke up. “Mark told me all about her… What’s been happening, the fact she’s been found not guilty” he said. The doctor froze for a moment, before writing down what Frank had said.

“I wish you’d said something to me, or another doctor, Frank. That’s quite significant” Dr Harris spoke calmly, shooting Frank a cautionary glance. “I uh… I’m sorry. I didn’t really get the opportunity” Frank replied. The doctor nodded sympathetically.

“Is there anything that caused you to throw up? Has your medication been making you feel sick?” he pressed, tearing out a sheet from another note book, which Frank assumed was his meds chart.

“No, they uh… they’ve been fine. When she said Logan was dead, that’s when I threw up” Frank mouthed, shrugging. “I see” the doctor scribbled down something on the scrap before returning it to a large folder in front of him.

“Okay, Frank. Tell me, how are you feeling? Was there any sort of trigger to your episode?” he pressed. Frank looked dully on the ground. There was no way he was going to mention anything about Gerard, he thought.

“I’m feeling okay right now… I’m not scared anymore. I’m still a little shaken up though…” he replied. The doctor smiled and nodded, writing down again what Frank had said.

“Listen, Frank. I’ve spoken to Dr Williams and we think it would be best if we upped your dosage of medication” he spoke. Frank swallowed.

He knew that he was going to end up on some concoction, after all that was the reason he was there, but fear had overcome him in the darkness of the doctors words.

It was one of Frank’s main fears that he’d be out of control of his own body, that’s how come he hated his illness so much; he hated the idea more of it being self-inflicted, in the form of mind altering drugs.

“Okay…” Frank said absently. The doctor sighed, reading through another sheet. “We decided on a further dose of tricyclic antidepressants, as well as some lithium, to control the panic attacks.

We’ll also have you on a controlled dosage of sleeping tablets and anti-psychotics, that’ll help with your hallucinations. You’ll take a small amount of colace too, to combat some of the symptoms of the sleeping pills” he listed.

Frank couldn’t help but frown. It was a ridiculous amount of drugs, he thought, but deep down he knew it was necessary.

“Will I… will I always have to take them?” Frank asked monotonously. “Oh no, not at all, Frank. We’re just going to see the degrees of your need, once we’ve sorted it, you’ll get in essence the same thing but in a single tablet” he replied, setting down the clipboard.

“Okay Frank, follow me, we’ll just go to the office and get your dosage. You’ll be given them at certain intervals in the day, every day” he sounded, standing up and walking to the other end of the room where the nurses’ station was located, Frank following him dully.

The doctor indicated to Frank to wait at a sliding window that faced the dayroom, whilst he walked into the room through a locked door around the back. Frank watched him as he emerged in the room and opened a drawer, which was divided into sections containing many colours of pills.

“Right, Frank. Here’s your dibenzepin, an anti-depressant. Come back at four and then seven for the rest. This will be the same procedure everyday” the man spoke as he passed Frank a small cup containing a pill, as well as a similar cup of water.

Frank stared at it for a moment, letting out a low sigh. How could it have come to this, Frank thought. He tipped the pill into the back of his throat and downed the water, choking slightly in his inexperience of taking pills.

“Open” Dr Harris spoke. “What?” Frank asked, recoiling somewhat, not understanding the request. “Open your mouth, I want to make sure you took it” he repeated.

Frank sluggishly and reluctantly opened his mouth, with the other standing over the glass partition and peering at him. “Okay, good” the man sounded, leaning back and swiftly exiting the office, locking the door.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then, Frank. The group gets back at about one, I’m sorry that you missed out on the trip; it was only to the cinema” the finished, offering Frank a pat on the shoulder before hastily leaving the area.

Frank stood there for a moment, perplexed. He humoured briefly the fact that the doctor hadn’t even checked underneath his tongue; he now knew why over half of those there didn’t take any of their medication, considering how easy it was to do so.

It dawned on Frank very suddenly that he was one of the medicated ones now. What if they slipped him something they hadn’t told him about? What if they merely planned to make him a comatose idiot?

Frank breathed out, closing his eyes momentarily. He opened them and jumped, his mother stood before him once more, smiling again.

It was one of Frank’s less realistic hallucinations; he was lucid enough to know that she wasn’t really there. “You’re a stupid piece of shit, Frankie.

You think they don’t see that you’re a failure? A bore? A dirty little faggot? No father, no mother. Your brother won’t even come and see you, Frankie. They’re trying to break you in here.

They’ll drug up you, fuck you over, and keep you locked in a corner for the rest of your life. That’s how meaningless your life is Frankie. No one even misses you…” she cackled, the volume of the voice alternating. It was eerie.

“I know you’re not there, you’re not real” Frank spat, walking towards the form. She smiled. “But for how long? I know I’m not real too, but that’s the question Frank… how long will you know? You’re an imprudent boy Frankie.

Thinking your mother would ever want to see your pathetic little face… throwing up on the floor, that was a nice touch” Frank closed his eyes for a moment, trying to urge the vision to leave him.

The opened them again. The woman was stood square in his view, her face was grey and her eyes sunk, she stood with a grin that revealed a black mouth.

“Fuck!” Frank yelled as he lurched back, landing quietly on the sofa behind him. Thankfully the doctor had long gone and the nurses were all out with the patients, Frank thought.

As he glanced up again, she was gone. He sighed rubbing his eyes, noticing that his forehead was damp with sweat. He was so damn messed up, he thought. Frank leant back, clicking his shoulders and back as he nuzzled himself into the cushions.

At that moment, the doors that lead outside opened and the other patients trudged in; it appeared to be snowing. “Frank-k!” a voice called from within the crowd, Frank automatically knowing that it was Sam.

Frank sat up as others fed into the room, Sam shoving passed them to get to Frank. “Hey! Wh-where were you? Didn’t you wanna c-come to the cinema?” he spoke warmly as he sat down beside Frank.

“I uh, I got put in confinement. Bad day” he spoke quietly. Sam raised his eye brows, surprised. “Oh wow, s-sorry, I didn’t realise-e” he said. Frank shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal. They just had to up my medication” he replied, assuring the other.

“What did you go and see?” Frank pressed, looking around briefly, noting the various others sat in groups, some playing card games and others drawing; for the most part people appeared to be sat around the table.

A figure caught his eye though; it was Gerard, sat in the corner of the room. He was sat with his legs up on a chair, staring directly at Frank. Frank found himself staring back, glowering.

Gerard’s gaze was by far not as empty as it had been previously, his eyes looked tired and his expression was hauntingly despaired.

“We w-went to…” Sam began, but pausing when he noticed Frank’s discouraged stare. “W-what are you looking a-at?” he pressed, looking over in the direction of Frank’s eye line. Frank snapped out of his trance and looked back at Sam.

“Uh, sorry… What were you saying?” he spoke quickly, trying to get it so that Sam wouldn’t have time to gage that he was looking at Gerard; there was no such luck.

“Why were you-u looking at Gerard?” he questioned flatly. “I uh… I wasn’t” Frank replied pathetically, Sam smirked. “I k-know you were-e” he laughed, Frank chuckled back. “W-what’s the deal, t-then?” the boy went on. Frank shook his head.

“Honestly, I don’t know. We were getting on really well and suddenly he seems to have turned on me. I haven’t had the chance to ask him what I did wrong yet…” Frank replied sombrely, more so thinking out loud than anything else, as he hadn’t previously been able to think in great depth about the previous night’s events.

Sam breathed out and scowled. “You h-haven’t done anything Frank… you’re-e alright, and he’s a complete n-nut job, I don’t think you’ll be the one in the w-wrong” he mouthed unsympathetically.

“Don’t talk about him like that…” Frank said under his breath. “Wh-at?” Sam retorted. Frank looked up at the boy, apologising with his glance.

“He’s not all bad, Sam. Seriously, he’s not a bad person” he spoke up. Sam shook his head. “Y-you know what he did to his b-brother?” he spat. Frank shuddered at the harshness of the other, not being accustomed to it in the slightest.

“Yes, I have heard. But that’s only because he’s ill, underneath that, I think… I think he’s a good guy…” Frank smiled to himself as he spoke; remembering the happiness the other had brought him since his arrival. After all, he had liked the other enough to sleep with him, Frank thought.

“He’s a monster-r” Sam scoffed, rolling his eyes. Frank knew that if he sat there any longer he would end up arguing with the other boy, which ultimately would have been pointless. Sam appeared to sense this too.

Suddenly, a nurse approached them. “Meds” she spoke sternly. “Sam, these are for you” she went on, offering the boy a same set up as Frank had been given earlier. “Open” she said, the boy succumbing to the appropriate action.

“Here” she turned to Frank’s view. “Frank” she spoke, giving the boy his tablets. Frank took them and opened his mouth accordingly, the nurse then sauntering off to bother another patient.

“I’m going to my room” Frank said after a moment, standing up. “O-okay” Sam replied simply, standing up likewise and walking over hurriedly to another group at the other end of the room. Someone was in a bad mood, Frank humoured in the back of his mind.

He walked silently to his room, opening the door with its typical loud creak. To Frank’s surprise, Gerard was sat on his bed, record player humming beside him. He was drawing. Frank remembered that the chair he had been sat in previously was where he had said he kept his art equipment.

The player whirred the immediately recognisable ‘End of the World’ by Skeeter Davis, which was exactly Frank’s tastes but it surprised him that it was Gerard’s.

Frank scuffled towards his bed and sat on it; Gerard was facing the other way, towards the player and so away from Frank. After a time, Frank spoke up.

“I didn’t think you’d like this sort of stuff, Gerard” he said desperately, feeling somewhat humble at that moment about what had happened; he honestly didn’t know why he was so forgiving of the other. Maybe he was a sucker for love.

Gerard paused his drawing and looked over at Frank. What Frank had read to be a sincere expression hitherto was now gone again, Gerard’s eyes were cloudy.

“You made the room smell of puke” he spoke dimly. Frank shuffled back uncomfortably, looking at the ground. “Sorry” he mumbled, embarrassed. Gerard didn’t respond, he simply turned back to his drawings.

The music was giving Gerard’s motions a distinctly gloomier feel and Frank wondered if really he was as okay as he portrayed, considering his choice of such a sad song. Frank let out an exhale, leaning back on his bed and closing his eyes, enjoying the odd sense of calm while it lasted.


	11. Chapter 11

An entire week had gone by since Frank and Gerard’s incident, as well as Frank’s episode, and the two had barely spoken; only a few courtesy manners from Gerard’s part when asking Frank to pass him things and the like.

Every day it hurt Frank more and more. Oddly, it wasn’t because he felt unwanted or rejected by the other, he was more worried about the mental state of Gerard; it was typical of Frank’s bizarrely selfless nature.

Gerard had simply been wearing down over the last few days. Where he’d previously gotten up early and kept himself occupied all day, he was getting up progressively later and spending the majority of the day lying on his bed, simply listening to music.

Even the doctors seemed mildly concerned, even if it was for more selfish reasons, pertaining to the appearance of the patient care.

Over and over again, Frank recalled the events of the night and that morning, trying to see where something had gone wrong.

That night, Gerard had gone to sleep with a shy grin plastered on his face, blatantly aimed at Frank. Frank had done the same and Gerard had made no fuss at the time.

Morning had come and Frank didn’t even appear to have time to upset the other, he thought, so he was at a complete loss over what had happened.

Frank was walking by himself to the office of Dr Williams for an emergency meeting. He didn’t know what sort of emergency it was and really he gathered that the word emergency had been used because of a lack of a better one.

He approached the room and gently tapped on the door, being somewhat edgy as he’d never been to a one on one session where he hadn’t been escorted, so he wasn’t particularly familiar with the procedure.

“Come in” sounded a voice from inside the room. Frank cautiously opened the door. Both Dr Williams and Dr Harris were sat behind the desk this time, as opposed to merely one of them, which Frank was accustomed to.

“Frank” Dr Harris spoke, standing up. “Here, take a seat” he mouthed sincerely, gesturing the action with his hand before sitting down.

“Uh, yes doctor” Frank mumbled, sitting down and leaning back watchfully. He was still apprehensive about what they were going to enquire about, though he knew it would most likely be something relating to his various treatments.

“So, Frank. We thought we have a word with you about your medication” Dr Williams spoke up, thumbing through a file. Frank rolled his eyes, so predictable, he thought.

“Okay” Frank replied absently, biting his lip. “Firstly, have you been taking all of your medications? If you haven’t, it won’t leave this office; you will not be in any trouble. We just need to know” he went on.

Frank simpered lightly, matching the smiles on the doctors’ faces. “I have been taking all of them” he responded confidently.

“Very good, Frank” the doctor elaborated, ticking a box on the sheet in front of him. “You know if we thought you were lying, we would simply give you a polygraph test?” Dr Harris interjected. Frank shrugged.

“I know that, I’m not lying” he chafed. Dr Williams smiled. “We know you’re not” he spoke, setting down the sheet before them.

There was a brief pause in the dialogue, with both doctors mumbling between themselves about various information they now presented themselves with; every now and again one of them would point to a line.

“Okay, Frank. Have you had any side effects of what you have been taking? Have you felt dizzy? Sick? Dehydrated?” Dr Williams went on, the pair resuming their glance over Frank. Frank looked down for a moment.

“I uh… I don’t like the uh… the colace… it makes me feel ill. I don’t think I need it…” he mumbled. Dr Harris looked over at the other for a moment, nodding.

“We had thought that, Frank. Don’t worry, we’ll take you off that, it’s not necessary” he replied, writing another thing down. “Have you had an episode since you’ve been on the medication? Heard anything or seen anything? Had a dream with your mother or brother in it?” he went on.

Frank thought for a moment. He had told them of the seeing of his mother the afternoon of his confinement shortly after he was given his first dosage, but he and the doctors knew that this simply was because the pills wouldn’t have been doing anything at that point. He decided not to mention it again.

“No, no visions or anything like that… I had a dream where Logan was there, but it was about a time we’d had together at a park when we were kids… nothing bad…” Frank spoke. They both nodded, Dr Williams writing down the words.

“Tell us what exactly happened in the dream, please” Dr Harris interjected. “I uh… We were both on the swings; most of the dream was me just looking up at the sky, from my point of view.

I only glanced over at him a couple of times, he didn’t look at me. No one else was there, not even my mum” he spoke dully, having had to recall a lot of his dreams to various staff members for various reasons.

Neither replied but continued to scribble down notes. After they had finished, they both sat there in an awkward silence for a time, consulting various scraps of paper. Frank shuffled his feet on the ground; the others’ expressions appeared concerned.

“Frank, could you just leave us for a moment, we’ll call you back in” Dr Harris said calmly. Frank simply followed the command, standing up silently and walking out of the door.

He assumed that this was going to be the reveal of the urgent part of the meeting, considering how jumpy the doctor’s now appeared to be.

He wondered if they actually believed he was taking his medication or if they were thinking of putting him in confinement. Or perhaps it was the opposite; maybe he was cured and would be going home; though he certainly didn’t feel cured.

He merely stared up and down the wall before him, taking a cursory glance to the day room just down the corridor.

Hardly anyone was in there, it was the time of the day reserved for sporting activities and crafts sessions, as well as this, the music room was formally unlocked.

Only a few of the less capable patients remained in the day room, staring vacantly at the television. The door opened behind Frank, he spun around, Dr Harris stood in front of him.

“Okay Frank, come in” he spoke softly. Frank shuffled in, noticing straight away the absence of Dr Williams. On the desk previously had been Frank’s case file, but now it was more or less empty, with only a small plastic sleeve containing clippings.

“Please, take a seat. I’m sorry for the delay” he spoke. Frank sat down again, noting that the other didn’t seem to be doing the same, only perching on the corning of his desk.

“Listen Frank, we had planned to do a follow up on your medications today but that’s not the main reason we called you in here so suddenly” he talked at the other after a while.

Frank sighed and glanced around for a moment, waiting for the man to speak, though realising that the doctor before him clearly wanted a response.

“Uh, okay…” he piped up hurriedly, pressing the doctor to move on. Dr Harris swallowed thickly, looking out of the window momentarily.

“We wanted to tell you this before the ward got hold of the papers, you see. We had a call from the police this morning…” he paused. Frank shuffled up in anticipation, letting out a shaken breath.

“Your mother, Frank. She committed suicide two days ago… I’m sorry” he finally sounded. Frank gasped and fell back into his seat.

His whole form felt numb. He found it surprising that he really didn’t feel a thing, not even a slight relief or indeed sorrow for the far past which he had honestly missed, such as that day in the park.

He knew that the doctor above him was speaking and most likely offering him some sort of comfort, but it all came out as a dull blur, Frank couldn’t hear a word of it.

He couldn’t even feel his fingers, nor his feet, and honestly, even his vision was blurred. It felt as though a thousand years of worry had been kicked from his shoulders.

He felt for the first time in as long as he could remember a feeling of total freedom, despite the fact he was still very aware that he was locked up in a hospital.

It was over, was all he could think, it was all finally over. He felt more lucid than he had done for the entirety of his life.

“Frank?” the other’s voice suddenly boomed through Frank’s wall of calm. “Y-yes, sir” Frank chocked out, having not realised that tears rolled down his face.

He didn’t know what they were supposed to represent, he supposed respite. “How do you feel, Frank?” Dr Harris pressed, kneeling down beside Frank and placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

Frank almost laughed in the man’s face, daring to psychologically screen him whilst he was in such a state. “Fine” Frank breathed, smiling at the man, humouring him. Dr Harris stood up again, sighing.

“Frank, we’ll have you back in here tomorrow, we need to discuss how exactly this is going to affect your treatment” his speech was monotonic and regimented, he had clearly been annoyed by Frank’s manner, the boy thought.

It was hardly fitting, people have different emotional reactions to different things after all, and Frank figured that the doctor really ought to take that into consideration.

The man before him appeared to suddenly empathise with him again in an alarming instant, returning to the boy’s eye level.

“You will need to talk about this… this is a big deal. If you see or hear anything in the meantime, you must come and see me immediately. If you feel as though you need to self-harm, you are to report yourself to a nurse” he said softly.

Frank nodded. “Okay, thank you…” he mumbled. The doctor stood up and led the boy from the room. “Do you want to do anything today, Frank? I can arrange for you to be somewhere if you don’t want to be around the group, you know?” the older said as he walked Frank into the corridor.

“No, I’m… fine. Wait…” Frank paused and Dr Harris was soon to stop beside him. “Where’s Logan? What happened to Logan?” he piped up, panicked. How could he have been so selfish as to not even consider his brother, Frank scolded himself.

“He was staying with your grandparents, if you remember? He still is” the man assured, continuing their walk.

They arrived at the day room, a barrage of faces as per usual, though somewhat more concerned; Frank assumed that they’d got hold of the papers before he had.

“See you later Frank, I’m in my office until midnight if you need to talk. If you can’t find me, ask a nurse” he said, walking away. Frank watched him drearily for a moment, finding it very strange that he was not being pestered more than he had been, considering the seriousness of the situation.

He guessed that it was because the staff would know he’d have been uninterested by any help; a merit to the hospital, Frank thought.

“Frank” a holler came before him. He glanced to his side to see a nurse wandering speedily towards him. “Uh… hey” Frank mouthed. She offered him a smile.

“We haven’t met, my name is Tina, and I’ve just been transferred to this ward. I heard about your mother and I am so sorry” her voice was Geordie, thickly so; though it communicated more care than anybody Frank had met at the hospital so far.

He smirked to himself in thinking that not a single other staff member had introduced themselves by first name, and as well as this, few staff members had introduced themselves full stop – Frank was sure he knew not one surname of any of the nursing staff.

“Oh, um, yeah…” Frank could only say, glancing down. “Well, I hope you feel you can come and speak to me, sweetheart” she talked, smiling.

She then brought up a tray; medication time, Frank knew. “Here you go, Frank. You were in your session longer than we thought, you’re nearly two hours late for these” she finished.

Frank looked up at the clock whilst he self-administered his pills, it was gone nine o’clock; he was surprised. “Open” the lady quipped, with Frank submitting. “Good” was her last mouthing before she walked back to the nurses’ station.

Frank peered towards it, noticing that more or less every nurse was sat in there, smoking. Considering that it was against the rules to bother them whilst they were in there, as they were not technically on duty, Frank found it obscene.

He decided, as he so often did, to retreat to his room. Trailing there sluggishly, he opened the door to find no one in there, so he closed it with a loud thud behind him.

Without hesitation, Frank walked into the small bathroom, flicking on the switch. He turned and looked over himself in the mirror, staring intently at his drained expression. He reached down and turned the tap on, splashing his face with the cool water.

He looked back into the mirror. Frank suddenly found himself grinning widely, almost laughing. “She’s dead…” he whispered to himself, his smile growing.

“She’s dead” he repeated. “She’s fucking dead!” he started to laugh, hitting the mirror with the palm of his hand. “Fucking dead…” he sighed, turning around and leaning against the sink for a moment.

It felt like a new era, it was damn wonderful. He let out another long breath, closing his eyes. Frank heard a shuffling from his room abruptly, so he peered out the door with hast.

There didn’t appear to be anyone there. He shrugged, turning the light off and leaving the bathroom. As he turned back from closing the door, he saw the form of Gerard, who had previously been hidden by the frame of the entrance.

The boy was sat on the floor, at the foot of his bed, his knees by his chest and his arms loosely holding them there. “Gerard?” Frank murmured, stepping towards the boy with attentiveness.

Gerard looked up. Frank recoiled in seeing that his eyes were puffy and watery, his lip was trembling. He glanced down to see thick, red lines engraved into the other’s arms. “Frankie…” Gerard whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

“Gerard! What did you do?” Frank gasped, descending next to the boy, peeling away his arms so as to look at them; though realistically not knowing what he was going to do to help.

He seemed to instantly forget all the wrong doing. “Frank…” Gerard simply whispered again, looking at the ground. “Gerard, listen, I’ll get a nurse, okay? It’s going to be okay” Frank offered, standing up, towards the door.

Gerard grabbed on to the bottom of his trouser leg loosely, tugging desperately. “No… They’ll take me to the cells, p-pump me full of drugs…” he protested, his voice cracking.

Frank looked over at the door and then back down at his friend, deciding to go along with Gerard’s wishes. “Okay… it’s okay. No one’s coming” he assured, kneeling down beside the other again.

“Gerard… What, what happened? Please… what’s wrong?” he begged, gently rubbing to boy’s shoulder. Gerard froze up for a moment, his crying didn’t stop, but his glance fixed on the floor in front of them. Frank swallowed.

“I’m going to get the spare sheet out of the cupboard, alright? Wrap up your arms…” he muttered, shambling. Gerard merely grabbed his arm again.

Frank peered over the boy, who was now looking directly at him. His eyes spoke: help me. His whole disposition was saddening; Frank had never seen anything like it.

“Frank…” Gerard spoke in a hoarse whisper. “I…I’m sorry” he tried to talk, but simply began to weep again, collapsing on Frank’s form and clinging to his clothing.

“I was a fucking pig, I’m so, so sorry” he sobbed, burying his face into Frank’s shirt. Frank shakily brought up his hand and laced it gently in Gerard’s hair, not knowing really if it was a good move or not.

“It’s okay… Gerard, it’s okay” he tried to comfort. Gerard shuffled up, leaning back on the bed and wiping his eyes. “No, it’s not. It’s not at all” he spoke, composing himself to a talkable degree.

“I can’t… I can’t treat you like that, Frank. It’s not right… not at all. You’re a good person…” he choked. “A really fucking good person and I…” he looked at Frank directly in the eyes, appearing to savour the moment.

“This is me, Frank. The others just the cold version, the one I show everyone, it makes me alone. It’s sick. Then there’s this. The real me, Frank. The joking, sarcastic one… But… the one who hates himself.

The one who no one gets to see but you…” he sobbed again, putting his head in his hands momentarily. “I’m not some sociopathic, psychopathic fuck; I’m just this – a mess. One who hides his feelings” he rambled quietly.

“I need to protect myself, Frank. From everyone, even you. Or at least… I thought that. I thought you would hurt me too. But I know you won’t… I know now” he finished, sighing.

Frank gulped; his head was spinning and his heart pounding from what he was given to process. He felt on the verge of tears himself, realising finally how heart breaking Gerard’s case really was – Above all, because he could still feel.

He didn’t know what to say, he merely responded to anything. “What do you mean… you know now?” he spoke, noting Gerard’s amused expression at his random selection of reply, which gave Frank some form of comfort.

“I know now because…” he paused, looking at the ground. “Because I messed you around. I’ve been confusing to you and I know I’ve made you feel bad. Yet… you’ve not done or said a thing against me.

You’ve only cared about me. It’s… wonderful” he sounded, the usual, partial monotone paired with wit returning in his voice, away from his sobs. Frank smiled. They sat silently for a moment, Gerard still looking at the ground.

“Gerard… why did you, cut yourself like that though? You’re smart; you know that you’re going to get in trouble for doing that…” Frank piped up, hushing his voice as if he was ashamed to ask.

Gerard glanced over at him and almost smiled. “You do stupid things when you care about others, don’t you think?” he spoke softly. Frank laughed lightly, moving across the floor so that his back was on the wall before Gerard, so he could face him.

“But you’re right, I’m sorry if it shocked you. I don’t make a habit out of it, it was just an impulse” the boy continued. He reached up into his knotted black hair and pulled out a small razor from behind his ear, rolling it about his fingers, with Frank looking on dumbfounded.

“I unclipped it from the razor they gave me this morning whilst I was in the shower. I gave them back the handle and nothing else, the dummy’s never checked” he giggled. Frank would have laughed likewise, if only because of Gerard’s ideally elevated mood, but he couldn’t ignore the ugly lines on the other’s arms. Gerard noted this.

“Frank, I promise that they are not deep. Most of them didn’t even bleed – Purely cosmetic” he spoke honestly and with little regard of shock, the warming way that Frank was accustomed to.

He nodded and tried to grin along with the boy, though he was still finding it difficult. Gerard sighed and pled the boy his best ‘I’m sorry’ expression, before taking the razor and pushing it slowly between the grout of the tiles, effectively erasing it from history.

“What if they find out it was you who took it?” Frank enquired. Gerard shrugged. “They won’t. These go missing all the time, we just tell them that they must have fallen down the plug hole” he spoke casually.

Frank thought back and remembered that a lot of those there appeared to indulge in self harm of some manner, and so was hardly surprised that a blade going missing was hardly an irregular occurrence.

He still found the subject chilling though, as it was something he’d never quite understood and honestly, it simply depressed him. Again, Gerard appeared to be able to note that, his smile fading in empathy of Frank.

“Reach into that dresser and get me a long sleeved shirt, Frankie, won’t you?” he requested, his expression softening. “Oh, uh, yeah” Frank hurried, detracting from his thought process, leaving his words to be desired.

Gerard laughed as the other stood up. “Coherent Frank is back” he joked. Frank rolled his eyes. “Yep” was his unassuming muster, presented with a smile as he sat back down with the asked for clothing.

Gerard took the article from the other and without a second though, removed his shirt to replace it, with Frank blushing somewhat at the gesture. He found himself looking.

“Jesus, Gerard… you’ve got really skinny” he commented. Gerard looked down at his torso as he rolled the shirt down it and shrugged.

“Oh, this is nothing, Frank. I’ve done far worse” he joked. Frank just laughed at the boy’s manner, it was mesmerising. He figured it was from Gerard’s many days of lying in his bed and doing nothing. Thinking, Frank decided to press on this.

“Gerard… can I ask… why do you… why do you hide this part of yourself from other people? You’re really a great guy, I mean it” he mumbled. Gerard stared at him for an instant, letting out a long sigh.

“I do it to protect myself, Frank. People take advantage of you when you’re kind, you see” he said coldly. Frank swallowed, scolding himself for forcing Gerard to revert back to his distant state.

“Sorry… I’m sorry, Gerard. I didn’t mean to upset you” he rushed, scooting forwards. Gerard snapped out of his daze and smirked, his eyes reassuming friendliness. “Why do you care so much?” he asked. Frank leant back, his expression confused. His wonderful nature had changed the topic to one of his liking, Frank thought.

“Frank, you ask me a question and I reply with a cryptic nothing. Yet you still care more about how I’m feeling and less about how annoying I am” he chuckled. Frank looked down briefly, moving forwards slightly more.

“I don’t find you annoying” he spoke softly. Gerard leant forward to match Frank’s stance. “You’re too polite” Gerard spoke in a whisper, moving his lips closer to Frank’s. “I don’t find you annoying either” he finished.

Frank looked discreetly over Gerard’s facial expression. For lack of a better term, it shone – Like the first time Frank had made Gerard laugh.

Frank breathed out, after a time carefully pressing his lips on Gerard’s, who mumbled “Good boy”, before kissing back delicately.

The pair’s lips fitted together perfectly and softly, Frank trundling further forwards and carefully putting his right hand on the top of Gerard’s leg, his other remaining prudently in his lap.

Gerard’s hands had laced themselves in Frank’s hair, stroking the back of the boy’s neck in the process. Slowly, Gerard’s hands travelled down Frank’s back and pulled him forwards, so he was sat on Gerard’s lap.

Frank paused the kiss and looked down with a grin at the boy below him, admiring his boldness. He pressed their mouths together again, placing his arms around Gerard’s neck.

After a time, Frank felt Gerard’s hand slip below the waist of his trousers, causing him to abruptly sit up. Gerard laughed. “What’s wrong, Frank? You don’t like it today?” he giggled.

Frank grinned back, simply continuing to kiss him as a response. Frank began to despair himself, thinking of the coldness Gerard had presented to him before, still not really knowing the reasoning behind it.

He knew he was forgiving the other too readily, but he was just so entranced, so happy, when the two were a pair, that he wasn’t going to question it for his own pride.

Frank felt like making a point. As they kissed, Frank leant down further, pushing his tongue against Gerard’s lips lightly before retracting and biting down on Gerard’s lower lip. Gerard moaned gruffly in reply, them both laughing somewhat afterwards.

Gerard slipped his tongue softly into Frank’s mouth, groaning slightly, tracing his hands once more over Frank’s bare backside. “Gee…” Frank murmured as Gerard’s lips traced down his jaw.

He wished they were fucking, they were in the right position for it after all, but he knew not to push the other, it wasn’t in his nature.

Soon, the pair grew weary, separating their sore lips, rasping. Gerard grinned full heartedly at the man before him. “You’re so beautiful Frank. Honestly, stunning” he murmured, pushing Frank’s hair from his face. Frank blushed.

“Uh… thanks” he sounded, looking away. “You are too… you’re… pretty” he tried to sound, though it came out an awkward mess. Gerard giggled. “You’re not used to this, are you, Frank? You’re uncomfortable, you need not be. You’re doing fine” he said softly, kissing Frank’s forehead warmly. Frank sighed.

“I’ve not been with anyone; surely you know that…” he mumbled. “I had thought as such” Gerard confirmed. A clock buzzed behind them, Gerard’s head spun around.

“I make that two minutes to ten, they’ll be in a moment to see if we’re getting ready for bed, the perverts!” he joked, nudging Frank off him softly. Frank stood up and nodded, heading to his bed and beginning to undress.

“Wait, you keep an alarm for that?” he asked abruptly, amused. “Well, ten o’clock means it’s time to stop being happy. No drawing, no smoking, no music, no talking – A complete blast” Gerard retorted, only swapping his bottoms before climbing into bed.

The other seemed to have no shame in his nakedness, Frank thought, as he had just seen the entirety of Gerard’s lower half. He had missed the other’s brashness sorely, he smiled to himself.

Suddenly, the door burst open, a doctor unknown to Frank barged in. “Gerard” he snapped, switching on the white light that hung from the ceiling, making both Gerard and Frank squint.

“Ah, Dr Alexander, evening” Gerard quipped, sitting up from his bed. Frank stayed still, already fully wrapped in his duvet. “Get up, now” the doctor barked. Gerard frowned and got up out of his bed. He looked cocky but had a somewhat fearful glance behind his eyes, Frank thought.

“Show me your arms immediately Gerard, I swear to God” he went on, stepping closer to Gerard. Gerard looked over at Frank with a pleading glance, telling him sorry for the hassle. Frank confirmed with a soothing smile.

Gerard’s eye returned to the doctor, he grudgingly rolled up his sleeves. Gerard was right about some of the marks being superficial, as the most of the redness had actually faded by that point, only he pigment cuts remained – no longer sore.

Gerard looked away from the other as the doctor’s face became livider. “Where the hell is the razor Gerard!” he bellowed, grabbing the boy’s arm and dragging him away from his bed, with no regard for the marks.

“It fell down the plug” Gerard jested, smiling in his characteristic way. Without any other warning, Dr Alexander’s hand came down hard on the side of Gerard’s face with a loud slap, making Frank jump.

“Don’t bull shit me, Gerard! Where – is – the – razor?” he snarled. Gerard let a shaky sigh, obviously trying to restrain the tears of shock. “I pushed it into the floor” he mumbled sarcastically, clearly annoyed that he was simply going to have to give in.

The doctor followed the boy’s eye line to the crack where Gerard had indeed put the blade. He let go of the other and bent down to pull it from the ground. As he did so, Gerard looked over him.

“Nice ass” he jeered, his grin returning. Frank had to put his hands over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud; the main reason for Gerard’s grin being the realising of this. The doctor spun around, putting the blade in his pocket.

“You think that’s funny?” he spoke aggressively, grabbing Gerard’s arm again. “Actually, yes” Gerard retorted. The doctor gritted his teeth and proceeded to drag the other from the room.

“Confinement, Way” he spat. As he was pulled, Gerard turned to see Frank looking back at him. He grinned and blew the other a kiss, before offering him a wave goodbye for the evening, indicating that he was okay.

Frank giggled and blew him a kiss back, with Gerard being gone too soon to receive a wave. Frank merely stared at the door for a short time, before the riled doctor walked briskly back into the room, saying nothing, turning the light back off and slamming the door.

Frank closed his eyes and smirked, rolling onto his back. He felt euphoric. Gerard’s back and she’s dead, he thought, over and over, until it became an almost poem like stance in his head. It sang.


	13. Chapter 13

“Frank, I’m so sorry I never asked about your mother yesterday, I heard people talking about it this morning” Gerard spoke.

He and Frank were sat outside in their usual ‘didn’t fancy doing sports’ location, under the now snow covered lattice in the garden.

Gerard had only been in confinement for a couple of hours the previous night, having been let back into his bedroom while Frank was still awake, and reading.

Gerard stated that the nurse who found him felt that Dr Alexander was using the room as a punishment more than a reflection period, which Frank though was blatantly obvious.

Regardless, Gerard had gone on to say that the nurse had indicated that the man would be in a lot of trouble for his actions, as it was surely counterproductive to punish people who were ill enough to self-harm.

Frank had laughed at the casual way Gerard had recounted the events, using words like “numpty”.

Frank flicked his cigarette ash on the ground and looked over at the other. “It’s fine… I was more worried about you” he spoke honestly, beaming. Gerard shook his head.

“I told you that you are too kind for you own good Frank. I would have told me to get a grip, if I were you” he replied. Frank rolled his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding, Gerard… You scared me last night, you know” he spoke cautiously, in a somewhat sad manner.

Gerard presented a sympathetic half smile, putting his hand on Frank’s knee and rubbing his thumb over the material.

“One day, I want you to tell me who hurt you, Gerard. Please, I want to know” Frank interjected. Gerard paused his actions for a moment and let out a sigh. He bit his lip. “One day” was all he could say.

“You must promise Gee” Frank pushed. Gerard breathed out. “I promise, Frankie. Just – Not right now” he sounded. Frank nodded. “I wouldn’t ask that of you…” he spoke softly, taking his hand and threading it through Gerard’s hair, stroking the side of his face lightly.

Gerard let out a content exhale, leaning his face into Frank’s shoulder. Frank kissed to top of Gerard’s head, grinning to himself as he did so.

Frank wanted to stay like that forever; he felt like their bodies were designed to fit against one another, it was almost too comfortable. But, as was necessary, the two parted after only a few seconds, not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Gerard took Frank’s fag from him, taking himself a drag before handing it back. “I can’t believe they took your cigs” Frank chuckled, as Gerard had previously told him that that too was part of his newly subscribed self-harm watch.

“It’s not the fags, it’s the lighter. But I was smart with them about the fact that you do indeed need both for the operation to function. They called me a cheeky git and that was the end of the cigarettes, but I’m right, aren’t I, Frankie?” he spoke.

Frank chuckled. “Yes, Gerard” he said. “Just you wait, Frank. We’ll get back tonight, and my bed will have padded sleeves on the bars, they think if I don’t have fire or knives, I’ll become a wrist banger” Gerard spoke on, shrugging.

Frank nodded to reply to the boy, but really, he thought, it was a fair conclusion; Gerard had completely slashed up his arms after all.

“Gerard… why exactly did you hurt yourself? Tell me, then no more questions, I promise” Frank pushed. Gerard smiled. “Yes, for now though, right Frank? You won’t stop asking” he jeered, trying to change the subject.

“Probably. Please, Gerard…” Frank spoke with all seriousness, putting his hand on Gerard’s. “It felt good. At the time, it felt controlling. It distracted me from how upset I was” Gerard replied without looking the other in the eye, knowing the brutal honesty would be enough to shake Frank up.

“I’m fine now, Frank. I promise you that. It was a momentary thing, I rarely think of doing something like that to myself, you must believe me” he finished. Frank looked over at the boy’s tired face.

“I do” he choked, restraining his tears. Gerard stroked his thumb across the boy’s knuckles tenderly, soothingly. “Tell me about what happened, yesterday, Frank, with your mother” he said softly.

Frank shuffled up and breathed out, preventing any tears from spilling. He looked deeply at Gerard for a moment, before speaking.

“They didn’t really tell me much… they just said that she’d killed herself. No details or anything, just that she was dead” he said. Gerard nodded.

“Have you seen anything since then, Frank? I know you’re hallucinations were getting more frequent, but last night, you didn’t have a nightmare, you often shout when you’re in bed. But not last night” he responded. Frank frowned.

“I didn’t know I did that” he spoke honestly, somewhat embarrassed. Gerard smiled warmly. “It’s okay” he mouthed, urging Frank to continue with his reply. Frank sighed.

“I haven’t, not at all… But that’ll be the meds, I imagine” he said. “Oh” Gerard remarked, shrugging. “I didn’t know if you were taking them or not, as all” he finished.

The two sat in a calm quiet for a long time, enjoying the warmth of each other’s forms against the coldness of the snow that was falling softly around them.

Frank was sure he could hear Gerard humming, though he didn’t say anything about it, he was simply too content and he honestly found it soothing.

“Iero” a voice descended on the pair’s idyllic state. Frank and Gerard looked up at the same time, retracting their hands from one another’s.

“You have a visitor, in the ward” the nameless man carried on; another introduced nurse, Frank thought. “Oh, okay” he spoke hastily, standing up. Gerard gave him a nod, staying put. “I’ll see you later” he said happily, Frank replying a same way.

Frank was lead from the courtyard and back into the ward. He was expecting to see Mark again, though he couldn’t he him in the crowd.

The nurse directed him to slightly further down the room, where no one ever sat; mainly because the furniture was so shabby. A boy sat there, in the corner, looking out of the window.

He was blond, skinny; he was wearing what was in spirit a three piece suit, all in brown, down to the shoes. As Frank was lead towards him, he stood up politely; Frank wondered if he was a lawyer.

“You’ve got fifteen minutes” the nurse spoke, leaving Frank to walk further towards the other. “Uh… hey” Frank spoke, curiously looking over the other. The man held out a hand, which Frank prudently shook.

“Hello, Frank” the man said. Frank let go of his hand and merely stared on, not knowing at all what to say. “Frank, it’s… I’m Logan” the other spoke hurriedly.

Frank could have fallen flat on the ground, he was so shocked. “Logan…” he breathed, trying to calm himself. His brother, his long lost, kidnapped brother stood before him. He appeared well looked after, magnificent in fact.

Before Frank could think to do anything else, he lurched forward, grasping his brother in a tight hug; thankfully, Logan reciprocated with equal force, letting out a long sigh, as if he was trying to hold back his own tears.

“Fucking hell, Frank…” Logan mumbled into Frank’s shoulder. Most of the other’s in the day room were staring at them, but neither appeared to care.

“I’m so… so sorry I left you, that I didn’t try to find you… she had me under lock and key, I couldn’t leave… I was scared to leave” he younger man elaborated, trembling. Frank couldn’t help but notice that they even sounded similar in their speech.

“It’s okay… it’s all okay now” Frank offered comfort, causing the other to sniffle. They separated, Logan wiped his eyes. “Fuck, I told myself I wouldn’t cry…” he mouthed. Frank shrugged and shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re here… you’re really here” he talked. They both instinctively took that opportunity to sit down, on two seats that lay opposite to each other.

“What the hell are you doing in here Frank? What happened?” Logan surged, his voice laced heavily with upset still. Frank sighed; blunt honesty was what he was going to drive with.

“I developed a sort of… schizophrenic paranoia type… thing” he spoke in steps, highly embarrassed, considering it was the first time he’d seen the other in so long.

“I heard you, and mum, I had these nightmares too… It became really bad a few months ago and so I got admitted, I’ve only been here a couple of weeks. Bad timing… really” Frank quipped, his brother laughing lightly at the manner. His face soon set back into a serious one.

“But like… that’s…” he murmured. “Listen, Logan, don’t feel bad… Please, oh god, don’t feel bad… none of this is your fault” Frank interjected. Logan looked up and sighed. “It’s hers” he commented, with Frank nodding as a reply.

“I know she killed him, everyone does. It was in the suicide note” Logan continued. Frank nodded absently, having not been given such information before.

“But you… you thought she had before that, right?” Frank pressed, fearful that the other had been brainwashed. Logan nodded, much to Frank’s relief.

“I… she had convinced me otherwise a few times, when I was younger. But I knew it; I knew what I had seen” he confirmed. Frank let out a sigh. “What did you do then… whilst you were on the run, y’know?” he asked. Logan shrugged.

“We were hardly on the run. You wouldn’t believe it Frank, all we did was move. She enrolled me in school, she got a job, no one said a thing.

It took five years before stuff started to happen, she started to get recognised… We just moved around after that, staying in various places for a few months before people started to talk.

Obviously, the more we moved, the quicker people started to talk, then, when we were in London, we got found. But she… that was when she made up the lie, that was two years ago.

She told authorities that she was a victim, she’d ran from him, and they believed every word of it; they never thought to ask me” he explained, noting Frank’s shocked expression.

“When the investigation was over, we moved back to the old house… That’s when the papers got involved again” he finished. Frank thought for a moment, closing his eyes momentarily to calm himself.

“I know… Mark told me about that. I was so angry” he murmured, folding his arms. Logan nodded to himself, looking up over Frank’s head. Frank turned around, seeing Dr Harris stood behind him.

“That’s your fifteen minutes, I’m afraid, boys” he spoke with some caution, obviously knowing the significance of the situation. Frank turned around to face his brother, who had stood up, so he followed suit.

“Come and see me again soon, Logan… Please” Frank spoke as the two embraced again. “Of course I will, Jesus, Frank…” he joked, clearly on the verge of crying again.

“I hope you get better soon, Frank, you can come and live with me, straight up, okay?” he finished, separating the two. “Thank you…” Frank mumbled as Dr Harris lead his brother away. “Goodbye, Frank” Logan spoke.

“Bye” Frank replied awkwardly as the man walked from sight, disappearing down the corridor. Frank stood completely still in the hall for a very long time, tracing his eyes across the floor where his brother had walked, for the first time in nine years.

Letting out a long, satisfied breath, Frank walked back into the main area of the day room, seeing Gerard sat in the corner, clearly waiting for him. Frank grinned at the other, beckoning him forwards.

Gerard got up and walked towards the boy’s beaming form, mesmerised. “Frank, who was that?” he spoke gleefully, matching Frank’s disposition. Frank grabbed Gerard’s sleeve and pulled him toward their room, his expression not changing.

“It was Logan” he spoke quietly, as if giddy. Gerard frowned and leant himself closer to the boy as they walked. “Who?” he questioned again, still stunned by Frank’s blast of hyperactivity.

They reached their room and Frank pushed open the door, shoving Gerard in, causing him to fall over backwards onto his bed. Frank laughed out loud at the boy, descending on top of him.

There was nothing sexual; Frank simply clung to the boy in the most cheerful, jubilant grasp he had ever produced, nuzzling himself into the crook of Gerard’s neck. It was an odd mannerism, but it appeared to make sense to them both.

“Logan, Gerard, it was Logan – My brother. My fucking brother” he almost cheered, feeling Gerard’s warm arms around him. Gerard tried to share in Frank’s happiness, though the mentioning of a brother had startled him somewhat.

He was by far not going to let that effect the wondrously elevated nature of the other though, so he squeezed back. “That’s wonderful, Frankie” he responded, fighting his own tears.


	14. Chapter 14

“Gerard? What the fuck are you doing?” Frank asked, looking up from his position on the grass. It was a few days after Logan’s visit and abnormally dry considering the cold December air.

Gerard had suggested they spend the afternoon having a picnic, considering that Logan had, upon Frank’s request, delivered him some random appearing food items; Frank demanding more edible food than available in the cafeteria.

The two had been laid across Gerard’s duvet which was tossed on the grass; sipping at cans of drink and occasionally flinging each other a peanut or two.

All the goods had been formerly checked, so the pop was somewhat flat, as they’d had to be opened previously by the staff to check for alcohol.

Gerard was wearing one of Frank’s blazers, much to the disapproval of the staff, to accommodate the coldness. They were both wrapped up in about as much clothing as they could find, they knew that they probably looked ridiculous, but it was anything to get out of the stuffy ward.

Gerard had gotten up and was now stood against the mesh surrounding the tennis courts, which were at that time locked. The place was quiet; no others had dared venture into the cold.

Gerard spun around and hooked his fingers into the loops, standing on his tip toes – He was watching something. “Gerard?” Frank pressed again, leaning up onto his elbows, looking over at the boy curiously.

“Did Sam dye his hair, Frank?” Gerard responded, not shifting from his glance. Frank frowned. “I uh… Yeah, I think so. I think it’s black now” he spoke slowly. Gerard giggled to himself, his eyes darting up.

“He’s over there” he mouthed, pointing up. “He’s trying to scale the fence, there’s a bunch of security men and nurses trying to grab his legs” Gerard finally looked around at Frank, he was grinning immensely. Frank cocked his head back, a doubtful expression painting about him.

“I’m not joking” Gerard confirmed, looking back over. Frank shrugged and stood up, looking in the same direction as Gerard. To his surprise, Gerard was right.

In the far corner of the grounds, beyond the court, was a raven haired figure, scrambling his way through the barbed wire; he was definitely too high up for the others to catch him by now, Frank thought.

“He’s done well” Gerard quipped, offering Frank a cursory glance before looking back. “Has anyone ever got that high up?” Frank questioned. Gerard shrugged.

“Oh yes, they have, Frank. They tend to get out. I’ll give him two minutes. If he takes longer, they’ll be police officers on the other side” he smiled, turning back.

“Wait? People have escaped from here?” Frank pressed, scowling. “Of course. We all could, if we tried. It’s not a hard job, especially at night. But why bother? They’re damn good at finding us.

The longest anyone’s ever been gone is about five days, and they tend to come back bruised and hungry, tail between their legs” Gerard smirked, lolling back on the wire. Frank smiled. He paused for a moment, staring back at the scrambling boy, whose clothing had clearly gotten caught up in the barb.

“Have you ever tried to escape?” Frank spoke up after a time, shyly looking at Gerard. Gerard sighed. “Yes, I did. When I was sixteen. I got on the barbed wire, at the top, but I got my leg caught up, look” he spoke, leaning down and pulling up his trouser leg, revealing a partially faded white scar, running up a good six inches of his leg.

“Oh” Frank mouthed, presenting an exaggerating pained expression, which made Gerard laugh. “When they got me down, I was in such trouble, Frank. They didn’t allow me out for weeks and they kept me in confinement for days at a time.

Sammy won’t get the same treatment, he’s not a high risk-er like me, he’ll get a slap on the wrist, but for me… it just wasn’t worth it. And fuck me that cut hurt” he spoke. Frank shook his head and grinned, looking back over at Sam.

With that, the boy they were watching toppled over the other side of the fence, hitting the eleven foot drop with a loud thud. He didn’t move for a moment, though soon enough he hurried himself up and began to jog from the scene, his limp was pained.

Frank’s glance shifted when he heard a faint cheering from his right. He looked over to the corner of the ward, seeing a group of patients looking out of the large outfacing window of the day room, clapping; he assumed at the development. He couldn’t help but laugh at this.

“Well, he beat the police” Gerard commented. “How long do you think he’ll do? I reckon he’s fucked his leg up. I’d give him a day. He’s too jittery to not be noticed” he finished, walking back to the duvet on the ground. The other followed him.

“I don’t know…” Frank laughed, sitting down beside him. “I still don’t understand that boy… he’ll get out of here if he eats. And he can eat; he just chooses not to. He escaping won’t prove a thing. Did he tell you about his plan?” Gerard asked the other, laying back.

Frank reached into his pocket and took out a cigarette, remaining sat up. “No, he didn’t… we haven’t really spoken for a few days… He’s gone off me” he chuckled. Gerard laughed back.

“He does that, he fleets in between people. He’s been pally with me on occasion, but we never stayed friends longer than a couple of weeks” he commented.

Frank thought for a moment, taking a drag before handing the article to Gerard. “I don’t know… I think he has a problem with me… Like, he seems to be making an effort to not be around me. It’s not a coincidence… I don’t know. I think… do you think he knows I’m, you know… queer?” he spoke quietly, worrying.

Despite everything, Frank had never openly said such a word to Gerard, with Gerard not saying anything similar either. Gerard realised Frank’s discomfort and put a hand soothingly on his knee, rubbing lightly.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t say so. It’s just him, don’t take it to heart” he spoke warmly. Frank frowned. “But you knew. You must have. That or you were happy to rape me” he laughed nervously, trying to lighten the mood. Having taken a few breaths, Gerard gave the fag back to Frank. He sniggered at Frank’s strange comment.

“No, Frank. I wasn’t trying to rape you” he rolled his eyes, and playfully nudged Frank’s leg with his knuckle. “I could just tell, I could tell you liked me too” he spoke. Frank stubbed the smoke out on the ground.

“How?” he replied, his voice contained an undertone that feared his abnormality was blatant. “Don’t worry Frank; you’re not some raving faggot. I could just see something, in your eyes. You notice I stare at you, Frank” he laughed.

Frank still looked bemused, pressing for a better response from Gerard. “Listen, sweetheart” Gerard quipped, using his cooing only to sound patronising. “I could tell within minutes of meeting you that someone you loved had died, Frank. Need you really question me on how I knew that you’re gay?” he concluded smugly.

Gerard sat up, pulling Frank by a loose hand down to the ground. Frank smiled and settled himself, allowing Gerard to rest his head on his chest. Frank put one hand behind his head and threaded his other through Gerard’s hair.

The other let out a content sigh, nuzzling his face into Frank’s warm shirt. The past few days Gerard had been somewhat distant, and Frank really didn’t know why.

He hadn’t been rude to him nor had be completely blanked him. It appeared simply that on occasion Gerard would zone out, some times during conversation, and would resume reality in a distinctly less positive mood.

Frank blamed it on the constant pestering of the staff as a result of his self-harm watch, as they were pretty much coming and talking to him every couple of hours, despite whether he was with others or not.

He’d even once been hauled out of the shower so they could check his arms once more; which had left Gerard feeling somewhat dehumanised.

That said, from the moment Frank had woken up that morning, with Gerard having actually crawled into his bed the previous night, Frank felt that the other was significantly happier, though he really didn’t know why.

Frank figured, when he had time to consider, that there was really little reasoning with Gerard, one should simply accept what was happening, which in such a great mood, was an easy thing to adhere to.

“You okay, Gerard?” Frank sounded after a long while of silence. He wasn’t necessarily concerned; it was simply his caring nature shining through. He felt Gerard smile against his clothing. “Yes, Frank. I’m fine” he laughed.

“Why? Shouldn’t I be? Have you done something wrong?” he elaborated, looking up. Frank chuckled. “I don’t think so” he commented. Gerard looked at him for a short time before shifting himself up to Frank’s eye level.

He studied the other’s reaction to his movements for a second, then carefully pressed his lips against Franks, allowing his eyes to slip shut. Frank let out a soft sigh, kissing back with identical faintness to Gerard.

The kiss only lasted for a moment, as they both knew the staff would take issue. The nurses were obviously aware of the two’s closeness, though they both knew that they were too traditional to read it as anything sexual, so they were relatively safe.

But their doctors hadn’t picked up on it in the slightest, and although they were legally obliged not to be offended, Gerard and Frank knew it would impede on the amount of sympathy they would receive if they did find out.

As Gerard settled himself back into his comfortable position on top of the other, he felt light specks of snow on his cheek, forcing him to sit up. Frank mimicked the action. “Bloody weather” Gerard complained as Frank began to collect up the various packets and such around them, tossing them into a plastic bag.

Gerard hauled up the duvet as the snow began to fall at an expressively increased rate, walking speedily back towards the ward closely behind Frank. They re-entered the area and without giving anyone else a glance, returned to their room to rearrange their belongings.

“Your duvets a bit damp, Gerard, do you want me to put it on the heater?” Frank enquired upon pressing his fingers lightly on the fabric, which Gerard had already flung over his bed. “No, it’ll dry” he spoke from across the room, where he was attending to his hair.

Frank laid back on Gerard’s bed and let out a long sigh, shutting his eyes for a moment, allowing his skin to warm up. Suddenly, Gerard climbed on to his bed, clambering over Frank’s form and placing gentle kisses on his face.

Frank grinned, Gerard looked entirely giddy. “What is it?” Frank commented as Gerard’s kisses moved down his throat. Gerard smirked and proceeded to attempt a love bite on Frank’s collar bone.

“Gerard…” Frank sighed, holding onto the boy’s shoulders. Gerard stopped and simply smiled up at the other, shifting down so that they assumed the same position they had done on the grass outside.

Frank took hold of Gerard’s hands, rubbing the soft skin. “You’re good to me Frank” Gerard mouthed quietly, kissing Frank’s chest after he had finished speaking. Frank grinned to himself, shutting his eyes again. “That’s sweet… You are to me, too, Gee” he whispered.

Gerard laughed silently against Frank, mouthing something along the lines of “I don’t think I am” to himself, before shutting his eyes similarly.

An hour or two must have passed the two by; it was dawning on the evening. Gerard seemed half asleep but Frank was alert, thinking to himself.

He had begun to think in depth about Gerard’s situation; it really was getting to the point where it almost bothered him that he knew so little about Gerard’s condition compared to how much Gerard knew about his.

He knew that it wasn’t Gerard’s fault per say, it was down solely to his condition. Frank hoped though that Gerard trusted him enough at that point to perhaps elaborate.

“Gerard?” he asked carefully, rubbing the boy’s shoulder as if in an attempt to reanimate him. “Mm?” Gerard spoke up after a while. “Why did you hate your brother?” Frank spoke as to the point as he could, though trying to keep a degree of care.

Gerard shuffled and let go of Frank’s hand. “He was daddies favourite” he sounded after a while, sitting up. It struck Frank that Gerard’s voice had reverted back to the innocent one he had been presented with when Gerard had hurt himself all those days ago; he sounded scared, like a child.

“Daddy always… looked after him best. He didn’t love me at all” Gerard blurted out abruptly, getting off the bed. “Shh, Gerard, it’s okay…” Frank tried to convince him, but Gerard was already pacing about the room.

“Gerard” Frank mouthed, holding the boy’s shoulder delicately. “Don’t touch me!” Gerard screamed out, shoving Frank away from him. “Gerard… Shh, please” the concerned boy whispered.

“Daddy… Why?!” Gerard hollered, slamming his hands against the door. “Gee” Frank muttered, unable to do much more. As to Gerard’s provocation, the door swung open and various doctors stormed in.

“Gerard!” one yelled, grabbing the boy’s wrists and pinning him against the wall. “N-no!” Gerard cried. “No-o, Frankie!” he tried to turn around but another doctor pushed his head against the wall.

Before Frank could even interrupt with any form of comfort, one of the men injected Gerard with what Frank assumed was a sedative, as he became considerably drowsy. “Sorry…” Gerard sounded as he was slowly escorted from the room.


	15. Chapter 15

“He won’t tell us a damn thing, Frank” Dr Harris spoke hoarsely to the boy who sat bemused before him. Frank had been summand to the office; it was now two days since Gerard’s outburst.

“I’ve not seen him like this for a long time, you see. We just wanted to make sure that you were comfortable seeing him again, we would understand if you perhaps wanted to swap rooms with someone” the man went on, seemingly disregarding his first statement.

It was rich, Frank thought, that only a few of the nurses had seen Gerard in any such state, considering Frank had twice in his short stay; he was realising truly how unobservant and useless the staff were.

“No” Frank spoke up, shuffling. “I don’t mind sharing a room with him… we get on really well” he knew it wasn’t his place to mention what Gerard had muttered to him before his demise; Frank knew he had successfully hidden it for years, so it wasn’t up to him to destroy that, he’d be breaking trust.

“Well, if you say so, Frank. It would have been a fuss to move you anyway” the other laughed flippantly, clearly trying to lighten the mood. Frank didn’t care for it though; he just wanted to know where his friend was.

“Has he said anything to you? It’s important that if he has, you tell me. He hasn’t revealed anything about what happened to him and there’s no one available to tell us themselves.

It’s become detrimental to his recovery – We can only dope him up for so long, you see, before he becomes used to it – Like a resistance. We’re running out of options with him, Frank…” The doctor babbled, as if he already knew that Frank was aware of something.

“He doesn’t tell me about anything personal, Doctor, just music, stuff like that…” Frank responded dully, slightly concerned over the fact that despite he being as much of a patient as Gerard was, they were using him as some sort of tool.

“What music does he like?” Dr Harris piped up, looking intrigued. You’ve got to be kidding me, Frank thought. “I don’t know… soft stuff” he mumbled. The doctor seemed to notice his lack of interest and sighed, standing up.

“Frank, you must tell me if he tells you something, okay?” he mouthed. Frank nodded. “Good. It’s imperative to his recovery. We let him back on to the ward about ten minutes ago; he may have gone to the art room. Just act as though it’s business as usual, okay Frank?” the elder concluded as Frank stood up alongside him, ready to leave the room.

“Okay…” Frank responded, drearily leaving the doctor to his work. He walked down the corridor and to the day room, seeing that it was largely empty. Aside from the few there, Gerard was not present, so Frank continued to walk.

He was apprehensive about how the other was going to be when he found him, he feared above all that he’d have shut down again; he’d even prefer for him to be hysterical, because at least then he could get somewhere.

Frank walked down a dimly lit hall that came from the main one, knowing that somewhere down there were the art rooms. He’d not been down there before, which surprised him considering that it was exactly what he enjoyed; but he simply hadn’t been timetabled as of yet.

It was unlit at the end where Frank had found himself. It was depressing, he thought. Carefully, he opened the door and stepped into the room where he knew Gerard liked to paint. It was completely empty, despite the fact that the lights were on.

“Hello?” Frank called out, closing the door softly behind him. Not a sound; it was obviously empty. As Frank turned to leave though, he saw a painting on the wall.

It was of a soft landscape, the colours were muted and the overall effect was calmly, like water. Frank noted a simple ‘G’ marked in the corner with a black biro. This must have been the painting that Gerard wasn’t allowed to keep, Frank figured.

He traced his fingers carefully over the work, as if testing for its authenticity. Frank found himself smiling warmly; it was a representation of the nature of Gerard that he worked to keep hidden – And he had presented it so blatantly to the staff, but they were simply too inconsiderate to notice.

Shrugging, Frank turned and left the room, walking back into the harsh light of the main room. He let out a sigh, realising that the other was likely to be sat in their room. Frank began to wonder meaningfully towards his dorm; he didn’t know it, but his hands were sweating.

Carefully, Frank pushed open the door to the room, seeing that it was slightly ajar. “Gerard?” he spoke softly, poking his head through before stepping in.

As he had assumed, Gerard was sat on his bed, facing the wall, away from the other. “Gee?” Frank piped up again, shutting the door behind him. Before he walked forwards, he took the pair’s shared desk chair and jammed it under the handle, making sure that no one would get in easily.

Frank sat down beside the boy, who although somewhat distant, was far from being extreme or hysterical, much to Frank’s relief. “Hey” Gerard mouthed, letting out a long sigh. He looked over at Frank, his eyes weary, before shuffling closer, leaning on Frank with a sense of familiarity.

Frank placed an arm around Gerard’s lower back, rubbing in small circles with his loose fingers. “Are you… okay? Gerard” Frank questioned, only really vainly attempting to get something out of the other. Gerard shrugged.

“I’m… I’m sorry for the way I acted I…” he paused; Frank shushed him, squeezing his shoulder lightly as a sign of comfort. “Don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong, Gee…” he mumbled, comfortingly. Gerard smiled. “I like that” he spoke.

Frank looked down at his face momentarily, matching his smile. “What do you like?” he questioned. “That you call me Gee, it’s nice” the other responded.

There was a sense of calm in the room that they both longed for. It was a gentle sort of feeling, which soothed them both in spite of the fact that neither of them spoke. After a long time, Gerard shuffled up, placing his head in his unstable hands.

“Gee? What’s wrong?” Frank piped up instantly; putting his hand in Gerard’s greasy, messed up hair. Gerard let out a long, shaken breath. “I want to talk now…” he mumbled, leaning back to reveal a teary face.

“I want to tell you” he spoke up, folding his arms in his lap. Frank remained silent, using only his expression to urge the other on, as he didn’t wish to startle him. Gerard sighed out, closing his eyes. “This is so hard” he mouthed, almost laughing to himself; Frank assuming that it was a nervous reaction. He decided to speak up after all.

“It’s okay Gerard, it’s okay…” Frank whispered, placing his hand on top of Gerard’s. Gerard opened his eyes; his appearance was so nervous that he looked almost as though he was going to throw up.

“I was always…” he began, trembling. “You don’t tell this to anyone Frank… I…” he hurried. “Shh, I won’t, I promise that I won’t… You know I won’t” Frank interjected. Gerard sat quietly for a short time, seeming to be configuring his words.

“When we were growing up, I was always daddy’s favourite, Frank. He always loved me the best, bought me everything I wanted, took me out places, spent time with me…” the boy was beginning to hyperventilate, Frank allowed him to squeeze his hand.

“Then my brother he… he came along. It was perfect the first few years, me and daddy were still so faultless, Frank… We were, we were…” he began to ramble, so he paused momentarily.

“But after a while he didn’t want to spend time with me, he preferred Mikey. He wouldn’t even look at me. Me and daddy… we had a really special relationship, Frank, really special… really…”

With that, Gerard cracked up, descending into sobs on Frank’s lap. “Shh, Gerard, it’ll be okay… shh” Frank tried to comfort, but Gerard shot up again. “He fucked me, Frank!” Gerard hollered, clinging to Frank’s shirt and staring at him directly in the face.

“B-But it wasn’t… he, I… He said that what we had, only some fathers and sons had, we were… better than them” he paused. Frank could hardly believe what he was hearing, he felt physically sick in seeing the pain of the other. He decided to press on though, knowing that it would do Gerard good.

“He… he raped you?” Frank spoke quietly, swallowing heavily. Gerard’s eyes widened, he almost looked hurt. “No!” he backed away from Frank abruptly, shoving him. “Don’t you ever, ever use that w-word… it wasn’t, we were together, me and him. I liked i-it…” Gerard began to sob again.

“But-t I saw h-him with… I saw him doing i-it t’ Mikey and I fucking wanted to kill him-m… he broke my heart, Frankie…” he choked. Frank merely sat still, taking in what Gerard was saying. He pitied the other so much but he couldn’t get over how messed up what Gerard had said was.

“Mikey g-got him in trouble… that’s why he left. I want-ted him so badly, just to… oh fuck, I don’t know!” Gerard literally threw himself into Frank’s lap; all Frank could do was stroke his hair. “I k-know it was wrong… I know that now-w… I just, back then… I wanted…” he paused, managing to collect himself.

“That’s why I tried to h-hurt him, Frankie… I was jealous, it’s fucked up but that’s… what I was” he muttered, though still weeping profusely. Frank looked down.

“Oh… Gee” he offered, feeling tears well up in his eyes similarly. It was far worse than anything Frank could have fathomed, he had suspected abuse, he was sure that everyone did, but not to this extent.

Not only had Gerard been dealing with his father’s sordid life style, but he had also been brainwashed into jealousy and guilt. Frank felt a huge amount of responsibility over whelm him. He felt accountable for Gerard now, and he had failed to protect him against his demons.

“Shh” Frank mumbled into Gerard’s hair, as the boy was still crying hard against his chest. “Fuck… fuck! I’m so messed up, Frank… I’m so…” he mouthed, breathing out roughly, trying to get himself to calm down. Frank couldn’t say a thing, and Gerard knew it.

Simply, what was there to say? No amount of comfort was going to undo the years of aggravation Gerard had been subjected to; all Frank could do was be there. For the longest time, Gerard stayed slumped over his friend, crying, as if he hadn’t been able to cry for himself in years.

A huge amount of inelegance and discomfort had been lifted from the pair the moment they had begun to talk, so the mood of the room was a strange combination of anxiety and sorrow, but it was paired with the relief of a massive amount of strain. “I don’t w-want him anymore… I know it’s wrong…” Gerard mumbled inaudibly, clearly speaking to himself.

Swiftly, the door before them heaved with a loud bang, Gerard stood up abruptly. “What the? Frank! Gerard! Open this door right now!” a nurse called from the other side. Frank threw Gerard a desperate look, who stared back with matching grief.

Gerard glanced over at the bathroom briefly and then back at Frank, climbing over the bed and locking himself in the cubical. Frank took the opportunity to move the chair from the door, which came hurtling open with a loud slam on the wall.

“Frank!” she yelled, though quietening herself as the door swung open. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You know that you’re not to try and lock the door” she scolded, pointing a bony finger at Frank. Frank gulped, trying to clear his throat from his previous crying.

“Yeah, uh… sorry” he mouthed, not gaging in eye contact with the other. “Well, don’t do it again, Iero” she snapped. “Where’s Gerard? It’s lights out” she looked around the room or a moment. Frank froze up.

“I uh… he’s in the bathroom, getting dressed” he hurried, looking back at the door for a second. The woman cocked an eyebrow. “Gerard?” she mouthed. There was a short period of silence, before Gerard offered a muffled reply.

“I’m in here” came the noise. The woman nodded and turned to leave, not before grabbing the chair and dragging it out of the room, closing the door behind her.

At that, Gerard re-emerged from the bathroom, his head held low. Despite the fact there was no change in his appearance, he seemed somewhat more fragile, thinner even; Frank despaired at this.

“Gee…” he mouthed, standing up. Gerard shot him a single glance, walking quickly towards him and placing his head in the others chest again. “I want t’… I want to go to sleep now” he mumbled, clearly exhausted.

Frank smiled to himself, knowing the worst part of Gerard’s heart ache was finally over. He replied with an agreement and the pair got ready in complete silence.

Gerard shuffled weakly into his bed first, rolling over and facing Frank’s bed as he too clambered into his sheets. Gerard stared wide eyed at Frank for a long time, slowly bringing his arm out from underneath his duvet.

Frank took the hint, reaching forwards similarly and holding onto Gerard’s hand cautiously. Gerard was slowly rolling his shaky fingers over Franks, his eyes slipping shut along with Franks.

“Frank?” Gerard finally spoke up after a time. “Mm?” Frank replied, neither of them opening their eyes. Gerard sighed. “They didn’t wash my sheet, it smells of grass” he spoke, his tone broken but humoured with a smirk. Frank smiled.

“I guess not” he mouthed. That was it for the conversation, the two gradually fell asleep, their hands still entwined. Frank couldn’t help but fear what all this would mean in the end. But as he became drowsy, he managed to disregard his angst, feeling the softness of Gerard’s skin on his.


	16. Chapter 16

Frank awoke to the quiet sound of a radio playing next to his bed. His eyes flickered open to see Gerard sitting cross legged, nodding his head to the tune of whatever song he was listening to, Frank could swear he recognised it, but at that moment he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Gerard’s face was calm and pleasant, he almost looked amused. Frank found himself merely staring over the other for a long period of time. The other glowed like he never had before, like he was finally free of guilt or hardship, it was truly heart-warming to Frank.

“Don’t stare, it’s rude” Gerard talked after a time, finally glancing over at the other boy. Frank smiled. “I’m sorry” he spoke simply. Gerard set down the radio and walked over to Frank’s bed, sitting on the floor next to it so that he could be close to Frank.

“How are you, Gerard? I mean… really” Frank murmured, sleepiness still over coming him. Gerard sighed and looked at the ground.

“I’ve never told another person what actually happened to me, Frank. I, I don’t know how I feel” he said honestly. His voice wasn’t as unstable as it had been, but it was still fraught with fragile emotion.

He didn’t appear to be trying to combat it either, which offered Frank much relief. Frank nodded sympathetically, shuffling out of his duvet slightly. Gerard looked thoughtful. “I’m sorry” he spoke. Frank frowned.

“Gerard… please, don’t. You’ve not done a thing wrong… please, don’t ever think that” he said softly as he could, bringing out his hand and tracing it slowly over Gerard’s jaw line.

“It’s very hard not to. It’s almost like everything that is wrong with me is self-inflicted. I did…” he paused. “I did try to kill him, Frankie” Gerard hushed his tone, letting out a long breath. Frank shook his head.

“He did this to you. You didn’t do this to yourself… he... your dad, brainwashed you. How else were you supposed to think? After he did that to you… so young” he spoke slowly. Gerard’s eyes slipped shut for a second, opening them to reveal a tear fall down his cheek.

“Hey, hey, shh” Frank cooed, sitting up and allowing Gerard to loll his head into his lap. Gerard complied, nestling his form against Frank’s legs.

Soon though, Gerard stood up, walking behind Frank’s bed and slowly climbing in, placing his arms around Frank’s waist. Sluggishly, Frank rolled over to face him. Gerard wriggled towards him, placing a warm kiss on Frank’s lips. Frank beamed and kissed back carefully, placing his own arms loosely on the top of Gerard’s thighs.

The kiss continued in a soft manner for a long time, Gerard gradually getting closer and closer to the other boy, his grip tightening on Frank’s skinny form. “You need to shave” Gerard murmured, pulling away for only a moment. Frank smiled. “I know” he mouthed, pecking Gerard’s cheek as he talked; though really it was the mildest case of stubble.

Gerard sited his lips to Frank’s throat and began to place gentle kisses, tentatively. Frank found himself sinking into the feeling, letting out a content breath. After a time though, he pulled back, carefully placing his hands on Gerard’s chest and pushing him.

“Gerard, please… stop” he sighed, lacing his fingers with Gerard’s. “Are you sure you’re… okay? After what you just said, all this… I, just…” he tried to reason, though it emerged as a sort of ramble. Gerard looked down for a second, his face filling with injury.

“Frank… I’ve been dealing with this for as long as I remember. I’ve only made myself feel better about it by telling you, not worse. I feel as I always did” he articulated, squeezing Frank’s hand reassuringly, offering somewhat of a smile. Frank thought for a moment, though soon realised the logic in the others words, seeing it was his problem more than anything.

“Oh… er, yeah, you’re right…” he mumbled. Gerard kissed him softly on the forehead. “I understand your… feelings, Frankie, I really do, you haven’t gone off me though, have you?” he spoke in a joking fashion, although Frank was sure he could sense a small amount of hurt.

“No, no…” Frank sighed, stroking Gerard’s hair lightly. “It’s just… a lot to take in, you must see that” he spoke. Gerard nodded absently, shifting his glance down again. “I understand” he said, shuffling closer to the other, nestling his head in Frank’s chest.

“I’m sorry” Frank repeated, hugging the boy closely. Gerard didn’t reply, though Frank didn’t feel any less warmth from the boy.

The plan appeared to be to lay there for a while, though as per usual, the door before them clicked, causing Gerard to shift above the sheets of Frank’s bed and sit up, as if the pair were merely talking.

The nurse that stood before them simply offered a cursory look, without even saying anything, then leaving abruptly. Gerard looked down at Frank. His face was calm, Frank thought – Or perhaps more so hoped.

He dreaded the boy going back to square one because of Frank’s unresponsive nature, though deep down he knew that the other was too logical for that. It didn’t stop Frank’s stress though and he shifted up slightly.

“You’re not mad, are you?” he spoke, though his voice cracked in a way that Gerard could only describe as endearing. Gerard smiled. “No” his words were simple but moving, but Frank was still dismayed.

“Fucking hell… After everything you said, I’m more bothered about me, how I feel… I mean, I’m not, I just… I seem that way. I don’t wanna seem that way, I…” Frank rambled, clutching the sheets to internalise his rage.

“Shh” Gerard cooed, his grin not leaving him. “I think the fact I noticed that you didn’t sleep last night – at all – is a more than fair sign that you do care, Frankie. Stop being so damn touchy, it’s boring” he graced, stroking Frank’s hair lightly. Frank laughed and sat up, bringing Gerard into another tight hug.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you” he mumbled, lowering his head into Gerard’s chest. Gerard hummed something in reply but Frank didn’t hear it, though he was sure it was merely a sigh, a sign of comprehension.

“I love you” Frank spoke up quietly. His eyes widened at his admission, Frank hadn’t even considered the notion until the words escaped from his lips; his heart beat thudded at a drastic rate.

“What was that?” Gerard mumbled into Frank’s hair, in a cool enough fashion where it was safe for Frank to assume that he hadn’t heard, as it was as general as his previous grunts and sighs.

“I uh, I just… I said thank you, for being around, for hold me, you know” Frank pushed a smile and nuzzled his face further against Gerard after he had talked, Gerard simply beamed.

“You’re hideously adorable Frank, you’re like a girl” he joked, causing Frank to shoot up. “I’m not like a girl!” he mouthed, pushing against Gerard’s shoulder with a loose fist. Gerard laughed. “I have yet to see it, but don’t worry, there’s time yet – We’ll see” he contrasted, standing up from the bed.

Frank just shook his head and laid down again, letting out a long sigh upon realising his tiredness. Gerard began to dress himself for the day, concluding by teasing his hair in the mirror; Frank observed the entire time.

“My roots are showing” Gerard commented, running his hand through his hair. Frank frowned. “You dye it?” he questioned. Gerard giggled. “Of course I do, it’s blue-black” he mouthed, glancing at the other for a short period.

“It’s usually a sort of brown-ish affair, bits of many colours really. I’ve often thought of letting it grow out, but I figured I look more intimidating this way” he finished, leaning up and straightening his clothing; white hospital get up harmonizing with a pair of Frank’s trainers and one of the others many denim jackets.

“I’d like to see it your natural colour” Frank replied blankly, not sounding particularly disinterested, but merely in a sense of small talk; this made Gerard laugh.

“I have to be with Dr Harris at nine o’clock. I honestly don’t know what for; he hasn’t been seeing me regularly for a long time. Again, I’m hopeless in their eyes. Maybe they’ve found a miracle cure for me” he joked somewhat, heading for the door. Frank smiled and offered him a small wave.

Gerard looked over the other for a little while, before stepping back towards the other boy and planting a warm, soft kiss on his lips; which Frank desperately tried to heat up. Gerard laughed lightly as he pulled away.

His face was entirely serious but drawn out with a longing sort of admiration, it surprised Frank. “Thank you for letting me talk” he mumbled almost inaudibly. Frank gulped. “You talked on your own Gerard, I didn’t do anything” Frank responded with his typical coyness, holding onto Gerard’s hand and rubbing in soft circles.

“You did” he sighed. “You were you” with that, Gerard kissed him sweetly again, backing out of the room with a same glowing expression.

Frank felt ultimately over joyed with such a beautiful sentiment, his stomach felt knotted like a primary child with a crush. Then it hit him: He had told Gerard that he loved him. Clearly, the other hadn’t heard him, but the idea that he could of alone was enough to shake Frank even just a tad.

But the main concern was that simply, he himself hadn’t thought of the idea of being in love. But as he delved he couldn’t help but think ‘of course I am’. He’d shared with Gerard everything he had since the first day of their meeting and Gerard had done the same to him.

It wasn’t a sort of over the top, I-can’t-live-without-you type of love, at least not yet, Frank thought, but he was certain now that he could feel a spark.

It drew him in mainly because of how innocent and simple the feelings appeared to be, despite the less than simple situation the pair had both found in their pasts and were experiencing now. It was easy, it was warm; it was like nothing Frank had ever felt.

Frank didn’t really leave the room for the entire day. He was carted out every now and again so that he could force a social situation, to prove to the staff that he wasn’t a recluse, but other than this, he laid on his side and read.

He assumed that Gerard would have been caught up in various group therapy sessions or, if Gerard’s predictions about he being newly medicated were true, the doctors would be likely to keep him in a confinement space for the day, to ensure that the new substances weren’t harming his mental state.

It didn’t make Frank any less bored or worried though, he found himself tossing and turning in his anxiety, managing to flick through the majority of Gerard’s books.

At around five in the afternoon, the door swung open before Frank, causing him to sit up abruptly. To his annoyance, Gerard was not stood there, it was a nurse. “What are you doing, Frank?” she mumbled bluntly. Frank shrugged.

“Just reading” he mouthed, holding up the book. She peered over it for a second, Frank humouring that perhaps she thought it may be a sort of corrupting literature, before leaving the room with no other words. The staff here were fucking inhuman, Frank thought.

After a while, Frank found a huge amount of drowsiness wash over him, so he set down the book neatly back on Gerard’s shelf, laying back down and shutting his eyes.

He was awoken by the sound of the door opening again. This time, it was Gerard, who was looking significantly more pissed off than he had done at the time of his leaving. Frank sat up.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” he pressed, swinging his legs over the bed in the direction that Gerard was now walking. Gerard shot him a quick look before opening the door to the tiny bathroom and pressing on the light, looking around curiously on the floor.

He paused when he came to a small bin, proceeding to ungraciously grab a handful and toilet roll and lay it out flat across his palm.

To a small jump of shock to Frank, Gerard opening his mouth and reached under his tongue, pulling out two tablets and crushing them into the paper, scrunching up the article and tossing it into the bin. “Sorry about that” Gerard spoke.

His voice wasn’t as ecstatic as it had been that morning, but he certainly wasn’t as upset as Frank had anticipated either; he now knowing the reason why Gerard hadn’t piped up earlier.

“It’s valium, what they gave me. They know it doesn’t work on me particularly well but they have to make it seem like they’re caring.

It makes me so ill, Frank, those tablets, throwing up sort of ill, I won’t put myself through that again just so they don’t have to check on me once a day” he talked, sitting down next to the other on the bed.

Frank half smiled and nodded. Gerard went decidedly quiet after that, his confidence appearing to drain from his face. “What happened?” Frank asked after a while, when he was sure there was issue in Gerard. Gerard sighed, causing Frank to drape an arm around his waist.

“They said I’m spending too much time with you. I’m showing my ‘compulsively manipulative symptoms’, they told me not to talk to you” he mouthed, looking at the ceiling; Frank frowned.

“I’m obviously going to stay by you and they know that, they just like to rock it up with me a slight, it looks good on a record if my condition changes, even for the worst, again, it shows that they at least did something” he tried to console the other’s clearly worried expression.

“I mean, what can they do to stop me, really?” Gerard kissed Frank on the lips, so lightly it was barely a touch. Frank hummed, letting his eyes close.

He was quiet for a while, before talking, a desperate request. “Did you tell them about what you told me?” he murmured, worried. Gerard shrugged.

“No, I didn’t, I can’t Frank, you understand that, right?” he was wholly serious, using his free hand to cock Frank’s head up. Frank nodded, before sharing another kiss with Gerard, something he knew he was growing to love.


	17. Chapter 17

A week went by, it was nearly Christmas. Frank turned his head, glancing over through the window at the winter scene before him.

He’d been confined to his room that day, they all had. Some kid, who Frank was unaware of, had killed himself four hours ago. Right in the centre of the art room – Hanging.

It had dawned on Frank more than anyone, it would seem. The reality of the situation had really hit home and for the first time it struck him that those with him truly were deeply disturbed.

Frank had been one of the first ones to see the other, a shaken brunet, another patient, having dragged him into the room in hysterics, asking “what do we do?”.

Frank simply took the boy back from the room and alerted a staff member, who hastily rushed everybody to their rooms. A couple of hours had stretched by at that point and it would seem that no one was any closer to being allowed back into the day room.

Frank had heard some commotion outside the room about ten minutes prior and Gerard had decided to sneak out to see what the fuss was about, despite Frank telling him it was inappropriate. Gerard had convinced him though, trying desperately to cheer him up in the process.

The door clacked and Frank’s head rolled lazily over the pillow. “Gerard, we told you to stay in here. Do as you are told, please” a woman spoke, prodding Gerard back into the dorm, shutting the door behind him.

“What was it?” Frank pressed, sitting up slightly as Gerard plopped himself on Frank’s mattress with a light bounce.

“The police are around; they think he got hold of some pills. They’re trying to figure out how. It looks like we’ll be in here for the rest of the night” Gerard replied, softening his voice as he knew that Frank was in a somewhat fragile state.

Frank nodded, staring blankly at the wall behind Gerard’s head. “Frank, listen” Gerard begun, putting his hand on Frank’s knee and rubbing soothingly.

“I don’t want to be flippant; I know that isn’t the right thing to do. But he was so sick, Frank. Really, really sick. He’s been suffering in here, Frank, and there wasn’t a lot more that they could do” he spoke tranquilly, shuffling up towards the other slightly.

“Suicide isn’t right, because almost all the time people do it needlessly, they don’t think, they are selfish. But he was so tired, Frank. I’ve seen it” Frank looked at Gerard in the eyes, seeing the serenity in the others expression was helping him to calm down.

“I guess” He mumbled, glancing down again. “It’s just… it was so real, Gerard. I’ve never seen death before. It reminded me of my mum… she would have looked like that; she would have been hung there… like that.

And I was happy that she died, I fucking cheered… How can I be like that! He was there and he…” Frank paused himself, taking a deep breath. “It was horrible” he concluded before he could upset himself, trying to take Gerard’s oddly sweet words on board.

“I know” Gerard cooed, laying down beside Frank and putting his arm around the boy’s waist, nestling his face into the crook of Frank’s neck.

“It’s okay, Frankie. He’s not hurting anymore, right?” he whispered, kissing Frank’s neck lightly. Frank nodded. “Your mother was bad to you Frank” he went on, trying to take anyway the images from Frank’s mind. Frank rolled over to face the other, placing his hands in Gerard’s hair.

“You’re too sweet, Gee” he mouthed, grinning. Gerard smiled. “If you say so” the boy responded, shrugging. Frank shut his eyes for a moment. “It’s okay” Gerard spoke up again, gracing his hand over Frank’s clothed back. Frank hummed in approval.

“I can make it okay” Gerard suddenly whispered, tracing his hand down to the hem of Frank’s shirt, slipping his fingers beneath the thin cloth. Frank’s eyes snapped open and he looked down at Gerard’s wandering hand.

Gerard offered him a comforting expression, placing his lips softly on Frank’s. Frank kissed back with a slow softness, not really knowing if it was what he wanted or not. “Gerard…” Frank breathed, swallowing.

“Yes?” Gerard replied warmly, placing his other hand underneath Frank’s head. Frank thought for a moment, biting his lip. “Make it okay” he whispered after a time, forging a smile. Gerard instantly reattached their lips, rolling over so that he was grinding into Frank.

Frank let out a muffled moan as the kiss grew deeper, allowing his eyes to close as his body moved with Gerard’s. Gerard’s lip’s made their way down Frank’s neck and he sucked lightly, aiming to create small marks.

Soon enough, Gerard had urged Frank’s shirt from his body and was now working on removing his own, tossing it carelessly on the ground.

Gerard noticed that Frank’s eyes were closed, so he shuffled back up to his face. “Are you sure?” he spoke. His voice was so laced with concern, such adoration, Frank thought, and it made his heart melt. He nodded.

“Y-Yeah” he mouthed, his voice cracking from his panting breath. Gerard grinned and kissed Frank again, slipping his tongue into the other’s mouth.

“Mm” Frank sounded, sliding his arms down the other boy’s body and resting his hands on Gerard’s backside. He gave a light squeeze, which caused Gerard to giggle slightly.

Gerard’s positivity appeared to give Frank a new lease of confidence, as his hands came around to Gerard’s front and began to work away the others trousers.

Gerard ceased the kiss for a moment, looking down as Frank scraped away both his trousers and his boxers, pushing them over his backside.

“Eager?” Gerard quipped, wriggling out of the clothing. Frank grinned and nodded, placing his arms quickly around Gerard’s neck and leaning up for a quick peck.

With that, he moved his fingers teasingly down Gerard’s chest and eventually reached his crotch, gently grabbing onto the base of Gerard's cock, stroking lightly.

“Good boy…” Gerard mumbled, leaning back into a sitting position as Frank continued his handy work. It was that body again, Frank thought. Gerard’s perfectly sculpted body. He was sure he had never seen anyone who looked so stunning.

“Frankie…” Gerard mouthed on as the other’s movements became more vigorous. Frank was desperate to see the other in the promised state of ecstasy but he knew he would have to wait, despite the fact he was really rather enjoying himself.

He reluctantly moved his hands away from the other when he saw that Gerard’s breathing was becoming more hitched; knowing that the boy wouldn’t last forever. Gerard opened his eyes and glanced down at Frank, whose eyes were wide, full of desire.

“Good boy” Gerard repeated, beginning to fiddle with Frank’s own remaining clothing. Frank didn’t want to waste any more time. He reached down and yanked down his trousers, before Gerard lifted himself to allow the other to kick off the garments.

Gerard stared down at Frank’s form for a while, running his fingers down from the side of Frank’s face down to his hip bone, appearing to be rather admirable of Frank’s dick.

Without hesitation, he wrapped his slim fingers around Frank, as had been performed on him previously. “Ah…” Frank moaned, pressing his head into the pillows beneath him.

Gerard merely stared intently at Frank’s face as he masturbated the boy below him, loving the sight of every movement the fragile boy made.

“Mm… Gee…” Frank gulped, placing his hands on Gerard’s hips. Gerard bent down and kissed the other sweetly, stopping his movements.

“You’re amazing, Frank” he hushed, kissing the side of Frank’s face as he spoke. Frank smiled. ‘You’re so brilliant, I love you, I love you, I love you’ was what Frank wanted to say, but he was too worried about negative repercussions, so he settled with: “You are, too…” followed by a grin as beaming as Gerard’s.

He had never felt so wanted; he was almost moved to tears. Gerard lowered himself so that he was more so lying over Frank, as opposed to sitting on his hips.

He also brought the duvet over his back, cocooning them in a small bundle. The intimacy was now so much more apparent, in Frank’s eyes; like no one could disrupt them, hurt them or separate them.

Gerard’s warm lips placed themselves back on Frank’s and moved tentatively, his hand sulking back down to the boy’s dick, rubbing only for a moment before venturing further down.

“Gerard?” Frank questioned hurriedly, sitting up slightly. “Shh” Gerard assured, his eyes slipping down to focus on what he was doing. His hand came up and he spat twice into his palm, resuming his practice.

“Ah…” Frank mumbled, now gathering what the boy was aiming at. “It’s okay, darling” Gerard spoke comfortingly; the use of the word ‘darling’ making Frank’s stomach flip. Frank felt one of Gerard’s fingers push inside him.

It was an odd feeling, he thought, but not particularly painful. “Mm…” Frank sounded, holding onto Gerard’s bicep, as if trying to convince himself that he had some form of control. Gerard smiled and at that, pushed in another finger.

Again, to Frank, it was not as painful as he had anticipated, but the discomfort was steadily growing. “Is it okay?” Gerard asked, seeing how Frank’s face, though his eyes were open, was in a way sort of gone state; his expression blank but alert.

Frank snapped from his focus and pushed a smile. “Yeah…” he murmured, nodding. “It’s just… weird” he giggled a slight at his casual manner; which made Gerard smirk likewise.

Gerard moved his hand slightly, causing shivers to travel up Frank’s spine. It hadn’t felt like it to Frank, but Gerard had been fidgeting for almost ten minutes by that point and he was pretty much satisfied with his work, and so stopped.

Frank sat up slightly, his face sulking somewhat as he had clearly enjoyed the new sensation. “You haven’t done this before, have you?” Gerard asked in a faint whisper, in such a manner where it was likely a response of “no” would have only exited him further, which was the embarrassed response Frank gave.

“Shh, it’s okay” Gerard assured, kissing Frank lightly before travelling down his body. “Gee…” Frank gasped as Gerard’s mouth traced its way over his cock, sucking lightly and lovingly.

“Mm…mm” Frank let out a long sigh, finding himself only able to smile. Gerard motions were not enough to get the other off, but were more so simply relaxing; riling the other up for what was the come.

Gerard lifted his head slightly and concentrated on Frank’s facial express. “You’re doing so well, Frankie” he spoke, moving back up the boy’s body. “Are you ready?” he went on, pecking Frank’s lips lightly; still grating himself against the other.

Frank nodded and moaned out gruffly, grabbing onto Gerard’s backside, forcing him to grind down harder on Frank’s desperation. Gerard smiled, offering Frank a crushing, messy, yet somewhat considerate, kiss; Frank putting his arms around Gerard’s shoulders as the other proceeded.

Gerard sat up on to his elbows and spat into his hand again, hurriedly spreading the gob over himself. He let out a slight whimper at the sensation of touching himself, which astounded Frank; it appeared so innocent in nature.

Gradually, after somewhat more preparation, Gerard aligned himself up with Frank’s entrance, nudging slightly. Frank hissed and threw his head back, digging his nails into Gerard’s back.

Gerard went on with substantially more caution, pressing his lips back to Frank’s as he pressed further. “Ah” Frank mouthed, biting his lip. Gerard looked at him and decided ultimately to add more spit, easing Frank somewhat.

Frank’s grip had loosened; Gerard assumed his idea had done the job. Gerard pushed in further, in a slow, slick, motion, letting out a long, throaty moan as he did so.

“Mm… Frankie” he mumbled, his eyes slipping shut. Frank couldn’t open his mouth, as he knew he would cry out. It wasn’t pain per say, merely an immense pressure, making him ache.

Suddenly though, a pleasure flushed through Frank, and he knew exactly why. “Mm, fuck” Frank moaned, aiming to relax his body. Gerard smirked.

“What was t-that, Frankie?” he sounded, shifting out and moving back in, to a similar fashion. “Ah…” Frank sounded again, smiling at Gerard’s cockiness. “You like-e that… huh?” Gerard moaned, his voice breaking up with his erratic breaths.

“Mm” Frank tried to respond, nodding his head; having never felt anything like it. Gerard moved in and out of the boy at a more leisurely pace now, burying his head into the pillow beside Frank as he moved.

“Ger-… Gee, mm. Fuck” Frank breathed, gulping. Gerard sat up slightly, looking down at Frank’s face. “Shit… baby” Gerard murmured, seeing the adoration in Frank’s expression.

“Gerar-d, m’, I’m gunna cum-m…” he whispered, bringing his hand down to touch himself loosely. Gerard grinned, slamming at a more vigorous rate into Frank’s lusting body. “Ah! Ah… Mm” Frank threw his head back.

Gerard could feel a familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he was desperate for Frank to feel the same. He fucked the other exactly how he would have wanted it, knowing that it would bring about an easy orgasm; moving slowly but precisely.

“Fuck-k…” Frank whispered, to himself, holding on firmly to Gerard’s ass so as to fully appreciate the motions. “I’m g-gun… ‘m…” Frank barely responded. “Ger-Gerard, I’m… ah… ah!” he quickened, a throaty moan cascading from his lips.

As indicated, Frank came abruptly between the pair’s moving bodies, with Gerard following soon behind, collapsing on top of the other.

“Gee…” Frank panted; bringing his arms up around the other’s likewise wheezing form. The two laid there for a long while, in a state of paralysed bliss.

“You did so well… Frankie” Gerard whispered, pecking the side of Frank’s face. Frank giggled slightly, always appreciating Gerard’s odd sentiments.

Slowly, Gerard rolled off the other, sitting up so as to get himself in his own bed. Frank grabbed his arm, softly stroking the skin. “Thank you” he said, though really he didn’t know what he meant by it.

Gerard merely smiled and kissed the boy’s forehead, standing up and lazily slumping himself in his bed. Frank laid on his side so he could watch the other, who did the same. Gerard glanced down for a moment, then looking up at Frank with a hopefully expression.

“Frank” he spoke, wrapping his duvet around his shoulders protectively. “Yeah?” Frank pressed, smiling warmly at the boy. “I love you too” Gerard spoke, rolling over onto his back, finally in a state of real content. Frank grinned. “Thank you” he spoke.


	18. Chapter 18

Frank felt a warm hand run its way through his hair. His eyes flickered open wearily, it was early morning. “Mm” he mumbled, not shifting in his position.

The sensation had awoken him from a deep and relaxed sleep, one which he hadn’t had since he arrived. His vision was blurry for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the light.

He noted that he was faced away from Gerard’s bed; towards the bathroom. He rolled over slightly and peered at the boy next to him.

Gerard was wearing only a pair of boxers and one of Frank’s hooded jumpers, a book in hand on reading intently; his other hand being the one circling Frank’s hair and neck.

“Hey” Frank croaked, clearly this throat after he spoke. Gerard looked down at the boy and smiled, placing the book on the floor beside him.

“How long have you been there?” Frank asked, lolling fully onto his back. “About an hour” Gerard replied, replacing his hand in Frank’s hair given its new position. Frank laughed.

“You should have woken me” he giggled, kissing Gerard’s fingers as they trailed down to his jaw. “I tried, trust me. You wouldn’t budge. I had some Sturgeon to catch up on” he mouthed, keeping a smile about him at Frank’s actions.

“Really? I didn’t think I was such a dead weight” Frank retorted, smirking. “Honestly, I didn’t try that hard. But you looked like a baby. It was funny” Gerard said simply.

Frank rolled his eyes and shifted up slightly, though it suddenly struck him that he was in essence entirely naked. Gerard watched him closely.

“Can you get me my boxers?” Frank asked, prodding Gerard in the thigh. The other examined Frank’s idiolect, clearly thinking of a suitable response – Frank knowing that this wasn’t going to go in his favour.

“No” Gerard spoke honestly, folding his arms. Frank shoved against the boy in a hopeless flail, a sort of tantrum style.

“Gerard! I don’t wanna get up!” he complained. Gerard just tutted. “Well, if you want your clothes, you’ll have to get up and get them yourself. I’m awfully comfy, Frank” he mouthed, his demeanour becoming ever more smug.

Frank grumbled and got up, tossing the duvet over Gerard in a vain attempt to disrupt him. He glanced around on the ground for a moment, locating his underwear and a t-shirt; as he was too lazy at that point to obtain anything fresh from the cupboard.

As he spun around to the bed though, he noticed Gerard looking over his entire body; though really he shouldn’t have expected anything less.

“Go away!” Frank complained, bounding onto the bed and covering Gerard’s eyes with his palm. Gerard mock wrestled with the boy for a short time, before Frank collapsed beside him and pulled his pants over his exposed middle.

“You’re beautiful Frank” Gerard said, his eyes still wandering. Frank peered down at himself and then back up at the other, smiling with content.

“Aweh” Frank garbled, leaning over onto the other, resting his head in the boys lap. “I think you’re beautiful too. On the inside as well” he replied. Gerard looked like he was going to respond, but he paused for a moment.

“On the inside?” he questioned Frank’s comment. Frank sat up somewhat. “Yeah, you are… you’re good to me. You’re kind too, there’s nothing wrong with you” he said so faintly it was almost a soft whisper. Gerard shuffled back, looking at the ceiling briefly.

“But there is” he murmured. Frank took the other’s hand in his and shook his head. “Not a damn thing, Gerard” he assured sternly, which caused a smile to etch itself about Gerard’s face.

“I love you” he said, looking directly into Frank’s eyes; without a hint of cheek or monotony, only clarity. Frank grinned. “I… I love you too, Gerard” he spoke, kissing the underside of Gerard’s chin.

The pair sat still for a while, Gerard merely threading his fingers in and out of Frank’s in a gentle motion. “Did they do checks last night?” Frank piped up after a time, shifting up to place his shirt over his head. Gerard thought for a moment and then nodded.

“Yes, at around midnight. Obviously after everything was sorted out. They’re always strangely neglectful when events such as these occur. A lot the time, others tend to get very upset about it, you know – If it was a friend or something.

And so they themselves may have a go, or at least try to self-harm, or maybe just some sort of protest. But the staff are always in there too late, because they don’t think of the repercussions.

Some days where we’ve had suicides, or similarly eventful proceedings, they’ll not do any checks until the next morning. It’s fucking stupid” he recited, knowing that Frank always appreciated the full details of what went on where he was living; it appearing to be a curiosity more than anything.

Frank nodded absently, re-lacing his hand with Gerard’s as he lied back down. “It’s so sad” he mumbled against Gerard’s knee.

“Yeah, I know. If I seem too… deterministic, I apologise, it’s just, after being in here a while you learn to deal with it, or it drives you crazy” Gerard replied, with a light laugh at his mention of sanity, this making Frank giggle likewise.

“What time is it?” Frank mouthed after a short time of quiet, knowing that Gerard tended to have a watch. “Nearly nine, I’m surprised they haven’t called us for breakfast yet” the boy spoke, looking at his wrist as Frank had predicted.

Frank shrugged. “I dunno” he replied simply. Abruptly, a tapping came from the door. Frank humoured in his head that the majority of what went on in the place was from the nurses interruptions, as opposed to actual therapy; which brought him on to a fleeting thought that really, he had received little.

“Gerard?” a voice called from the other side; a male voice, a threatening male voice. Gerard shuffled up, as did Frank. The door swung open, Frank recognised it as the same nurse that had assaulted Gerard before.

“Gerard!” He called, stepping with a steel toed boot into the room with a loud thud. “We’ve just had Sam in the office” he went on, standing before the boy, who in Frank’s opinion now looked petrified.

“He said that the reason he left was because you had been picking on him, is this true?” he snapped, pointing a chubby finger in the direction of Gerard. Gerard shuffled back and frowned.

“No, it’s not” he spoke cautiously, treading carefully around the man, as he appeared to become irritated easily. “Excuse me?” the man almost yelled, taking a step around the bed and therefore closer to Gerard.

“I…” Gerard looked over at Frank for a second, his eyes confirming to Frank that he was innocent. “I haven’t. I don’t spend any time in the day room anymore. I have no reason to be mean to him, either” he confirmed, no hint of anything angering in his voice, though apparently the nurse before him didn’t get this.

“You bastard! I’ll have you in confinement, you little shit!” he cursed, grabbing at Gerard, who lurched back. “Liam!” a female voice called behind him.

“I got your back last time; you can’t keep being this way with him. It won’t get you anywhere, just do as Jeff said” she spoke as she walked into the room.

Frank understood that she was the sister of the man who stood before them, and that Jeff was Dr Williams. The man gritted his teeth and took a step back, allowing the female to take charge.

“Did you upset Sam, Gerard?” she said in a patronising monotone. Gerard shook his head. “I swear that I didn’t. I don’t talk to him” he spoke honestly. The woman grinned and looked down.

“You’re a liar, Gerard, compulsively. Dr Williams told us that we had permission to remove your record player and radio as punishment” and with that, she and her corrupted brother did exactly that, trudging out the room with the aforementioned equipment before Gerard had time to object.

“I can’t believe it” Frank spoke up, shaking his head. Gerard shrugged. “It’s nothing knew” he commented blankly, clearly trying to mask his upset. Frank rubbed his shoulder and kissed his cheek lightly.

“Can’t you like… ask someone about it? Someone else?” he asked, knowing that it wasn’t really the accusation that would have irritated Gerard, but the lack of music – As it tended to calm him above anything and the staff knew it.

Gerard shook his head. “No, but I imagine this won’t last more than a couple of days. But I must warn you Frank, I intend to be as annoying as possible to them in the meantime” he quipped, smiling. Frank laughed.

“I don’t doubt it” he mouthed, kissing Gerard again. This time though, Gerard turned his head and returned the gesture, carefully. Frank grinned at the boy as he stood up, starting to get dressed.

As he did, he also collected up the rest of the clothing from the ground, tossing it into a laundry basket in the corner of the room. “Can I wear your black jeans today?” he sounded, looking through the drawers on Frank’s side of the room; as his own were somewhat scant.

“Sure” Frank replied, shuffling back down into the bed and momentarily closing his eyes; he never being the type, unlike Gerard, to just get up and go.

Gerard slipped on a baggy hospital shirt along with the jeans, throwing on the one of Frank’s hoodies that now seemed to be allocated to him; though Frank didn’t mind.

“I’m going to go and see what the breakfast situation is, are you going to get ready?” Gerard asked, leaning against the wall with his hands behind his back. Frank let out a weary sigh, but regardless nodded, proceeding in similar motions to Gerard.

Soon enough, the two were sat in the corner of the canteen, eating away at some unbranded cereal product. “This is shit” Frank commented, swallowing a morsel. “Frank, don’t talk with your mouth full” Gerard complained, smirking slightly, nudging the other with his foot under the table.

“Shut the fuck up” Frank laughed, eating another spoon full. Gerard grinned, and without Frank noticing, reached into his bowl and took out a soggy piece of the cereal. “Hey, Frank” he sounded, causing Frank to look up.

“What?” Frank protested, with a mock annoyance. Gerard flicked the food directly into Frank’s hair, where it fell down his face. “Uh!” Frank mouthed, lurching back slightly. “Oh my god, it’s all slimy, Gerard!” he hollered, throwing it down to the ground. Gerard burst out laughing, putting his head on the table.

“You’re a dick” Frank concluded, poking Gerard’s head to get him to look up. “Sorry…” Gerard replied in a sing-song fashion, his smile not leaving him.

“Gerard” a voice sounded from above them; one which they had not notice approach them. Gerard looked up, his face falling instantly. “Yes?” he asked, observing the form of Dr Isher beside him.

“Sam said that he’s feeling uncomfortable with you in here. You’ve finished your food, so if you would, I would like you to go to the day room now” she spoke, her voice trying to communicate a degree of sympathy. Gerard rolled his eyes.

“Are you serious? You guys took away all my entertainment, what do you want me to do? Sit and stare at the walls like some over-medicated drooling moron?” he moaned, sitting back.

“Gerard. Don’t make this difficult, please, just leave” she stepped back, indicating for the boy to stand up. Gerard let out a long sigh and did as he was told; only glancing at Frank as a goodbye.

Frank poked at his food for a short period before his eyes wandered to the other side of the room, where he could see Sam sitting by himself.

Frank stood up and abruptly walked towards the boy, sitting down opposite him at the small table. “Hey, h-haven’t see you for a wh-wh-while” Sam spoke up happily, placing his fork onto his plate, ceasing eating.

“Did Gerard really upset you?” Frank pressed immediately, folding his arms. Sam smirked. “No-o, n-not more than usual anyway. He’s a psycho though, Frank-k. He tried to k-kill his brother; he’s fucking mental-l” the others words were harsh, causing Frank to frown.

“Oh, do-don’t give me that look. I’m no worse t’ him than anyone e-else in here, he used t-to get beaten up, y-you know” the other went on, matching Frank’s square look.

“It’s not a reason to get him in trouble” Frank mumbled. Sam shrugged. “He tried to kill his b-brother. They should have just put him d-down” he laughed, clearly not realising the seriousness of Frank’s disposition.

“Fuck you” Frank spat, standing up. “You have no fucking idea. If only you knew…” He paused. “One day, he’ll get out of here, you’ll see. You’re just jealous because you need this place to feel unique”

Frank stood up without offering the boy another look, feeling a pulsating anger flow through him. He simply left the room at that point, looking around the day room once he got there, spotting Gerard instantly and sitting with him.

Time clicked by and soon it became the evening. Gerard was alone in the room as Frank had gone for a shower; but whilst there, Frank had had an idea.

After lights out, Frank stuck from the bathrooms to the music room, acquiring a guitar. Gerard had been complaining all day about the apparent silence that he now couldn’t help but ignore, and Frank wanted to please him.

“Gerard?” Frank called; tapping on the door to assure the other was dressed. “Come in” Gerard sounded back, his voice indicating that he was in bed.

Frank grinned to himself and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. “Frank, what’s this?” Gerard asked, his voice humouring the scene before him. His smile not leaving him, Frank sat on the bed opposite Gerard, beginning to sing.

It was the song that Gerard had been humming to several days before; Frank had finally remembered what it was called.

“He don’t… Hang around, with the gang no more…” Frank began to sing, strumming the instrument. Gerard giggled; it was adorable.

“He don’t do the wild things that he did before…” he went on, softly. Gerard’s face was a full grin. “Thank you” he told Frank, over and over. They made love that night.


	19. Chapter 19

“So, Frank. How do you think you’re getting on?” Dr Harris spoke to the boy, who was sat before him, a cigarette in hand. Frank shrugged, looking at the ground.

“Well… have you had any anxiety attacks in the past few days? I know that this was a problem for you when we had you on your first prescription of medication” the official pressed, a feeling of blank frustration penetrating the room.

Honestly, Frank was fed up of the staff at that point; he desperately wanted to get back to Gerard. The two had been more inseparable than usual since their mutual admissions of love, spending all the time they had in each other’s company, as well as spending as long a period as possible in each other’s beds at night – That was before checks.

A light had appeared around Gerard, in Frank’s eyes, like years and years of repression and confusion had finally been released, and he was finally able to be truly comfortable.

It had occurred to Frank the night of his singing to Gerard that really, Gerard had not been able to feel anything for anyone since his father’s abuse, as it had disrupted him so.

That and the fact he being in hospital meant he probably rarely had access to people he could truly relate to, though Frank was sure that prior to his arrival that Gerard’s nervousness had probably passed up many opportunities.

Frank felt special in that way, knowing that he was most likely the only one who Gerard had ever loved, in a simple, normal definition of the word. It wasn’t a sort of proud vanity, as he was sure that Gerard would have had similar pride in taking Frank’s virginity.

All he wanted to do right then was go back to the other and hold him close, making sure that he felt loved. Though, Frank was also somewhat glad that he finally had a therapy session.

“No, no anxiety at all” Frank mouthed. “And, have you been sleeping okay?” the doctor pressed, ticking a box as Frank spoke. Frank nearly laughed, wanting to respond with something like: ‘yeah, Gerard’s left me quite shagged out’, but knowing it was a ridiculous notion.

“Yeah, really well thank you. Been getting about eight hours” Frank talked, having to consciously stop himself from grinning. “That’s good” the doctor spoke.

“Have you had any bodily complaints? Headaches? Pains? Stomach aches?” he pressed. “Nope, I’ve been fine” Frank spoke simply, rocking his legs back and forth. The doctor thumbed through the notes on his lap and then placed them in his desk, leaning back.

“Okay, good. I don’t know if you noticed, but we had lightly changed your medication, so I was just making sure you’re not having any adverse reaction” he mouthed; Frank nodded. “How have you been feeling, emotionally, Frank? Have you been feeling depressed?

Dr Isher noticed that you appear to be spending more and more time in your room” he asked. Frank frowned. “No… I uh, I’m not depressed” he mumbled, confused. “Well, then why do you feel the need to spend all your time in your room, Frank? Are you self-harming?” the man pressed. Frank shook his head.

“No, I’m not. I just… I don’t really get on with anyone else as all. I like to talk to Gerard. It’s not because I don’t want to talk to anyone else… I just, I really get on with Gerard” he mouthed, trying desperately to communicate to the other that he wasn’t depressed, as he really didn’t want to be on any more pills.

Thankfully, Dr Harris smiled and nodded, understandingly so. “I’m glad that you get on with him, Frank… I don’t think he’s a bad kid; even if the others around here do” he spoke softly, stretching his arms out.

“Tell me Frank, and this won’t leave the room” the doctor scooted forwards on his chair, leaning over his desk slightly. “Are you sleeping with Gerard?” he asked finally. Frank shifted uncomfortably, looking at the ground.

“I know Dr Williams is very keen to dissect him. He’s very obsessed with the idea that some sort of abuse has made him asexual. But I just don’t see it.

On the other hand, I also see that Gerard won’t function easy on the outside, and so I don’t tend to share my analogies with him. This is for my diagnosis of you Frank. I will not write it down; it will not affect Gerard” he spoke, offering Frank an empathetic glance. Frank breathed.

“Yes… Yeah, I am” he murmured, embarrassed. “Don’t worry Frank. I honestly don’t care; I’ve come across far more devious in my time…” he laughed. “I just needed to know the nature of the relationship, it’ll help with my assessment of your behaviour, you see?” Frank nodded and half smiled at the other’s kindness, though it didn’t make him feel any less awkward.

“Listen Frank, me and the head of staff have been discussing you recently. And we’ve come to the conclusion that you’re almost entirely normal. Others have been concerned that you’re acting, that you’re pretending that you no longer have your hallucinations because you no longer wish to be here” he said.

“No I… I’m not acting. I haven’t seen anything that’s like… you know, not there since I got put on my pills, only that tapping sound sometimes, but I told you about that before…” Frank protested, desperately. The other nodded, still smiling.

“I believe you, Frank, I do… We’ll have to consider a formal evaluation though” he concluded, standing up. Frank scowled and followed the other, muddled by the fact that the session was so short.

“I’ll come and talk to you later, Frank. I have a meeting with Dr Williams later concerning your case, I’ll probably get to you after supper” he escorted the boy from the room, though just before he opened the door, he spoke again.

“Frank, you have my word that I will not say a thing to another psychiatrist here. I know it’s your private business, and honestly, I don’t think it’ll help in Gerard’s diagnosis either” he finished. “Thanks” Frank mumbled, walking out of the room.

His admission had filled him with a strange feeling, it wasn’t discomfort or even relief, it was an odd in-between feeling, perhaps that of simple difference. He took the doctor’s word that Gerard would never hear any of it, as the man had always seemed very kind to Frank.

Frank, as probably predicted by Dr Harris, went straight back to his room, where Gerard was twiddling with their smuggled guitar, which despite having been hidden under Frank’s bed for three days, had yet to be found by staff.

Frank and Gerard had had to stop themselves from laughing out loud when the entire ward was summoned to a meeting, asking about the missing guitar.

Gerard looked over as the door opened and set down the guitar as Frank wandered in, looking up at him from his cross-legged position on the ground with a smiling face.

“How did it go?” Gerard asked curiously, standing up and sitting on his bed, where Frank joined him. “Yeah, it was okay… it was mainly health questions, to do with my meds. Pretty boring really…” he considered telling Gerard about the confession, though eventually decided against it, as he knew it would cause Gerard more stress than relief.

He also knew that if the boy found out, or he was told at a later date, he would understand Frank's reasoning, beneath the probable aggravation. Frank was simply too emotionally drained at that point to say anything.

“Fun” Gerard spoke modestly, leaning against Frank. “I missed you” Frank murmured childishly, putting his arm around Gerard’s waist. Gerard laughed. “You’re stupid” he commented, leaning back up again. Frank just laughed and shook his head.

“What have you been doing anyway? I must have been gone an hour” he asked. Gerard smiled. “I was trying to play the guitar. I couldn’t do it” he smirked, shrugging. “I… I wrote a song, too” he added, grinning full heartedly at the boy before him. Frank raised his eye brow.

“Really? I didn’t know you wrote” he was pleased. Gerard shoved the other. “Make way for Frank’s vote of confidence” he mocked, leaning down and picking up the guitar. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that…” Frank trailed, watching Gerard was he set himself up.

“You going to sing for me?” he questioned. Gerard nodded gleefully. “I thought I would return the favour. But… it’s not done yet, it’s not done” he repeated, clearly because slightly uncomfortable. “I only wrote a verse…” he finished, breathing out.

“It’s fine, Gee” Frank assured, kissing Gerard’s cheek, lingering there for a short period. Gerard nodded and strummed the instrument, really only appearing to be using it was a sort of background distracter, as opposed to an aid to the song. Frank didn’t mind though, and he found Gerard’s forged skill endearing, knowing it was aimed at impressing Frank.

“Then holding hands and life was perfect… Just like up on the screen” Gerard sang, to Frank’s surprise. His voice was rough, but oddly beautiful. Frank was entranced. “And the whole time while always giving… counting your face among the living”

Gerard paused, obviously counting an imaginary bar in his head, as he was unable to communicate it through his light touching of the guitar.

“Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains… Elevators and half-price sales, trapped in by all these mountains” Gerard looked up at Frank to make sure the other was amused, who was staring back with adoration. Gerard smiled.

“Running away and hiding with you, I never thought they’d get me here… Not knowing you’d change from just one bite… I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight” Gerard finished awkwardly, putting the guitar down on his lap and looking at the ground.

“Gerard…” Frank breathed. Gerard didn’t shift; Frank could see that his hands were shaking slightly. “That was beautiful… Gerard, that was beautiful” Frank uttered, putting his hand over Gerard’s, who looked up hopefully.

“You really think so?” Gerard asked, his eyes still wide, like he was on the verge of tears. “Yes! Of course… Gerard, that really was just… wow. Your voice is amazing” he assured. Gerard grinned.

“I’ll finish it soon… so long as they don’t take the guitar off us” he laughed lightly, leaning back over on Frank and pushing the article back under the bed they were sat on. Frank nodded. “You didn’t need it. That really was stunning, Gee” he whispered, kissing down Gerard’s forehead.

Gerard hummed at Frank’s gentle touches, before pushing himself up, looking over Frank’s face. “Guess what?” he quipped. Frank shrugged. “What?” he queried, finding Gerard’s suddenly childish temperament funny.

“I…” Gerard kissed him on the lips. “Love…” another kiss, Frank couldn’t help but laugh. “You” with that, Gerard firmly placed his lips on Frank’s, climbing abruptly onto his lap.

Frank groaned in surprise, holding onto Gerard’s waist as the other planted firm kisses on his plump, reddening lips. Gerard bit down his neck, grinding against him desperately. “Gee… calm d-down” Frank giggled lightly, threading his hands through Gerard’s hair. Gerard laughed.

“But Frankie, I’m having fun” was his simple retort, which made Frank laugh even more. Frank put his hands on Gerard’s backside as Gerard’s kisses trailed back up to his face, not necessarily to be sexual, but merely trying to obtain a closeness.

The kisses became softer and less frequent, they only really obtaining their pleasure by being near one another.

Before they could get too into their motions though, the door clicked and they scrabbled away from each other. Frank sighed and Gerard laughed loudly at the disruption; they assumed it was checks.

“Frank?” came the sound of Dr Harris, who was accompanied by another man, who neither boy recognised. “Uh, hello sir” Frank spoke clearly, looking over at the other man. “Frank, this is Dr Jurgen, the head of the staff” Dr Harris introduced, the taller man holding out a hand for Frank to shake, which he did hastily.

“Now, Mr Iero” the now established Dr Jurgen spoke up, sitting down on the bed opposite the two boys, giving Gerard a regarding nod.

“Me and Dr Harris here have been reviewing your case recently and we’ve made some decisions about your course of treatment. Now as you know, you were given new medication about four days ago, your third change of medication” he recited.

“Yeah” Frank replied. The doctor nodded. “You indicated to Dr Harris this afternoon that you no longer have your hallucinations and so we’ve labelled your illness as being one associated with a nervousness than a physiological disorder.

This appears to have gone from you completely, as, Frank, the medication we have been giving you the last few days had been a mere placebo” he indicated. Frank was honestly surprised, as there had been absolutely no change in his moods or disposition; he supposed the doctors had done their jobs.

“And so, Mr Iero, we’ve labelled your case as either in remission, or in fact recovered. We are pleased to say that, after a lot of deliberation, you will be free to leave tomorrow afternoon and your brother, Logan, will be coming to get you” the man stood up and began to leave the room, Dr Harris accompanying him.

“Congratulations Frank” he finished, the other doctor smiling down at the boy as they both left the room. Frank sat still for a moment.

This was it; he could go home, back to his life, back to normality. Away from this awful place, but – Away from Gerard. He looked over desperately at the boy beside him, whose face was already stained with streaks of tears.

“G-Gee…” Frank croaked, tears already forming in his eyes, any possible happiness being over shadowed by an extreme sense of loss. Gerard looked over and instantly descended into Frank’s arms. “Fr-Frankie… Franki-e…” he cried, clinging on to the boy.


	20. Chapter 20

“Frankie! I don’t want you to leave… please, I…” Gerard choked, his entire body trembling. Frank merely held him. What could he possibly do? It was set, he was leaving, everything was arranged.

“Shh” Frank tried to comfort, though he couldn’t ignore the tears that that had forged their way down his own face. “It’ll b-be okay…” he whispered, wrapping his arms around the boy’s body, squeezing as tightly as he could. Gerard shook his head.

“Why is it always me? Why the fuck do I deserve this!” he hollered, pressing himself against the boy, his nails digging so hard into Frank’s back that it could have caused pain. “You don’t…” Frank whispered, almost inaudibly.

“I’ll… I’ll come and see you, Gee, all the t-time…” he went on, rocking the pair slightly. Gerard merely cried out, mumbling ‘no, no, no’ as he wept. All Frank could do was let him grieve, as there were no words that existed that could convey any ease to Gerard.

Gerard’s face hastily shot up and planted a desperate kiss on Frank’s lips, which Frank returned incoherently. At that point, it was like they couldn’t be close enough, and this was the reason for the frantic kisses. Gerard tried to clamber onto Frank but the other stopped him, holding in position with another tight hug.

“Gee… n-no” Frank mumbled into the boy’s hair. “Frankie… I wanna s-show you-u…” he garbled, trying to climb again. “Gerard, please…” Frank spoke up, laying them down on the bed, still holding the boy closely.

“Gerard, we c-can’t, okay?” he said, kissing Gerard’s lips softly, but not pressing for anything passionate. Gerard nodded, still choking out heart-breaking sobs. “’m so-sorry…” he coughed. Frank shook his head.

“Shh… It’ll be okay, y-yeah? I promise… I p-promise you, Gee…” Frank began to tremble as Gerard was. Gerard nodded blankly again. Frank had never seen anyone more broken in appearance, it was like his entire body had changed; he looked paler, thinner, weaker – His eyes even appeared duller.

Frank didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t ignore the small notion in the back of his mind that he was glad that he could finally have his life back. He even began to contemplate the idea that his feelings for Gerard had been too hasty. But in looking down at Gerard’s form, he realised where his priorities were.

This was the man who he adored, and now they were being separated; Frank let out a long sob. “We’ll be together soon… o-okay?” he whispered.

The two stayed that way for the best part of four hours, every now and again the crying would stop, only to flare up again when the realisation sunk in.

It hit the time of lights out and Frank was sat up on the bed, Gerard curled up with his head resting on Frank’s lap, Frank’s hand tracing through Gerard hair. Frank was still crying faintly, sniffling more so. Gerard however was in a state of hyperventilating, though tears were no longer emerging.

“I love you, Frank…” he breathed out, grasping onto Frank’s trousers. “I love you too, I really do” Frank mumbled, gracing his fingers down Gerard’s forehead, over his eye brows; just as Gerard liked it. “Hmm” Gerard sighed, his eyes slipping shut.

He appeared to be trying to relax, though his breathing was still highly erratic; it was beginning to concern Frank. “Gee, a-are you ‘kay?” he murmured, leaning down slightly. Gerard huffed out. “Mm, yeah-h…” he was still heaving; Frank used both his hands to stroke the boy’s face.

“Shh” he whispered, kissing the side of Gerard’s head. Frank assumed it was a sort of panic attack, but he knew that Gerard wouldn’t have wanted a nurse to be called. “Shh…” Frank cooed again, planting soft kisses down the boy’s neck.

“Checks” a female voice blistered the atmosphere. “Gerard? Are you okay?” she asked, stepping into the room and flicking on the main light. Gerard sat up groggily, protecting his eyes, desperately trying to calm his breathing. The nurse noticed it instantly though and looked over the boy.

“Gerard?” she puzzled again. “He’s f-fine” Frank croaked, holding the boy closer. Often, when Gerard had his panic attacks, it was the result of extreme aggravation, which would result in self-harm; Frank supposed the nurse had a reason to be alarmed.

She looked surprised at Frank’s equally upset expression, but honed her focus back to Gerard. “Jeff?” She called, stepping back and poking her head out of the door. “N-no…” Gerard whimpered, clinging with more ferocity to Frank’s clothing.

“Jeff!” she yelled again; a heavy sound of feet stomping down the corridor. “No, F-Frankie, I d’ wanna, I don’t wanna g-go…” he whispered up to Frank. “He’s fine” Frank repeated, his upset mixed now with a boiling anger. It was so fucking typical, Frank thought, it was his last night.

The aggressive man stepped into the room, observing the sight before him. “I want you to check him” the female mumbled over to him. Gerard heard the comment and shot up, rolling up his sleeves and holding out his arms spontaneously.

“See! I’m fine, it’s-s fine-e!” he yelled, beginning to cry again. The two shot him a doubtful expression and Gerard rolled up his trouser legs too, urgently trying to get the others to leave; they surely would have known that Frank was leaving.

“Jeff, take him to confinement” the woman talked softly, the man walking forwards as she spoke. “No! I’m not fucking going! P-please!” Gerard’s breaths were getting more hitched again, Frank rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “Let me-e stay here, I wanna stay with F-Frank” he mouthed as the man indicated as Jeff tried to grab at his arms.

“No!” Gerard hollered, getting up from the bed and moving frantically across the room. “Gerard!” Jeff yelled, grabbing the boy’s waist and hurling him onto the ground. Gerard let out a agonising yell, which mixed with his anxiety and sobs came out as a sound that made Frank’s stomach turn.

“Leave h-him alone…” Frank mouthed, getting up and approaching the man. “Frank, step away” the female demanded, holding onto his shoulders. Frank put up a mild fight; but he knew that she’d have a needle, and he couldn’t be much help to Gerard if he was unconscious.

“Gerard-d!” Frank cried, lurching forwards. Without any warning, Jeff spun around on his heel and clocked Frank in the jaw, causing him and the nurse behind him to stumble slightly. He went back to Gerard, having appeared to have already administered a sedative.

Jeff stood up with Gerard draped over his arm, who looked completely out of it, his eyes being barely open. He nonchalantly walked from the room at that point, the female following him. Frank wanted to run after them, get Gerard out of the arms of such as abuser, but he found himself glued to the ground, his lip trembling.

This was where he was leaving Gerard. He had to think of something. He sat down on his bed after turning the main light back off, leaving the room subtly illuminated by the pair’s shared lamp. Frank sat there for the longest time; but nothing at all came to mind.

All he knew he could do was visit the other as much as possible, make sure that he was okay. Though it wasn’t by far enough. Frank felt his eyes well up and again, and considering he didn’t know when he would see Gerard again, he decided simply to go to sleep.

His plan ultimately failed, and he found himself lying under his sheets, trembling and crying, for the most part of the night. At around five in the morning, the door swung open, filling the room with artificial light. Frank sat up.

Gerard, along with Jeff, were stood there, Jeff mumbling something to Gerard before allowing him back in the room. Gerard didn’t even bother with the usual formalities of a situation where another was present; he simply descended into Frank’s arms, crawling up into the bed.

“Frankie…” he breathed out, placing his lips to the boy’s neck briefly. The door closed behind them after a while, but neither of them cared about the probable awkwardness the other felt. “Gerard, is everything… are you okay? Are you hurt?” Frank murmured as they peeled away from each other momentarily, as Gerard shimmied his way into Frank’s bed.

“I'm fine” he spoke simply, not wanting to detract any pleasantness by revealing to Frank how frightened he had actually been – He wanted the moment to last.

He leant on his side and Frank did the same, facing each other under the protection of the covers. Gerard kissed Frank softly on the lips, wrapping his arms around Frank’s waist. Frank giggled at Gerard’s light touches, having always been rather ticklish.

“Gerard… I want you to come with me” he talked after a while, causing Gerard to frown. “W-what… what do you mean?” he puzzled, glancing down and then up again, trying to gage Frank’s body language.

“Tell them what you told me… Tell them why you’re like this; they’ll help you, Gee… They will, they’ll help you” he mumbled, thumbing Gerard’s cheek lightly as he spoke. Gerard gulped and shuffled back slightly, letting out a long sigh.

“You k-know I can’t do that… You know I can’t” he spoke; his voice soft yet still broken. Frank thought up his words for a long time, breathing out. “Why?” he asked carefully, kissing Gerard’s cheek and getting closer to him. Gerard closed his eyes for a moment, trying to restrain tears.

“This is all I k-know, Frank. This is the only world I know…” he sighed, his fingers digging further into Frank’s back – a desperate grasp.

“I have hardly any-y independence here, y-you know it… I tell them everything and I become nothing… there’s n-nothing to me after that, you… you understand d-don’t you?” fresh tears emerged from Gerard’s tired eyes.

“If they knew… w-what could they do? Tell me that how I felt was disgusting? T-tell me that I’m dangerous? Give me shocks and l-lock me away forever?” he spoke faintly.

Frank truly did understand, even though it was perhaps difficult to do. Gerard was engrained in the system now; he’d been schooled here, he’d learned how to exist here – How was he supposed to exist anywhere else?

Frank knew that one day he would get better, at his own accord, he’d be able to break down his barrier of uncaring and he’d be able to live normally. But without the help of professionals, who knew when that would happen?

A year? Ten years? Maybe never. Maybe Gerard was one of those destined to be a lifer; there were several Frank had met in the place. Frank let out a sob, grabbing the boy and holding him close.

“Fuck…” he mumbled into Gerard’s clothed shoulder. “I’m going to miss you so much…” he spoke, Gerard repeating similar words back to him. “It’ll be okay, I promise” Frank worded, kissing the side of Gerard’s face. “I know-w…” Gerard croaked, nodding loosely.

After a long while, the pair finally fell asleep, being somewhat undisturbed by any prodding nurses. Frank’s eyes flickered open and noted that the time was almost two in the afternoon.

He would have let out a grumbly, disheartened sigh, but in seeing Gerard’s calm, sleeping face beside his, he found himself smiling warmly, peacefulness washing over him.

He placed his lips on Gerard’s and moved softly, trying not to wake the other too aggressively. His plan worked, and soon, Gerard’s weary expression changed and his eyes opened slowly; his face painted with a smile as Frank’s gesture.

“Hey” he mumbled. His face beamed until the depth of the situation struck him once more; he became significantly paler. “T-this is… this is it” Gerard mouthed, trying to prevent any more tears.

“Shh” Frank mumbled, stroking Gerard’s face lightly with the back of his hand. Gerard half smiled and nodded, letting his eyes close again, enjoying the feeling of Frank near him while it lasted.

“Frank” spoke the unmistakable voice of Dr Harris from the doorway. Frank groggily sat up. “Logan is here” he said, leaving the room straight away, clearly aware of last night’s events and therefore knowing of the emotional gravity of the situation before him.

Gerard sat up beside Frank, looking over the room as Frank appeared to be. “You… you didn’t pack your clothes” Gerard mumbled, looking over briefly at Frank. Frank shrugged. “I want you to keep them” he talked, putting his hand in Gerard’s as he stood up.

They were both still wearing yesterday’s clothing but neither could be bothered to care; Frank figured he would leave like that. “Take this” Gerard said, leaning down for a moment and retrieving his sketch book from under his bed.

“I can’t…” Frank spoke, tracing his fingers over the worn out cover. “P-please, I… I want you to” Gerard confirmed; Frank nodding with a small smile and taking the article, bringing Gerard into a tight hug.

“I love you, Gerard, don’t forget it… Please” Frank talked to the boy kindly. Gerard grinned. “Thank you, thank you…” he repeated. “I love you too… Thank you for loving me”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go my lovelies! This is the first story I have posted on here, I am in the process of transferring all my Mibba stuff this end. Please please pleeeeeeaaaaase give me some feedback, tell me your thoughts! I'm in the process of writing a sequel but I might leave that hanging for a while until I have a few chapters done. Thanks for reading! Kisses!

Frank found himself staring absently out the window for the entire duration of the car journey home.

Gerard hadn’t the will power to offer another goodbye in the lobby and so the two had said their farewells in the comfort of their pooled room, sharing a lengthy, soft kiss.

Gerard hadn’t said another word as Frank had left that room, unable to do anything. It dawned on Frank as he wandered out of the clinic, his brother talking at him, that it was entirely possible that he never be able to share with Gerard again, something which they both held dear.

But no tears had come; he was done with crying at that point, he tried desperately to hold on to any positives.

Was he ever really insane, he thought to himself. No, probably not. Just caught up in an ugly mess of a family.

Gerard however, was a much damaged, very troubled young man and had such inner turmoil that it was entirely possible that he would never get better.

Frank had never asked about what happened to his father, not wanting to be at all triggering, but he wondered where he was, what he could have been doing. Because he was sure, if he never saw the man, someone would have to hold him back.

Gerard was sweet, deep down, and Frank knew that he’d been allowed to see a side of Gerard that few others were allowed to. He was honoured. But this he man had ruined who Frank believed was a good person.

He also couldn’t help but think about the brother who Gerard had assaulted, as well as the mother who’d probably been left to pick up the pieces. He wondered if he would ever meet them. Though he puzzled about why he would, as they hadn’t even been to see Gerard, in the entire month of his sectioning.

The notion saddened him, that Gerard wouldn’t probably be seeing anyone until Frank could get himself there, despite the fact that it was Christmas in two days.

Frank had indicated to Logan that he had wanted to go back to see Gerard on Christmas day but Logan, and the doctors, had told him against it, as apparently returning to such a place after only just being diagnosed sane, can be triggering to a breakdown.

Frank thought it was bullshit. They obviously thought he was fine or they wouldn’t have let him leave, they couldn’t really believe he would regress so easily, right? But regardless, if Frank was going to arrive and be unable to get through the door, Logan wasn’t prepared for the five hour road trip.

Frank knew he would see Gerard very soon though; he would need to, for his own peace of mind.

He pressed his fingers against the glass as they pulled far away from the building, it still being in sight. “Bye” Frank mumbled under his breath, pulling his hand from the window and settling into his seat.

The future was uncertain to Frank, but he was still buzzing about it. He sighed and shut his eyes, turning on the radio. “He used to act bad, used to, but he quit… It makes me so sad, ‘cause I know that he did it for me…”

Frank smiled full heartedly at the song; it being the one he had sung to Gerard. “And I can see, his heart, is out in the streets…”


	22. Sequel Posted!

I didn't know how else to inform all of you, so here it is!  
I am now in the process of writing the long awaited sequel, "Better".   
http://archiveofourown.org/works/6394657/chapters/14641630 

Thank you so much for all the support on this fic! I'll be posted updates regularly and will be really kicking into it come summer!   
Enjoy~~~~~


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